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Dreamcatcher__ 87M
744 posts
12/4/2016 7:23 am

Last Read:
10/11/2023 9:44 pm

Living With Uncertainty

I often wonder why I"m on this site at all.

The only reason I can think of is that the lovely submissive I see occasionally lives almost a three-hour drive away, so we have to meet at a delightful B&B somewhere in between. It makes for very infrequent meetings.

We're not together as a permanent arrangement. We're very compatible, both personally and sexually. We're very attracted to each other, but not in love and not really a perfect union. She has heavy family and work commitments and I have commitments of my own that make our assignations infrequent. The relationship is not exclusive (we're both poly), though we're not sexually interested in anyone else. For various reasons it may not last. We both would prefer to be either getting together more frequently or seeing someone closer. The problem is it isn't that easy to find someone closer who is as good for us as we are for each other.

At some point, however, she may find someone else so I should have a plan B. That should be possible, but since not that many other submissive kinksters are poly, it is harder than it sounds to actually find someone. Additionally, since she lives in a very rural area, and, tho I live in the city my glass-walled, lakeside dungeon is in a nearby mountain area, finding someone conveniently close is not as easy as it should be.



Keeping an alt account so I can keep my options open in case someone equally attractive and closer shows up is at best a poor reason to be here. Some day I expect I will not only realize that but actually do something sensible about it.

Other people here must encounter problems like this. Somehow they deal with it, probably by accepting the distance and the infrequency of meetings it imposes. I find it enervating. I've always had lovers who were readily accessible. When being together is as exhilarating as it is for us, infrequent meetings are a real buzz kill.



aliljaded 53F
8846 posts
2/1/2017 6:12 pm

I just met someone and we started seeing each other and dealing with a 2-hour commute between us. Although it seems far, when we are together, it's all worth the trip. Sacrifice is part of a relationship I suppose. I just try to make to time we are together count.

Just my 2 cents...

M.

"Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”


Dreamcatcher__ replies on 2/2/2017 4:59 am:
My whole life has been a series of distances from places and people I came to love and had to leave behind. I've had enough. I suppose I'm selfish or greedy. I want what I want and I want it now. (Isn't that a Queen song? If it's not, it should be.)

SylviaSoulier 58F
8209 posts
12/31/2016 10:23 pm

Exquisite!

There are no such things as ideal relationships I have found.

There are such things as perfect houses and yours looks quite perfect.


Dreamcatcher__ replies on 1/1/2017 9:01 am:
You're right, of course, and I really should just shut up and color. lol I have a great life and finding such a fantastic companion would satisfy most men.

Thanks for the compliment about the house. It does make a very satisfactory open-walled dungeon.

Dreamcatcher__ 87M
7019 posts
12/29/2016 7:11 am

    Quoting heartofmush:
    hi there...do you know what happened to whiteroseblackcat?
I have no idea. I'll see if I can reach her and get back to you.


heartofmush 55F
7884 posts
12/28/2016 7:01 pm

hi there...do you know what happened to whiteroseblackcat?

The cut worm forgives the plow. W. Blake, Proverbs of Hell


Dreamcatcher__ 87M
7019 posts
12/10/2016 8:55 am

    Quoting sophis_id:
    You are such a tease!!!!! Good lord look at that view. I'd want a big 7 foot stand alone clawfoot tub on the veranda......or close enough to throw a line out and fish.

    As for LD...sighs....I have a long distance relationship with pretty much everybody in my life and as frustrating as it may be, those few moments when we are together count for everything. It's not easy...but then again if it were, everybody would be doing it.

    Sighs..Love those big beams....good for hanging things from...
The clawfoot tub is stored in the barn waiting for me to get around to building a waterfall in the front corner of the English basement, at which point the tub will go in next to it, right in front of the picture windows looking out on the lake, but close enough to the huge fireplace to enjoy the heat in the winter. It's a screwy idea, based on a black volcanic-rock waterfall inside the first house I lived in on Pacific Heights in Honolulu, but I can't get it out of my head. You would look perfect bathing there. It would be quite a trick to make a cast to the lake from that location over the deck surrounding the spa and the waterfall next to it, however. You might just reach the lake with a cast from the spa if you stood up and put your lovely back into it.

Those beams are not getting nearly the use they once did (*sigh*), another reason to resolve the distance conundrum.


sophis_id 60F
16373 posts
12/9/2016 7:21 pm

You are such a tease!!!!! Good lord look at that view. I'd want a big 7 foot stand alone clawfoot tub on the veranda......or close enough to throw a line out and fish.

