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KainWilkus 37M
114 posts
8/28/2014 6:40 pm
Caspian - CMF


Ever felt the rotation of the Earth?
Where gravity takes hold and you can feel yourself hurtling through space?
And then the flood gates open. Every sense in your body is on overdrive. Lights blind your eyes in the dead of night. Symphonies flood your ears in silence. And images....images from hell behind the eyes. The center of your soul crying out in the shadows. You keep hurtling. Floating through the universe like a leaf in the wind. And then.....it stops. And emptiness follows.

Echoes of the past. Voices like typewriters with the sound of jackhammers. Drifting in the ether, never still. Screams. Blood flowing to the center. It speaks. It feels. Music again. Shifting from plane to another. playing in the ash. Dust in the sunlight. A chuckle. It remembers. It laughs. Abandoned halls lit by torches. Locked doors opening. Metal touches the sky. Men living with the angels. Pulsating. Reset. The music plays on. She cries as she holds out her hand. Beyond reach. The waves come crashing down and darkness returns. The pulse. It can see into your heart. Cold, so cold and it laughs. The blood runs from vein to vein. Getting dark. She cries. Flowers on the battlefield. Spent casings and shattered lives. Not a cloud in the sky. The ground is soft and the grass warm to the touch. The stars shed tears. Warm in her arms. Sparks at her touch. Pulled away into the void. Dark laughs. Evil inside. The soul withers and the music plays on. Pulsating back shattering the walls. Flying to the heavens. Falling to the Earth. Light fading from the eyes. Alone in space. The cold of eternity. Together for an instant, apart forever. Can't reach. Sand caught in the wind. Running free in the wilderness. A tingle at the touch. New life ripped away cast back into shadow. Fading memories. Empty. Chains broken, never free. Trapped within reach. Locked away. It laughs. Cold. Loud. Empty halls and forgotten passages. Screams within the walls, long taken by silence. The walls remember. Clinging to the past. Haunting the soul, powerless under the weight. Then it stops and jolted back. Nothing remains. Severed from life left only with the self. So alone.

"I don't want to know that. I just do."
This is really freaking me out now. I've been watching Robin Williams' movies since he died. Flubber, Dead Poets Society, Awakenings, Cadillac Man, The Fisher King, Dead Again, Good Will Hunting, The Final Cut, and his stand up. And every movie has corresponded to a moment in my life; only been two weeks but my mind overthinks shit to the point where time is meaningless. Seconds seem like days. Anyway, that's another torture for another time.
I watching Shrink right now, and holy crap. The power of cinema. The ability it has to stir emotions and rattle your brain. It's one of the best ways to capture time and space, and all of that emotion nonsense. But it's true power lies in its ability to connect with the audience. Movies are concentrated and have one shot to do their job. TV has that ability too but not to the degree of film. Shit films that do nothing are forgettable and aren't given a second chance. TV takes time to illicit that kind of indifference. But if life is a circle, it's also a circle in motion. It's a fluid motion that becomes a sine wave. And if time is relative, then the wavelength is different for each person. And if you move faster than your relative wavelength you're going to go in a circle. Granted, TV is the best way to control the flow (I'm philosophizing math, help me.) with binge watching but TV is flat. Most TV. Some TV can do that but then those show are just really long movies. That's an argument for long season vs short season; in that case: Britain Wins!!!. Cinema has enough emotional peaks and valleys in truncated time to mean something profound and eternal. And this Shrink is doing its job. And two steps back. And the math is mind blowing.

Should be interesting the next couple of weeks. I only know that after going back and forth since mid July this shit has to stop. I wonder... was it worth it? To think that all of this might be in vain only because of indecision. One way or the other something will change. Baby steps for now but soon comes the sprint.

Strange dream
You're in this as deep as I am. It's time to pay up.

Another coin in the air. 50 / 50 chance. Only this time, a better chance of landing on the side it didn't last time. My money's on the chance. It's time to stop betting against myself and get back on the path. Fingers crossed.


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