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BATTLEMASTERPete 52M
5 posts
4/26/2015 1:52 pm
Feeling Overprotective tonight. 04/16/2015


Just got done chatting with Heather tonight, I had been worried about her today with things she is going through. She is doing well adjusting to things, but her personal life, well I try not to intrude.

I try to remember that those that do not grow up in the life, have a hard time. She seems to be more at ease that I would expect. But being a Daddy I get over protective of things in her life, someone hurts her, or whatnot, I get into one of those dangerous moods like I do with my own family when someone messes with them. Those dark places I hide from others seem to just be there begging to be released. I forgot how much I enjoyed those dark places, but swore never to let my see me that way, and I never go anywhere without one as a safety mechanism.

I am going to try to switch to a different sleep schedule for a while, That way I am awake when she is, instead of being just to bed when she is waking up. That and so I can spend more time with my little boys. I helped her today with her page, she has shown more Bisexual traits and I am happy with her for that.

Other than that I am Very Pleased with her, and I will be excited when the time comes to go see her. She is become more a Partner/Slave/baby-girl to me than I realized. Not that I mind. Just means I will think more about how things progress.

Wife and her where chatting today as well, so that sounds good. But my wife and I had a discussion, that drug the older 2 into it. Not about my Heather, but my wife's health. She has contently been forgetting her meds, and its having a bad affect on her health. We have a pattern, I am awake while everyone sleeps, and her and the eldest are up while I get what sleep I can. Other than I cannot make sure she takes her meds when I am asleep, and she has been not taking her meds or sporadically for 2 months now. Her lymphedema has flared badly for the last 3 weeks, and I could not figure out what was going on! So I guess that is another reason to be up on a normal sleep cycle for a while, to get her meds straightened out. I want her to live as long as she can, so she and my youngest 2 boys can have as many memories as possible.

My thoughts though always come back to My Heather. I would not feel right to loose my wife and then bring her into their lives to help be a stable support for them. It would not be fair to her as well, she has her own family outside the life, and I want her as my family as well, but do not know how that would work.

My Job to take care of my family, by blood and by love. I will care for my wife and take care of her till she passes, that is my job as well. Never realized how hard those words where going to be "in sickness, and in health, till death do us part." How can I be a Man of My Word, and not live up to that oath? Never thought of leaving my family, never even crossed my mind. But to watch my loose their mother, I am not sure I will handle their grief well, How do you make someone pay for hurting your when its a cancer? How do I punish that, or will they blame their mother? The Eldest 2 have known for a long while that their mother is dying a slow death with no cure. But the babies on the other hand do not! I do not know how to be a mother to them, but at least their boys. I can handle that better than if it was girls!

Nothing like gloom and doom in a post! But that is what I have to think about and figure out answers on tonight! Then I can sleep. NOT! I guess I will sleep when I am dead! Till them there is too many things to think about and to make happen, or to fix!


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