As for LD...sighs....I have a long distance relationship with pretty much everybody in my life and as frustrating as it may be, those few moments when we are together count for everything. It's not easy...but then again if it were, everybody would be doing it.

Sighs..Love those big beams....good for hanging things from...



Inner Fucking Peace: watch?v=92i5m3tV5XY


Dreamcatcher__ 87M
7019 posts
12/5/2016 9:22 am

    Quoting drmgirl622:
    That long distance can be just so hard sometimes......

    What impresses me is that the two of you realize and understand completely what your relationship is.....That is a hard discussion to have, especially with a Mistress who you are trying so hard to please.......does she want exclusivity, does it give her that feeling of power she craves.....

    Okay, I'm rambling......your lakeside is absolutely gorgeous
We do communicate well about our relationship as well her crises and concerns. Sometimes it's tough and painful, but I think it's important... even in the middle of an intense sexual encounter when time is precious... to take a break and just talk quietly about what I sense is bothering her.

I've been very fortunate with the beautiful places I've lived. This place is indeed special... what Joseph Campbell would call my "sacred place."


Dreamcatcher__ 87M
7019 posts
12/5/2016 9:14 am

    Quoting  :

Busted!

I do have a fetlife account which I never use. I guess I could drop by there once in a while. I assumed it was the same crowd as alt.


Dreamcatcher__ 87M
7019 posts
12/5/2016 9:07 am

    Quoting  :

I have done that. Trouble is my son keeps moving it back into the deeper water. He's also thinks the aerator encourages the leaves that fall in the lake to biodegrade so he moves the aerator around. He won't be around this winter, tho, so I'll give it another try.


Dreamcatcher__ 87M
7019 posts
12/5/2016 8:59 am

    Quoting  :

Thanks, MIssAnn,

Glad you like it.

I've had a lot of good luck, including finding this 25-acre wooded property with a spring and stream next to the Appalachian Trail when I was 17. Since then, I've always been an adventurous, optimistic person. I keep wondering if there shouldn't be a day of reckoning lying in wait somewhere down the road.


Dreamcatcher__ 87M
7019 posts
12/5/2016 8:47 am

    Quoting  :

I appreciate the suggestions.

I'll have to deal with multiple handicaps if I undertake a search. 1. there aren't a lot of candidates looking for a guy my age. 2. I've learned it's best to limit my search to married or poly women, since both get the poly dynamic. 3. She won't necessarily find someone new who's poly, which would put a strain on, or eliminate, existing relationships.


Dreamcatcher__ 87M
7019 posts
12/4/2016 10:05 am

@heartofmush This is where I live about half the time until the first big road-blocking snowfall or super hard freeze. When I'm not here, I'm in Washington, DC.

I used to come up more often in the winter, but since I put an aerator in my lake to increase the oxygen content for the bass, it doesn't freeze solid enough to ice skate, so I don't come up as much in January and February.

I'm creating a replica of Kyoto's famous "Moss Garden" (Sai Ho Ji) around my lake. I thought I had a great setting for moss until I traveled around the fantastic Olympic Peninsula in Washington State.


heartofmush 55F
7884 posts
12/4/2016 9:42 am

oh,my.god..is that where you live\? the pacific northwest is my favourite region in north america. i have been b.c. five times..just love it there.

anyway back to your dilemma..you may find someone, you never know..life is uncertainity, even when we think we have something, relationships can dissolve, or worse, your spouse may die far earlier.

enjoy things as they come, joy and sadness are temporal states, one should work on being calm about it. but hey, that is what i am working on, i am not trying to give you advice on how you should live your life.

i think it is easier when you start with someone who is actuallly available for you, and more than anything, lives close.

The cut worm forgives the plow. W. Blake, Proverbs of Hell


drmgirl622 68F  
25880 posts
12/4/2016 9:20 am

That long distance can be just so hard sometimes......

What impresses me is that the two of you realize and understand completely what your relationship is.....That is a hard discussion to have, especially with a Mistress who you are trying so hard to please.......does she want exclusivity, does it give her that feeling of power she craves.....

Okay, I'm rambling......your lakeside is absolutely gorgeous


Dreamcatcher__ 87M
7019 posts
12/4/2016 7:29 am

In the grand scheme of things, I have it very good. Over the years I've become so used to convenience I have come to expect it. I probably should just shut up and color.

[image]



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