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Philosophy of:

The home for the ferocity of thoughts that fly through my mind. A peek at me beyond the ever present profile and a glimpse of who I am on the inside.

What I envision as a Submissive
Posted:May 15, 2011 3:50 am
Last Updated:Jun 28, 2018 5:41 pm
101048 Views

My mistress is a beautiful little woman (5'1”) that happens to be submissive, most of the time. When she isn't being her submissive baby girl self, then she is MommyDom or as she likes to be known “Little Miss Meanie” !


I have a submissive streak that rears its head from time to time. The Episode that we are now in came about due to me wanting to give up cigarettes. We are three days into it and as soon as I finish a project that I'm working on with a friend, then I'm grounded to the house, I won't be allowed to go anywhere unsupervised. She says that I'm giving up cigarettes and that's that!


Little Miss has also recently learned that she truly enjoys enforcing Male chastity upon me. She gets an evil little grin on her pretty face when she's teases and threatens me, she says things like “If you don't cum in 10 minutes then I'll put you back into chastity without any release until tomorrow”. And she does it too. Being locked up keeps me well behaved and very attentive, it's a constant reminder that someone else is in charge.


At night time when she doesn't have me locked up in my chastity belt, she has my doodle kept prisoner under very thick cloth nappies, plastic baby style pants and one piece jammies. It makes me feel very little and very submissive when she snaps the last snap on my Pooh Bear pajamas. I can barely feel “him” in there and there is no way to gain access. She just loves to torment me.....


There are many routines that are now common place when Little Miss decides that it's time for her to take charge. She requires me to keep my face cleanly shaven as well as down below, It's just one of many tasks my Little Miss has me do. Little Miss makes me keep my doodle area shaved since she says that it makes me remember that I'm her little boy.


I asked if I could have a snack just now, but she said it was too close to dinner time but Little Miss did get me some chocolate milk and brought it to me in a spider man sippy cup. She had an evil little smile as she handed it to me and said “ little boys get sippy cups when they aren't sitting at the table.” Made me feel very little.....


Maybe, with no notice, she might come through the door and take my hand, tell me to follow her and lead me to the bedroom, start to unsnap my jammies and ask with her evil little grin “ You know what happens to naughty little boys if they ever try to get out of their jammies on their own don't you?” She sternly looks at me while waiting for a reply.


I'll look at her with a cheeky grin of excitement and softly say “They get a spanking”


“Maybe I should sew a few rings on here to lock you into your jammies!” She proceeds to pull the pajamas down to my knees and pushes me back on to the bed. she reaches down to grab the wrist cuffs that are fastened to the bedpost and continues to fasten my wrists. She undoes a nappy pin and reaches in with cream in her hand....she roughly grabs my doodle and says “Time to play with my little boy's toy!”.


Little Miss loves to see me writhe in agony, pain and excitement all at the control of a simple touch. “Tell me what number you're at naughty boy!!” she says softly. She makes me tell her how close I am to coming, on a scale from 5 to 10. She usually stops between eight and ten unless she is going to let me release. She always throws off her rhythm or stops all together when my excitement level gets too high. After two or three times denying my orgasm, and with no notice...she just stops and stuffs him back into the diaper. Quickly re-pins the nappy and tells me to stand up to get dressed again. My balls ache with every snap as I know it will probably not be until morning before she lets me cum. I might get very lucky and she will be in the mood for sex.


My fate is soon to be sealed as we are awaiting the delivery of the CB 3000 Chastity device.


….”It's now nearly 1:00pm little boy and you have until 3pm to finish your work and smoke your nasty little cigarettes, because it will be for the last time. When you wake up, I will march you by the hand to crush up what cigarettes you have left and dump your stink weed in the toilet.” ...Little Miss kept lecturing as she stood over me at the desk I was working in our office.


...She continued, “ Be careful what you wish for little boy. I know what you want, I've seen what you look at on the computer.”


…. Sitting at the computer diligently doing my Ebay work as ordered by my Little Miss. I've been dressed in a nappy for the past three days and today is no exception. I've been soaked for quite some time and it makes me feel very submissive to be kept in a wet diaper. I think it's a bit embarrassing to know that she knows I'm wet and being made to wear it like a little baby, not knowing when I might get a change and not being allowed to ask for one. The thoughts that fill my head while I'm doing Ebay, it can be very difficult to concentrate. I often find myself thinking of being over her knee and feeling the hairbrush and those thoughts generally get me back on track and back to work.


…...Little Miss just walked in......... she says to stop writing and that she will let me get back to it when she's finished with me. …....


…....I'm back. My bottom is sore from the few swats she gave me with the hairbrush. She said they were just little reminders of the spanking that I have coming tomorrow night. She has decided that it's a good idea to smoke the replacement while we ween me off of cigarettes, but it's still naughty and that I'll be quitting that shortly after She decides it's not needed. It's not up to me at all as she has firmly told me. She lectured me about being a naughty boy and that even though she would let me smoke it, it's still naughty and there will be punishment. A spanking before bed at the very least until I quit that nasty habit.


She had me standing in the corner while she lectured me in just my nappy and my new superman tshirt. She swatted me while I was in the corner to make certain emphasis on points she was discussing. Little Miss also informed me about how she was going to start getting pleasured on a regular basis, whether or not I was in chastity. My main mission in the bedroom should be to bring her Pleasures that she can only dream of. She grabbed some of the recent toys that we purchased as she discussed them and what she was planning on doing with them. How life would be a little different now that she was going to have an opportunity to express her Dominant side.


She made it quite clear that I shouldn't think of her as losing her submissive side, but that she is pushing her own boundaries to make our relationship that much stronger. She realizes my needs because she has some of her own that are very close in nature. My fantasies and dreams tend to be a lot more strict and humiliating while she just enjoys being regressed. On a side note, I've decided that she no longer is allowed to have sex while she is being the baby. I've learned a lot about my Little Miss over the past week. Watching how she does things, listening to her tone, I'm looking forward to learning more and more as time goes by.


She said... “I know you will have times when you need to be submissive and I know that your submissive side of a mix: Naughty boy, Naughty husband forced to be a baby, Husband of a Maternal in Charge Wife, WLM, FMDD.


She softly said, “When you feel those needs come up, you just tell me or leave a baby bottle in the fridge for me to find that isn't one of my own, perhaps your spiderman sippy cup. When I find it, I'll know what to do. There is NO Backing OUT once I take charge....You will be in my charge until I decide it's time for you to be a Big Boy again....maybe give you a chance to be the Man with Big Boy Undies” I could feel my face redden as the words came out of her mouth. She continued, “You want a strict, demanding, hairbrush swinging mommy, then you will get it and then some. I can't get away from being the nurturing Mommy that I am, but I can certainly give you what you need.


I've decided that since I'm going to do it, then I'm going to do it all the way. The harder I make it, then the less often you will ask for it. Your little bottom is going to be blistered the first time you misbehave. I may save them up all day and just remind you of how many spankings you have coming before bed. She reminded me that it was her decision whether or not to announce how many spanks I had coming while we were out in public. It can be very embarrassing to hear her say “ That's 27 spanks Little Man.”.... you slowly look around and hope nobody heard other then the smirking register lady.


