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There does seem to be such a contrast between the two Doms. I find that also in the Mistress's I speak with. As with you, there is the traditional and the new thinker, if you will. They all have something that attracts us......no doubt about it.
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Being alone is scary. (at least it was for me.) It was also empowering when I enjoyed my own company. Whether someone calls themselves a Dom or an avocado, I wonder whether these males who want casual relationships are able to do this because they are truly empowered or because they have "One primary commitment" already so they can afford to eschew any real knowledge of who you are and focus on a purely sexual relationship. I admit it. We men are chickens. We need to be in a relationship. Once we are, we can strut around like roosters crowing, claiming to be Doms, and offering our services to available females (If we have a mate who will tolerate this behavior.) You are really the brave one, in allowing yourself to partake in the adventure of pure sexual encounters in a world full of men who claim they can give you what you need, sans real intimacy, in exchange for what they need.
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Don't beat ourself up (and as you mull it over I think you won't) for not letting what you felt show at lunch. I think for you your reactions need to be somewhat pre-programmed. Coming off the high of your first "hands on" experience with a Dom, you couldn't be expected to know and quickly respond to what you encountered with the second, non-traditional, Dom. That's especially true since your Taos encounter left a bad taste and so much confusion. You are what Thoreau described somewhat awkwardly in his seldom-noticed "Letters from a Spiritual Seeker," someone who thrives on variety. It frees and rewards your imagination.
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I think that these approaches are not merely confined to "the lifestyle". In every generation, walk of life, tribe, group, etc, there will be people who wish to hook up without ever wanting to connect. If the approach is mutual then the resulting relationship my well be gratifying and even satisfying but there will remain an empty space quite simply because that space has been skirted around or politely ignored. Not wrong or shallow but perhaps hollow. I guess we will both find out more... in time! 
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