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quietroar 59F
9647 posts
9/5/2015 1:40 pm

Everyone changes over time. In a relationship, it just depends on whether the changes can still work together, it's accepted to have differences, or the paths are so different that it can not be tolerated.

First husband: it was like overnight that he changed- the man I married was not the man I was living with just the day before (although same chest- same magnificent chest!)

Second husband- said I changed after we bought the house and settled in. I was less adventurous, he said (no, I just didn't want to go out drinking until 1 am anymore but his point is still valid- I changed).

Love is not static- it moves like a river. Sometimes it is stagnant and sometimes it rages; it merely varies in intensity. The problem is our expectations of what love should be- whether is be sexual, passionate, companionate- and that we think something is wrong with us because it's not the fiery inferno that we think it should be.

We are too hard on ourselves when we place expectations on love- like someone saying after an hour of a BDSM first meet "I'm just not feeling it." How do you know until you really get to know and talk to someone that the possibilities of a relationship are there? Some people are bumbling idiots on their first date- and do better with time (introverts of the world unite!) but change happens whether we want it to or not, and either the other individual is prepared for that change and learns to deal with it or they find the change so distasteful that they leave them (I call it the Newt Gingrich system as he left two wives after they were diagnosed with cancer, and one because she did not look like how he perceived a president's wife looking).


tahimikbayani 53M
8008 posts
9/6/2015 7:21 am

I would say, buyer beware, but Love Us as we are. Changes can be done within ourselves so that we love ourselves, but not for the sake of someone else's love or approval.

Of course, I know very little about the subject.



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