Little Miss said, “I might make it a week or longer depending on my mood. If you really honestly think you need something Longer then a week, then we will discuss it but your little bottom is going to be very very sore!!! She said that I might know when she has started her period because I'll come home to find a diaper and the hairbrush on the bed. Little Miss thinks a red bottom keeps me well behaved.


She took me out of the corner after what seemed like an hour. I was already quite excited as she was wearing her new black corset and ruffled undies.... the corset hugged her little curves in all the right places and I knew her little kitty would be getting wet the minute she spanked me and ordered me to suckle her breasts. She reminds me about my soon to be arriving chastity cage as I suckle her breasts, reminding me that I'm here to bring her pleasure. In between swatting my bottom, she reminds me to be a good boy and to be obedient......she tells me that I need to get used to suckling her breasts on command and that I will soon be drinking her milk on a regular basis.


After getting her aroused, she stood me up and put the strap-on harness on me over my diapers. She laid back and told me to gently play around the outside and just on the inside but NOT to put it into her. She said that If I didn't listen and Put it in TOO FAR....then she would be putting it int me!!! So, I was Very very gentle and she enjoyed the buzzing sensations.....she ordered me to keep the buzzing vibrator on while I used the other vibrators to play with her Kitty. She ordered me to make her cum........I worked feverishly but with two balls and a Doodle that ached to be released. Little Miss suddenly said “SUCKLE MOMMA”S Booby Baby”..... as I latched my hot warm lips around her nipple and started to suckle, she shuddered and let out a long little moan.... …. she layed back in a relaxed state.... she made me stand up as she took the dildo harness off and said , “Go make my tea before I decide to put this in your bottom after all.”


When I brought the tea back, mistress had the paddle, the brush and the cream all laid out. She said,” You will not be cumming tonight... you will instead stay up and concentrate on your Ebay like a good little boy! You will make momma very happy with your work progress by morning or you will be sent to bed with that Butt plug harness up your bum!!” she continued, “ So, You can have a Good over the Knee spanking and then into Chastity, or 15 Swats and then Chastity, or I can tease and torment you and then Stick you into your chastity.” … she waited about 3 seconds and then said, “ Too Late, you took too long to answer... you are going to get showered, shave that little boy doodle of yours, shave your face and then report back to me for an inspection. You will then get 5 swats with the Paddle for smoking that stuff.. (yes, this will happen every night until you stop on top of whatever else you earned that day) I will then tie you down, play with my little boy's doodle and his balls until my hearts delite.... gotta get them used to being touched ya know...your cock cage is coming soon!!!”


I was both excited and fretful of what she was saying and a little afraid of what I've gotten myself into. I fantasized about it, I asked for it and now I got it... so shut my mouth and enjoy what My Little Miss decides to do.


After bringing me to near orgasm two or three times, Little Miss Iced down my Doodle and balls with ice cubes kept by the bedside... she then put me into the leather chastity device and clicked the lock.


I was given a list of chores she expects done by morning, a number of items that I'm to have listed on ebay, and her breakfast order and what time it should be ready for her.


She kissed me on the lips, handed me a note with Her rules of Chastity written out, and a promise of corner-time, spanking and another day locked up with constant TEASING and no cumming!
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What do you get when you Cross ....1950's values with a Man kinkier then a bobby pin....
Posted:Aug 30, 2008 1:31 pm
Last Updated:Jan 10, 2021 8:08 pm
96551 Views

Old fashioned is how I'm often referred. I believe in opening doors, offering my coat when she's cold, lighting cigarettes, and making it a point that she orders first when dining out. All these ideas revolve around my old fashioned image of what a man should be. I believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong or harmful about having set roles in the house, should the two involved be in agreement with each other. I believe it was the Extremists among the feminist movement that helped to crumble family structure in America.

Any relationship is built on love and compromise, but I believe there are situations where the head of the house must stand up and make decisions on what he thinks is best for the entire family unit. ( might catch some slack from my readers, but I also believe in outdoor vs. indoor chores and they are gender based. (ducking from the incoming objects.) Many people confuse this belief with Chauvinism, but it's miles apart. Instance: A woman can mow the yard as good or even better then a man...but, I believe woman are soft petals and shouldn't have to be out there doing that type of work. By all means, if she expressed an interest in mowing the yard...I would get her a pair of overalls and a John Deere!!! I enjoy helping in the kitchen because I enjoy cooking...but, should I not have time to cook, I would expect my other half to instinctively provide the nurturing care of a woman by knowing that I would be getting hungry. A meal cooked by another is a very tender ritual and I enjoy it immensely. I'll help with the Laundry, but I'm not responsible for the outcome....(looking at all the shrunken dress shirts in the closet).

Titles don't make a difference..all of them seem to share some of the guidelines of HOH and DD relationships. One more or less extreme then the other.

I firmly believe in being in charge of the house and holding the line. I often think and I'm told by others that I have a 1950's mentality at times..I'm very old fashioned and enjoy the dynamics of Head of Household. To provide guidance, support, and motivation is another responsibility of the HOH. Another responsibility is to dole out appropriate punishments and discipline to make sure she stays in line and does her best to be obedient. It's a very satisfying relationship when there are set roles and those roles are both agreed upon by the two in the relationship.

What do you get when you cross what's mentioned above with a very open Daddy figure that enjoys the dynamics Age play. I have a wide range of experience since I've been molding myself into the Daddy figure that I am today. My experience includes many, but listed are a few of my favorites; power exchange, age play, diapers, spanking, humiliation, role-playing, chastity device, and spanking ( I listed this one twice for emphasis)

I do Identify as a Daddy within the realm of D/s or DD... I enjoy nurturing, guiding, and cuddling. I enjoy providing structure and values that will be abided by with swift punishment coming for those that dont abide. I believe in over the knee spankings, hairbrush spankings, corner time, early to bed, and grounding.

The spankings and the subject of spankings will be at the forefront of daily ritual. I believe a well reddened bottom keeps you on your toes and pleasantly obedient. Maintenance spankings can also be useful when someone decides that they can't follow directions. Over the knee bare bottom spankings given to her when she misbehaves, and then treated like the naughty girl she was...stood in the corner to think about why she is there. Cuddling and discussion are generally after corner time.

Ok..only those not prone to fainting should read beyond this part...or those without an open mind ( I cant believe that I have to say that on Alt of all places... very humorous)

The discussion of age play and diapers. I have a high level of experience on this subject for a reason. As the head of the household, I deem what is to be done...and at times without consultation or discussion. There are no arguments to be made because the decisions are very final. Should I decide that she needs reinforcement, punishment, or just a control device....then I have the authority to put her little hiney in a diaper. I shouldn't have to explain myself or rationalize my decisions. I would hope that at this point in the relationship, we would have a good deal of trust and understanding of one another. To understand you have chosen to give your submissiveness to Daddy and accepted the role of his baby girl. Out of that submissiveness, a underlying desire to do what best pleasures the person you gave it to. Even with all the words in my mind, it's still difficult to explain. humph! Wrapped up in a nut shell.... This Daddy thinks putting a diaper on that hiney is awfully damn cute! Very submissive! and Exquisitely Controlling.

I've put a naughty girl or two back into diapers to remind them of their place. It's very hard to not to be submissive when having to do your chores wearing a diaper.

Ok, how many fainted? How many of you have driven the spike of your high heel shoe into the monitor?

