Blog : When bottoming is really topping.

202 posts
4/26/2015 1:43 pm

When bottoming is really topping.

I don't hide the fact that, although I'm owned and his slave, I'm also a switch and occasionally - with his permission and he's always present - I top other people.

I don't top him. Ever. So, let's get that out in the open.

So, there are times I'm approached by bottoms looking to be topped. Sadly, however, 99 times out of a 100 what they actually want to do is top.

As a slave, I understand that the sub, slaves, or bottoms needs have to be met. But as a top I refuse to be bullied or manipulated into doing something I have no interest in, or frankly goes outside of my comfort zone, or his rules.

Now, I'm open about the fact that we don't swing. So, when I top it's non sexual. Simple, right?

Wrong, apparently that means I'm supposed to give someone I top oral sex because that's a 'good top' will do, as anything else isn't fun.

That's when bottoming becomes topping.

It boils down to this. If you're looking to top, or bottom, don't try and manipulate the other person into acting outside of their comfort zone. You have limits and so do they. If you want yours respected, then you have to respect theirs in return.

If what you're looking for is sex, then don't approach someone who doesn't swing, or isn't out to play that way. And Poly doesn't mean swinger - really it doesn't.

Be honest, respect the lines, and you're far more likely to find someone who matches your desires rather than wasting your energy trying to manipulate someone who has already said 'no'.

silvermuse 53F

366 posts
4/27/2015 1:23 pm

Thanks wickedsurrender - manipulation does manifest on either side of the equation, often through emotional blackmail/pressure.

Sternmann - appreciated.


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