There are many explorations to be had and I'm looking forward to every one of them. I'll write more on this later....oh, and about spanking.. Did I mention that the only thing I like more then spanking is ... breathing! So, you can expect some more elaboration on that one in the future.

For those that are waiting for part two of FEEDING THE DUCKS...it's coming soon.
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Daddy/babygirl story (fiction)
Posted:Aug 21, 2008 2:07 pm
Last Updated:Jan 10, 2021 8:08 pm
99705 Views

This is my story about me and my Daddy. I'm a grown woman of 24 and my DaddyDom is 35. If content of spanking, discipline, diapers, ageplay, infantilism, bondage, and sexually explicit material offends you, then you shouldn't read this story. "Dats da disclaimer for da big people." I'm a submissive and give myself completely to my Dom who happens to be a Daddy. He's not into the whips and chains and meanie stuff like that, but rather the soft and nurturing aspects of taking care of me. We are a very sucessful couple that belong to many community groups, we volunteer our time with many organizations, and we have a wonderful life. Our relationship isn't about incest (yucky)....it's about the dynamics of a Daddy/littlegirl relationship. He takes care of me, guides me, nurtures me, disciplines me to make me be better, and loves me unconditionally. In exchange, I do my best to be a good girl (although it's really hard sometimes)...and I do my chores all the time (he would disagree with this one)...and I love my Daddy (yes, I do call him Daddy).....I couldn't be happier!! (even though I'm in trouble at the moment because his hairbrush accidentally went on vacation and didn't leave a forwarding address...

The day started out just as any other as I was woke up to his soft touch on my forehead as he pushed my hair to the side to kiss me on the lips. I reached out to tickle him and he tickled me back and we got into a tickle fight!! Daddy finally reached down and checked my diaper to see if I wet. "You were a good girl and wet your diapers, didn't you young lady?"......"yes Daddy" I replied...I used to get so embarassed when he did that, but found that over time I really enjoyed the feeling of being taken care of. "Well, Let's go get the babygirl some breakfast and then we can change that diaper" he stated as I jumped out of bed to put on my fluffy scooby slippers. My outfit was a cute jammie top that says "Daddy's princess" on it, a thick cloth diaper, and a pair of pink plastic panties with ruffles across my butt. I crinkled my way out to the kitchen to sit in my chair and wait for Daddy to bring my sippy cup with juice over to me.....he also came to the table holding a towel over his arm and carrying a pad of paper and a pen....Silly Daddy was pretending to be a waiter. "What can I get for the princess this morning?" he said with a smile.....It made me giggle and I ordered pancakes!! (I always order pancakes or french toast). He ran off to the kitchen to cook breakfast and I sat there drinking my juice and waking up. I usually get coffee in the morning, but I got in trouble for filling the sugar bowl with salt yesterday....so I have to go three days with no coffee..(but, you should have seen Daddy's face when he drank his coffee!!..It was worth the time out)..so, today, I just sit and drink my juice and giggle out loud thinking about the salt. My Daddy knows me so well, he said "You still think it's funny, Huh?" "naughty girl".......he was giggling too, so it wasn't that bad. I do wish he would change me before breakfast, cuz my diaper is kinda wet and uncomfortable...he always says that there is no point in changing until you take a bath because he doesn't want me to have any accidents at the table and my bath is right after breakfast. So, I sit and crinkle around in my chair making flip flop noises with my slippers...watching Daddy make breakfast. "What are we gonna do today Daddy?" I said......he replies "I thought we might go to the park and feed the ducks, but not until after you finish your chores." I could feel my eyebrows rise into big arches at the sound of chores, but knew better then to make a fuss..... and then I heard Daddy say "and we have a lot of chores to do today young lady!".....then I couldn't control myself, I don't know what came over me.....it was instinctual......I blurted out "I DON"T WANT TO DO CHORES, I JUST WANNA FEED THE DUCKIES"....my eyes opened wide as I realized that I just yelled at Daddy...my sippy cup frozen in mid-air as I realized that he was going to come around that corner at any minute. I could feel my bottom hurting already from the spanking that didn't even happen yet.....the anticipation....I started to wonder if I would get cornertime or just a spanking...would he use the belt? Daddy popped up around the corner with a stern look on his face and said "Young lady, did you just raise your voice?"...I looked up at Daddy with the best puppy eyes that I could muster and said "ummmmmm.....well......kinda sorta Daddy, but I didn't mean to...I'm sorry."......the hair on the back of my neck stood up as I expected him to take me over his knee at any minute....Daddy said "Ok, young lady, that's your first warning!" A wave of relief came over me because Daddy's spankings really hurt and I couldn't believe that he only gave me a warning. Generally when Daddy is in a good mood, I get a warning But, if he gives me 3 warnings, then I have to go to bed early. So, I'll have to be on my best behavior today. The last time he did the 3 warning thing, I ended up in bed at 7:30pm which was really retarded (I'm going to be in trouble for saying retarded when he reads this, so....I'll say sorry now Daddy! )
Daddy served a really good breakfast and I made a mess as usual so he used the baby wipes to clean my hands and face before leading me into the bedroom.
I was told to get up on the changing table that sits in the corner of the room and was built by Daddy. It has lots of diapers stacked up on the shelves underneath and a bin full of plastic panties. A shelf over the top of the changing table is full of baby powder, baby lotion, vaseline, and the nasty mr. thermometer for when I'm sick. As I lay there, Daddy put a pacifier into my mouth and said "Now you be a good girl and suck on your paci while I run your bath." I love it when my Daddy takes control and it makes me so horny...I started grinding in my diaper to feel the thick bunches of cloth between my legs.....I'm not allowed to touch without permission or I get spanked, so I just moved my bottom around and opened and closed my legs until I was near orgasm and then Daddy walked in and asked me what I was doing. "Nothing Daddy!" innocent smile....
He's so tender with me most of the time unless I'm being naughty. He washes me all over with the duckie sponge and lets me play with the tub toys that I have floating everywhere. "Daddy, can I pick out my clothes today?" I asked...he replied "No, babygirl, I have something special in mind for you." Well, I thought, some days you win, and some days you don't......I hardly ever get to pick out my own clothes, but I ask anyway. I nearly wet myself on the days he says Yes, because I'm so excited that he actually said Yes. We play in the tub for a little bit more as he finishes bathing me and I ....ummmmm.....accidentally splashed him! He doesn't get upset because he's a good Daddy. He took me out to the bedroom and sat me on the bed while he went to the dresser to pick out my clothes for the day. I saw him go to the little girl dresser and said "Daddy, there are no special clothes in there.....I thought you had something special in mind today?"..."That's for later when we go to feed the ducks" he replied. He pulled out a pair of minnie mouse panties, a pink tshirt and a pair of overalls with piglet and winnie the pooh on the front... He helped me get dressed and told me it was time to start my chores...He's a good Daddy, but I hate chores. If I don't do them correctly (correctly is his word, not mine), then I get spanked, or stood in the corner, or worse....he stands over me while I do it so that he can teach me. When I tell him that he doesn't have to teach me, he can just do it himself...I usually get a swat on the butt. So, off to the fridge where the list of all my chores is hung up.
There are little gold stars next to each day of the week so he can keep track of when I do my chores and when I don't. If I don't have stars filled in all the chore slots by the end of the week, then I get a spanking. I'm doing good this week, but it looks like I haven't done any sweeping. "Daddy, I don't like to sweep" I whine.....He looks at me and says "If you want to go feed the ducks today, then you need to do your chores." Uh oh....he had that look in his eye......if anyone ever gets spanked..then you know that look he gets right before he gets pushed over the edge. That look!! So, I go to grab the broom and run off to the other side of the house. I started sweeping the guest room and then I moved onto the guest bathroom and Daddy came in to check on how I was doing. "You're doing a good job babygirl, keep up the good work and I'll take you to get icecream later after we feed the ducks."....I couldn't help but smile....I loved going for ice cream. So, I swept faster and I was very excited. I moved onto Daddy's office and swept the whole floor....then snuck a peek out into the sunroom and Daddy had gone outside to mow the yard. I decided that I should take a break, so I turned on his computer and played Cubix, which is this really cool puzzle game that I love. I was on level 13 when I heard him clear his throat. My eyes must have gotten as big as pancakes as I spun around in his office chair to find him standing in the doorway. "Ummmm......hi Daddy." I mumbled. "He took two steps into the room and grabbed me by the ear..."Ooooohhhhhh, ouch Daddy!" I said as I followed and tried to keep up as he walked to the dining room. "Young lady, you haven't been doing chores for more then 20 minutes and you already gave it up to play computer games?" ...."Ouchh..Dadddy.......my earrrrrrrr" I cried. He walked me through the house to the corner in the dining room and said "Now you stay right there until you can decide that you are going to finish your chores". I bit my lip and felt like a little girl as my nose touched the corner. I learned long ago to make sure I was in the corner as far as I could go without too much fidgeting, it took a lot of spankings, but I learned. sigh.....I didn't think I would get caught.......he was supposed to be mowing the yard. I must have been in the corner for 30 minutes or so before he let me get back to sweeping. I finished sweeping the whole house and then Daddy took me down by the water for a walk and a good break. We live right on the ocean, so there are always lots of birds and stuff to see. After while, we went back to the house and Daddy led me by the hand to the board on the fridge. I watch as he places a gold star next to sweeping and give me a kiss for doing such a good job. "Good job babygirl." he says, and adds "Ok, looks like all you have left to do is mopping"...My eyes darted to the board in horror as I could have sworn I mopped already earlier in the week...and there was no gold star there.....I pouted .....I didn't want to mop...I just wanted to go see the damn ducks!!! <gonna get in trouble for using a potty mouth word, sorry daddy ) I stomped my foot and said "Noooooooooooooooooo, I wanna see the ducks Daddy......no more cleanin!"...Well, I don't need to tell you that I shouldn't have done that. "That's your second warning young lady for yelling, and you know what we do about foot stomping around here, don't you?" He said calmly. That's another good thing about my Daddy, he never yells or gets mad or nothing like that.....but, I can usually tell how naughty I was by how much my bottom stings. He led me by my hand into the bedroom and pulled out the chair.....I cringed as i saw him reach for the chair, I always do. "But Daddy, I'm sorry...I didn't mean to stomp my foot...it did it on it's own" I pleaded. "Young lady, you know I don't tolerate naughty behavior and this is going to teach you to be a good girl" he said. He pulled me over to him as he undid my snaps for the overalls.......he tugged them down and I could the air on my legs....I decided I didn't want a spanking and turned and scuffled off......I didn't get very far before he grabbed me because my overalls were around my ankles and stopped me from running like lightening....he picked me up and placed me on his lap even though I was kicking. "You're going to get extra spanks for being extra naughty babygirl" he said as he lowered my panties. I could feel the rush of cool air on my bottom as I felt overwhelmingly exposed and vulnerable. The anticipation of the spanking was the worst as I lay there knowing that my bottom would be hurting soon.....knowing that I couldn't get up even if I wanted to, knowing that Daddy was going to spank me until he thought I learned my lesson. My Daddy doesn't believe in "safe words"......so, I get spanked until he thinks it's enough. The first swat sends shivers up my spine as I know that there are many more to follow. I feel a bolt of electricity run through me and directly into my HooHoo as each swat comes down on my tender bottom. He spanks until I wish he didn't......not in the same spot....ohhhhhhhhhh I want it to be over already......I'll be good......"I'll be a good girl Daddy" I shout. He stops and tells me that only babygirls stomp their feet.
He helped me up and brought me to the changing table where I stood as he undressed me completely. I whined.. "But Daddy, I'm a big girl and don't need diapers accept at night!" He said, "If you want to act like a baby, then Daddy is going to make sure that you get treated like a baby and only babies stomp their feet!" I pouted because I knew I couldn't talk him out of it....so much for my minnie mouse panties....He helped me up on the changing table and I lay there as he put a pacifier into my mouth and grabbed a disposible diaper and a hand full of cloth baby diapers that he uses as stuffers to keep me from leaking. He lifted my bottom with one arm and slid the diapers under me and powdered my butt before placing me down. (My Daddy is a big Daddy and is nearly 6'4, so he doens't have a problem diapering me or spanking me). He powdered my HooHoo and started to rub it in, he rubbed and rubbed and I started to squirm....I was writhing against his hand wanting him to make me cum....I love his control, and my absolute submissiveness.......his touches make me burn with passion and desire......Then he just stopped and pulled the diaper up between my legs. I pouted and whined "Daddy, big meanie!" from behind my pacifier.....he laughed as he taped the diaper on and watched my frustration. He went to the closet and pulled out a package that I have never seen before....he opened it up and I saw the prettiest dress. It was a pink sundress that had little sunflowers along the bottom and an embroidered sunflower on the chest...."This is for you babygirl......you've been a good girl and I thought that you would like it" he said... I wanted to grab and hug him, but I was still mad for the spanking and making me frustrated. I ran over and hugged him anyway so that I could try on my new dress. "Thank you Daddy" I chirped. He helped me into the dress and then put me into a pair of white tights and cute shoes.......I looked into the mirror and it was really a cute dress, I think it's my new favorite dress. You coulnd't even tell that I was wearing a diaper. Uh oh.....I just realized why I was wearing the dress. Daddy must plan on taking me out to feed the ducks dressed like this.......He doesn't usually take me outside dressed in diapers unless we are going on a road trip or camping, or someplace where there aren't a lot of people. The lake qualifies as one of those places where there is hardly anyone around. "You finish your chores and then we will leave to go feed the ducks and get ice cream" he stated, and added "But, one more outburst and it's no ice cream store, is that understood?". "yes Daddy" I said as I went to finish my chores. The diapers that he put me into make me walk a little funny because they are so thick...but, I love the way they feel between my legs...every time I take a step I can feel the bunches of cloth rub against my HooHoo......and the crinkling noise from the plastic diapers seems so loud. I finished mopping and then Daddy got ready so that we could go feed the ducks.....

The trip to the lake was always wonderful with lots of things to see along the way. The lake was huge and out in the middle of the country. Birds always flock if they see bread......so you have to be careful or they will snatch it from your hand!! Daddy and I both feed the ducks and then he goes to sit on a log to watch me. He says, "You come over here and get more bread when you run out!"...."OK" I shouted....oops...that scared the birds.....I fed the ducks and ran out and had to go over to ask Daddy for some more bread. I stood in front of him and asked "Can I have some more bread to feed the ducks Daddy?"......he said "Yes, of course, but let's check to see if you're wet young lady." With that, he nonchalantly reaches down under my dress to check to see if I'm wet....I wasn't so he kissed me on the cheek and I ran off to feed the ducks.
We had a picnic at the park too, Daddy had everything all layed out on a blanket. We sat down and ate lunch....he remembered to bring my sippy cup. After lunch, I went back to feeding the birds and Daddy was getting everything ready to go. He said "Ok, princess.....it's time to go."....."Oh, not yet, wait a minute...I still have lots of bread." I replied. I still had a whole loaf left and the duckies were hungry. "Young lady...........long pause...what did I just say?"......Well, I know what that tone means when he says that, but I really thought it was too early to go since we had more bread to feed them. He said "Are you going to make me repeat myself young lady?".......I was still trying to feed the ducks really quickly while this was going on.........he was getting upset with me......but, I had to feed the duckies. I said after a short pause, "Can I please finish feeding the ducks Daddy? I have a whole loaf of bread still." Daddy calmly put down the picnic basket and started to walk towards me......My eyes opened wide because that means I've crossed the line...from being a little bratty to the ultimate.......being naughty! If you cross that line, then you know it won't be long before your bottom hurts. When he got near me I darted off about 20ft....and said "Nuh uh, I don't want a spanking Daddy.".........OH, if you could see Daddy's face when I said that.....I thought his head would pop off! He calmly said, "I suggest you get that little bottom over here this very instant young lady, or your bottom will be sore for the next month and you will have every day filled with every restriction in the book." ....I sat there being scared and nervous....I resigned myself knowing I would just get in more punishment if I kept running around......sigh. Slowly I walked towards him with my head hung down.........He slowly grabbed me to turn me around and quickly lifted my skirt to land two spanks on each upper thigh. He said, "You have a hairbrush spanking waiting for you when you get home young lady and an early bedtime." "Yes Daddy" was all that I could muster...my belly was full of butterflies because I knew that i had a hairbrush spanking coming. We were in the car on the way home and Daddy asked what was wrong. I said "Well, I'm getting a hairbrush spanking when I get home and it's gonna hurt." Daddy said, "You're only getting a spanking because you were naughty, it will teach you to be a good girl in the future." I just sat there thinking about the whole thing.....then we were home.
We walked inside and Daddy said "Get ready for a diaper change", which meant that I had to go stand next to the nursery table in an instant. If I ever hesitate on that one, I get the belt. So, I walk off to the changing table with my wet diapers sagging. Daddy came in and took my dress off. Then he put me into a pink babytshirt. He said "You have a punishment coming young lady, it doesn't matter how wet your diaper is, you will get changed after your spanking." I felt so naughty.......standing there in a very wet diaper, getting lectured by Daddy and knowing that I'm about to get a spanking. I dreaded it all, but yearn for it and crave for it at the core of my being. He led me to his office where he keeps his prized collection of antique hairbrushes and opened the door. I stood there and watched him put on the latex gloves as he opened a can of black shoe polish. He gently pressed his fingertips into the shoe polish and started touching all the brushes to leave fingerprints everywhere. This was so that he knows I actually polished all the brushes. If I leave even the smallest amount of shoe polish on the brush, then I get in more trouble with another hairbrush spanking. Once he finished touching them all.....he handed me a polishing rag and said "Polish them all young lady, so that I can select one to give you a spanking with as soon as you have finished." I reached for the first brush as he left the room and started polishing. To hold the brush, knowing that it may be this one that he's going to use. Having to touch it and polish each curve, to feel the weight of it, and the size of the brush itself. Wondering how much it would hurt. My senses were heightened by the time I got to the 10th brush, only 3 more to go and then BIG BERTHA! I call her big bertha sometimes, because it was the first thing that came into my head when I saw the old Oak hairbrush in the cabinet. It's huge and Daddy has never used it before. I'm hoping he never uses it. I knew that the spanking was getting nearer as I finished my chore. I was unconsciously slowing down the cleaning of the brushes knowing that it would put off the spanking. Inevitably, I finished the brushes and called for Daddy. He walks in and starts to inspect each brush as I stand in front of him silently. He tells me to turn around a bit so he can test out a hairbrush. Two swats and he says, "Hmmmmmmm that's a nice one babygirl. Which one should I pick to truly teach you a lesson?" He selected the Monster! BIG BERTHA!!! I could feel the tears coming. The big Oak paddle brush from 1920.....I always told him it looks like you could brush a with that thing. It was oval and 13 inches from top to bottom. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes as I saw his selection. "No, Daddy.......please......I'll be good and do extra chores." I pleaded....."This is for your own good young lady." he said calmly. He reached for the wrist restraints and fastened them on me along with ankle restraints......He knew I would put up a struggle for this spanking and he apparently wasn't going to put up with it. My diaper was removed and I was put over his lap for the longest and hardest hairbrush spanking that I've ever had. My bottom was on fire and I couldn't help but cry...and beg him to stop. "I'll be good from now on, I promise" I kept repeating over and over..........I tried desperately to cover my bottom but only managed to wriggle my hands as they were restrained. He stopped ......I lay there crying and sobbing....and he says, "Young lady, you know how to behave like a good girl..so why do you act naughty?"....."This spanking is for your own good, it will teach you to obey me".."Is that understood?" all I could reply was "Yes, Daddy.".....he spanked me another 10 times with the brush before letting me up and telling me to go stand in the corner. I did what I was told and stood in the corner with my red bottom on display.
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Emotionally stuck at the age of 4 ...
Posted:Dec 7, 2006 5:57 am
Last Updated:Jan 10, 2021 8:08 pm
95862 Views

I felt an itch to write, so I'm taking a break from painting the outside of the house.

I've been contemplating the "little" that lurks inside of me and wondering why it seems so unappealing to woman in general. I do understand that the iconic image of "head of the household" doesn't fit well the ideologies of regression. I do hope to find someone that embraces reality. The idea of suppressing my regressive needs comes to mind frequently, but life is too short to put myself through that much turmoil.

Through my research and talking with others, I've accepted the idea that one's mindset towards relationships gets stuck at the age you were first abused. I was physically and sexually abused from the age of 4. The physical abuse (just a politically correct term for being severely beaten) stopped at the age of 14 because I had a growth spurt and could defend myself. I have always thought that my life resembled something you would see on the "lifetime channel". I was made to stay in the potato cellar when I really pissed off my step-father, which I believe is the root of my dislike for the dark and cramped spaces. Baseball bats, sticks, or just a clenched fist were implements of his choice.

I've very shy when it comes to discussing sexual matters...I blush at the mention of female anatomy...and I'm generally not the one to initiate sexual advances until I've formed a LTR with someone. I can conceal all of these idiosyncrasies behind the title of gentleman. I'm not your stereo-typical man that thrives on sexual conquest. I love to express my sexual desires as much as the next, but my life and relationship goals are not focused on it.

What's wrong with admitting that one enjoys a mothering touch? Most woman already offer this in someway to their spouses whether or not it's labeled "mothering". Does the action become more or less significant because we have changed the mindset of the activity? Does the awareness of mothering, make it any less comforting to the giver or receiver?

My masculinity bubbles over much of the time and I often think that I compensate my actions on the outside because my mind knows about the inside. The regression was formulated as a coping mechanism when I was younger, to escape the reality that I was in. It can be very healing to fall back into the mindset of being innocent and nurtured. The guilt doesn't arrive until after a short experience with the "little" running around. It's very difficult for me to rationalize my behaviors even though I know it's mapped into my brain through no fault of my own. When I'm depressed about the situation, I try to remind myself that other people had it worse then I did and I'm a survivor.

Not one soul would be able to look across the ballroom floor and guess that the decent looking guy in a tuxedo owns two pairs of footy jammies...

That's it for now.... I'm back to my chores, but will continue with these thoughts later...
1 comment
Old profile here to make room for new one !! :)
Posted:Nov 30, 2006 6:07 am
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2009 3:29 pm
95761 Views

Note: I am also going over my interest list again to fix all the errors.

Note: This profile was written while I had my DaddyDom slippers on. This is my mindset while in the Dominant role.

Hello to you, the one reading my profile. This is to help in my search for my little one. I refer to "little one" because I'm a DaddyDom. That means that if you want an abusive Dom or a very severe Dom, then continue with your search. I won't keep you in the cellar, locked in a closet or beat you. It's just not my style. If you want to be loved and understood for who you are, then continue reading. If you object to cuddling, bubble baths, picinics, and movies w/ popcorn while sitting in my lap...then I'm not for you. I'm a nurturer and a Paternal figure. The only leather I own is in the form of Italian dress shoes! I'm not into whips and chains, but restraints of some type can always be integrated. I do enjoy being called "Daddy" or "Sir" and not "Master". I enjoy numerous activities and hope that you will too. Theatre, dining out, concerts, comedy clubs, and charity black tie events. I love anything to do with the outdoors except for hunting which I think is mean. I'm an articulate individual which arms me with sufficient expertise in scolding and lectures. Domestic Discipline, Punishment, and teaching lessons are a part of who I am. You will never be punished for doing something wrong unless I have taught you the proper way first. You can expect to be "raised" as my own and molded into what I think you should be. This does not mean that your individuality will be stripped or that you can't be you. It encompasses your behaviors and attitudes rather then your character. I believe firmly in the Psychological importance of this dynamic of Dom/sub and feel that the psychological aspects are even more important then the physical. For a living, I am a painter/sculptor/artist and I do fairly well for myself. I have a very nice home, a nice car, and a stable environment. A lot of my time is spent doing charity work because I believe in giving back to the community. My little one will also do charity work along my side which makes for good quality time. Romance is something that I can't live without. Picinics on the beach, a walk in the country, holding hands, and cuddling. I'm very open about the details of my little one's yearnings and cravings as I've experienced quite a bit within this realm. Open communication is what I thrive on in a relationship and you will either openly communicate or you will be taught how to openly communicate. The items checked off in my "interest list" are things that I enjoy, have experienced or want to experience or things that I am open to"....some of the things listed are practices that my previous girlfriends have enjoyed. The dynamics of this relationship are not based on one individual, but rather on two. Harmony and balance of needs and wants must be reached to have a happy and fulfilling relationship. Did I mention cuddling?

***UPDATE***

It's amazing to me that I'm going to share this part of me with the many of you that will read my profile. Having my photo for you to see who I am frightens me inside, now that I'm sharing some of my deepest secrets with you. Life is too short and too complicated to keep it to myself. Yes, I consider myself very dominant in most areas of my life and it seems to be "acceptable" to be a DOM within the context of D/s. Apparently, it's not ok to have a Dom side and a Submissive side. I'm amazed at the number of closed minded individuals that I've met within this realm that tell me that I have to be one or the other, and the amount of submissive woman that tell me that they are not interested because I have a small submissive side. How can you acknowledge your own inner desires and yearnings while admonishing someone else for theirs? I realize that I have "baggage" as they say. An abusive childhood has turned me into a BIG TEDDY BEAR that loves to nurture, protect, guide and cuddle. I've become a dominant because those in charge while growing up didn't handle their roles in a dignified manner, they didn't know how to nurture, protect and guide. Here's the big shocker! As a result, I unfortunately acquired the fetish known as infantilism. It's listed here as a fetish and there are other people that entertain the fetish for a multitude of reasons. I try to put a percentage on how dominant I am verses how submissive I am and so far I would say that I'm about 90% Dom and the rest submissive. I don't fantasize about being beaten, chained, or degraded....My submissive side comes out when I'm stressed or distressed. I fantasize about being treated like a baby! Put into a diaper and cuddled close to someone while they run their fingers through my hair. It's fairly simple......I've experienced it only a few times since I've been a DomDaddy for nearly 16 years. I'm usually the one running my fingers through someone's hair while they are cuddled in my lap. I actually only shared this notion with a select few people because I've taken so many negative comments from within this community about that subject. Too many people just don't understand it. A quick synopsis of it is that the person finds comfort returning to a time when they remember being cared for and nurtured and loved unconditionally. I decided to reveal this part of me because it's just that..........a part of me. I can't get rid of it...I've been to the pro's and I've been told that it's mapped into my head. So, I should find a partner that is accepting and understanding. I thought it only fair to share this with those of you that might consider writing me. I've received quite a few letters and thank you for them, but I'm not being fair by only sharing part of me.
My Ideal Person:
I'm looking for a good hearted girl. Your lean towards submissive or slave is not as important as your lean towards having a Paternal figure rather then a "whips and chains" Dom. Whether you feel yourself as a submissive or a slave, you will be open to giving yourself and all of your heart to your Dom. I want you to want me to raise you as I see fit. You should enjoy a healthy combination of Discipline, Punishment, and nurturing. You should enjoy being taken care of when you are good and stood in the corner or spanked when you are bad. I'm a creative type and that goes along with coming up with creative punishments...to keep you on your toes and well behaved. You should have good morals and values, if you don't...then you will be taught. You will have many freedoms unless they are revoked for punishment. My little one will enjoy being dressed in an evening gown as well as a t-shirt and jeans, depending on the situation. You will have hobbies and interests of your own, you will be your own person. You should also have your family values in place...as I would like to have a family and one day. This is one of those Capitalized statements, "I would like to have !!!" If you have a or already, don't let that disrupt your willingness to write me.

Note: When we communicate, I will expect pictures that are G-rated. I appreciate a pretty smile and I already know what the female body looks like. I'm more interested in the person. If you send me a dirty picture, you can expect a spanking if we ever meet. I will send you a picture for every one that you send me. Eventually, I will also require a phone call. I'm looking for my little one to share the world with. It's no fun going on a journey by yourself. Big Hugs
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Time in the Garden
Posted:Jun 9, 2006 6:36 pm
Last Updated:Jan 10, 2021 8:09 pm
95968 Views
It’s been yet another wonderful day in the gardens. The garden is my place to find to find freedom from the world, freedom from the angst, and most of all, freedom from myself. My mind seems to focus on the project at hand and less on the trials and tribulations of life. I’m allowed to absorb my surroundings and actually enjoy some of the simplest pleasures that we all take for granted.
This past week, I’ve been visited by the family of Blue Jays; mother, father, and three youngsters still learning how to conquer gravity. They don’t seem to mind sharing the yard with me as they ramble about the yard hopping from limb to limb with an occasional crash landing into one of the garden beds. The youngsters are easy to spot as they have ruffles of soft fluff around the neck in a pale gray. I sat and watched two of the youngsters do their “I’m the hungriest” dance with a frantic flutter of their wings and an open mouth eager for food from the Papa Jay. The adult flew in and with the precision of a watchmaker, he readily darted his large pointy beak into the mouths of the waiting young and shared his bounty before flying off to find more. This morning, I’ve been watching one of the youngsters sit outside my office perched on a tree limb, seemingly alone and abandoned. He has been crying all morning and performing his chants for food with no answer. A mother cardinal flew near and he instinctually fluffed up, spread his wings and started his chant for food, but it was futile as the cardinal flew away; the youngster went silent. I thought perhaps this might be the time that the parents cut the apron strings for him to survive on his own, so I greased the limbs of the tree with suet and hand packed the suet with bird seed to give the little guy a helping hand. While I was leaving the yard from my humanitarian mission, I saw the adults fly in to scope out the scene.
I can hear the cardinals as I sit and write this, they have a very distinct chirp as do most birds. The most common birds that I attract in the yard are Blue Jays, Cardinals, Grosbeaks, hummingbirds, mocking birds, finches, quaker parrots, doves, and Ibis. I also recently found a family of Screech owls on the back 40……… (back 40 feet of yard). Hunting down plans to build a screech owl nesting box was added to the ever expanding “to do” list that I keep posted on the fridge.
My morning routine generally consists of sipping my coffee as I walk along the perimeter of the yard inspecting the approximately 300ft of garden beds. I take a few steps and sip as I look for freshly sprouted weeds trying to break the surface of the mulch. Recently, I started finding corn stalks growing and realized that the squirrels were burying the kernels from the wild feed mix that I’ve been offering. I’ve stopped giving the corn, and to my delight, the weeding has lessened.
1 comment
Character trait......"outspoken"
Posted:May 6, 2006 3:56 am
Last Updated:Jul 25, 2010 4:39 am
95953 Views

One of the traits that I have is that I'm very outspoken in public. Apathy is not something that I approve of for myself and I am quite opinionated.

I can get quite emotional when I see wrong being committed. While banking yesterday, I was waiting in line with 4 or 5 others and a woman with a small 3 to 4 year old was at the window cashing a check. The was being a and walking around and trying to get attention from the other customers with smiles and futile attempts at sharing her toy. The woman admonished the with a firm grab and told her to stay put. The took a few more steps to offer her toy to yet another customer and the woman raised her hand over her head and brought down a full force blow to the childs shoulder/arm. The sound of the smack seemed to echo off the walls of the bank and my stomach bound into knots immediately. "That's a little severe! How would you like it if someone did that to you? Do it again and I'll call the cops!" these are the things that I started in with....I was in such a state of shock and anger that I don't recall everything that I said...I do recall telling her that she must feel inferior if she finds a need to beat on people that are defenseless and can't protect themselves. I went on to make a point that she was a sad individual that needed a parenting class. My voice is deep and carries quite well, I had it raised so that the entire bank was well aware of what was going on. "The saddest thing, I announced for all to hear, is that she didn't cry!! That must mean she is used to your abuse and she thinks it's normal to get pummeled!!" She told me to mind my own business and I informed her that she made it my business when she struck a defenseless . One of the landscape crew piped in and said "Nothing wrong with a little discipline.".....I said, "I believe in discipline, but not abuse...and there is a clear difference!" The man in front of me did call the police while we were in line and followed her out to take down her tag number. I waited for the police to let them know that it was all captured on the banks film for evidence if needed. I was informed by the teller that the same woman hit the in the parking lot on the day prior.
It hurt my heart to see and experience that incident. I keep getting images in slow motion and thinking about the fact that the didn't shed a single tear. If you are familiar with abuse and the psychological impact, it's understood that daily abuse desensitizes the victim to pain. ny I never admonish a parent for disciplining a with a swat on the bottom or even a few on the bottom.....I think it should be a last alternative, but it's a parents right to make that decision. I always speak out if I see anything that is excessive. I'll follow up on this through the police department until the home gets investigated. I was informed that it wasn't even her mother. It was the babysitter or aunt. The thing that bothers me as well is the fact that not one person, other then the older man, said a word. At least not until she left the bank...then they piped up saying "that was severe", "I would never hit my like that", etc, etc, etc... Apathy is the demise of our society.
The last time I spoke out was in a Barnes and Noble....I saw a father yell at his and then he proceeded to grab him very tightly around his upper arm and litterally dragged him through the aisle. Again, my drill sargeant voice carried through the entire store with "HEY, How would you like it if I did that to you??" "Do you really think that's necessary?" He told me to mind my own f***ing business and I told him that if he didn't let go, I would step in to defend the . (this is allowed by law, but still risk a civil lawsuit). His wife came over and calmed him down and took the with her. It's not so much the incident that we witness in public...it's the fact that you know the incident would have been magnified if in private. Those that can't control their rage in public against their , certainly would have less to worry about in the privacy of their own home.
I thought about being a advocate, but I couldn't afford all the lawsuits from beating the crap out of the morons that beat and abuse their .
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less then perfect.......but human.
Posted:May 3, 2006 3:55 am
Last Updated:Sep 13, 2014 12:37 pm
96038 Views

It's not a good feeling when you have to admit that you have been a complete ass, but it happens sometimes. I've been dreading this entry as I've contemplated what to write for a couple of weeks now. The task doesn't go away, but it's been nagging at me to get done. I would apologize again, but that's getting old and I'm out of excuses for my lack of correspondence.

I thought it was a wonderful idea to share myself with everyone here, to express my thoughts and feelings with this blog. It was certainly freeing and the few notes that I received were inspiring, understanding and supportive. Now that I've shared my deepest secret, I'm trying to deal with the ramifications (self-perceived). I walked around for the 35 years with my secret tucked away safely in it's place. Now that I shared it, my facade has crumbled. The juxtaposition of my masculine self and my inner- is a lot to deal with. Honestly, I didn't think it would effect me this drastically. With my secret tucked away, I was confident in myself and my "image" of how I saw myself as a man. Now, it's evident, that I need to work on not only sharing but accepting. Acceptence of the part of me that has been hidden away for so long. I've already admitted to myself that I'm probably being overdramatic (is there a hyphen in that word)....
I've also reorganized my priority list. I've been so used to filling up my time, taking on too many projects, trying to make a mark on the world that I've lost touch with my number one priority...that is to find a soul to share life with. The projects have all been put on the back burner (it's a very large stove) My new list of priorities is: 1. Searching out my little one 2. Working out and getting healthy 3. Working on my house and gardens 4. Painting in the studio........... that's it. I have many years ahead of me to work on all of the other things that will be sitting on the back burners. Have you ever been so involved in a project or task that you lose track of time??? I've done that for the past year. Someone recently told me "You are going through what you need to go through to get to where you need to be!".....(thank you to that person) That thought hasn't left my head and it prompted me to write. I can't go back and change the things that occurred, but I can certainly move forward to where I'm going, wherever that might be. I believe that I've been over-associating with the secret side of me since I shared it with this blog. The inner- side of me is such a small part of me that doesn't show up very often, but when it does, it's very strong. Perhaps it's my artistic imagination that has turned me into a tailspin these past few months, prompting me to make it out for more then what it is.
I've felt embarrassed and a little humiliated about that 10% of myself because it just hasn't gone with the image that I've held all these years. I haven't been able to visualize standing in front of someone that actually knows about my inner- and the activities of that side. The time is right to stand up again after all this self-loathing and pity. As much as I love a party, the pity party I've had for myself isn't what I had in mind. It's something that I had to go through.....so, once again..... I apologize for forgetting the principles that I like to live by.....A gentleman's code which includes being polite. I failed at being polite when I didn't return correspondence in a timely fashion, it's just plain rude.
I smiled today after realizing that my image as a Man has actually been bolstered by my sharing.....being strong enough to share my vulnerabilities. Now, I've shared and accepted. It is nice to know that I have no secrets to hold back, no fear of rejection, and no suprises....(ok, maybe a few suprises)
So, here we go..........let's see if I can actually return correspondence. I won't be offended if the few of you that wrote do not feel like writing back, I may have lost the privilage of a return letter since it's been so long.
On another note, after self-analysis, I don't think I was truly over losing my entire family back in January or February when I started writing in this blog. I was rushing it and didn't give myself time to actually accept the idea that my grandmother, mother, and brother would be no more. It's a hard reality to wrap your mind around......no more weekly calls to see how everyone is doing, no more big holiday dinners, etc.......
So, here we go.......as the saying goes....."Today is the first day of the rest of my life!". What a wonderful saying and so true for everyone. Smile and be happy

P.S. I've been working out quite a bit and getting all kinds of Muscles (puffing out chest) Woooooo Hooooooo I'll be adding new pictures soon..
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I need 3 of me...... :(
Posted:Mar 5, 2006 3:35 am
Last Updated:Mar 13, 2006 11:45 am
96054 Views

What a month... My correspondence is non-existent and again, I have to apologize. When you sit back and listen to yourself apologizing so often, you know it's out of character. If it happens more then 3 or 4 times in any given month, then it's a necessity to sit back and re-evaluate the situation to find the problem.

If you have read up on my blog, you will know that I took a few months off...and have been playing catch up since the New Year. When it rains, it pours. I went from having no projects to having too many. I've wrangled them together and managed to put a couple on the back burner, but I still have too much to do.

I don't honestly know how people manage a household and outside interests. I'm at my wits end. The main projects that I'm presently working on, just to give you an idea...
1. Researching Ph.d programs in Art History
2. Starting 2 businesses
3. Launching African/Oceanic art society
4. Planning trip to India/Nepal for June
5. Working on studio commissions (paintings) (3 commissions at the moment)

6. Managing a collectible store on ebay.

Those are the main projects that have been consuming my time. I wake at 3am to 5am and grab a coffee to start my day. Sometimes, I'll start in the studio and paint for an hour before I start the online research or auctions. I drop into the studio about 4 to 5 times a day to add a few strokes to the canvas. I run constantly and by the time night falls, I'm exhausted. I've fallen asleep at the computer several times this week. I realized I was taking on too much, so I placed a few things on the back burner.

You know, when you have everything stuffed into a realistic order and it all seems just right...someone comes along and throws a wrench into your system. The insurance company informed me that I have to have the trees trimmed around the property where they are too close to the house. I also have to build a fence around a portion of the east garden to prevent people from falling into the jacuzzi. They demanded that it all be done a.s.a.p. ....so, i've added that to the ever-expanding list. I actually managed to find 2 hours to go work in the back gardens, I still have to get the irrigation fellow out here to install my sprinkler system. sigh...just too much.

I'm quite eager to have a partner...I'm looking forward to slowing down a bit.

Along with all of the other projects, I act as a consultant to the area antique and trift stores. They call me when they get anything that is carved, african or otherwise unknown so that I can identify and appraise. It's a free service which I offer so that I can learn and experience more on the subjects that I research.

I also have my reading rule which I try to live by. Every night before I fall asleep, if I'm in a bed..LOL I read for 30 minutes or until I fall asleep. I keep a stack of art reference books on the nightstand. Often, I only get in about 10 minutes as my eyes force themselves shut. If you read only 15 minutes a day before bed, that's 91 hours of reading a year. The average person reads about 220 wpm which would result in aproximately 1,204,500 words. It's amazing how 15 minutes a day can add up. The average "novel" is between 80,000 to 120,000 words. 10 Novels a year... not bad for bedtime reading.

It's almost 6:30am and I should be going over my schedule and cleaning up. I have a breakfast downtown at 8am and a Polo Match at 1pm. (I don't play polo, but I enjoy the game and I'll be shooting photos for an upcoming commission.

I should be able to launch the Art society in a few weeks which will take a lot of things off my hands. Once the officers are in position, then I can delegate and just manage.

Well, I am going to try to get to my mail, but I'm not promising anything. I'm trying to make this a priority in my life, but having a hard time.

James
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Trying to catch up.... ..domestically dysfunctional!! :)
Posted:Jan 19, 2006 3:19 pm
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2007 1:29 am
96102 Views

It's amazing how much stuff piles up when you decide to take a whole month off of life. I'm also repainting the rooms as I clean the house, but spring cleaning was needed. I enjoy things neat and orderly, but when I get depressed or carried away in the studio, the house gets messy! It's like someone else comes in and messes it up when I'm not looking. I had a couple of deaths in the family this year and it was a difficult time. I was going to shut off my profile because I was getting wonderful notes and I couldn't find it in me to respond. I was just at a loss for words and I surely didn't want to spread any sadness, so I didn't respond. I feel quite like an ass now, since it was rude and selfish of me not to respond in a polite and timely manner. I've been working on sending a reply to everyone that has written and also to all of those that have winked. I don't doubt that I've lost a chance to get to know some of you that have written, purely because of my lack of response. I do apologize and now think back and the solution would have been to just send a short note..or something. So...ok, I do deserve some cornertime! Maybe even a spanking...(not too hard though, cuz I did apologize already!

As I said earlier, I'm spring cleaning as I go through the house. I'm very good at it when I'm motivated and I'm horrible at it all the rest of the time. Well, ok..not horrible. I get complimented on the house quite often and I enjoy a clean house. It's just that I haven't mastered how to keep the outside of the house looking good and the inside looking good all at the same time. What on earth!! If the gardens and yard are looking good and ready for the cover of Homes and Gardens...then the inside of the house falls apart. The inside of the house is a war..a constant battle that is never won but can easily be lost. The dust, the spots, the grease marks, the smudges, the stains, ...what about the brigade of fuzzy bunnies!! I have two cats, so it's just magnified! Tell me more about dusting please..anyone...someone... I will admit that I have too many sculptures and it takes a lot of dusting. The wood furniture needs to be dusted and polished. I think I want a big glass dome over the house so I wont have to dust any more. I am thinking of getting some ionic breezes or something of that sort to suck the dust out of the air. Oh...Origami...or as most of you like to call it, Laundry! I would rather scrub out the gutters with a toothbrush. I'm good at getting it to the washer and dryer (not always in the right order), but then after the dryer, my anxiety rises as the mound of clean laundry stares me in the face and dares me to fold it!!! I do pretty good, but it doesn't look anything like it does in the store. Ok, well, I'll share a few things with you about my past in the domestically dysfunctional category. The following are some of the things I have done in the past, not proudly. When in college, I used to use a 2x4 to jam things into the washer so I could do more wash in a single load. (a neighbor lady explained why I shouldn't do that after she saw me one day and nearly fell over in laughter); I've used ivory bar soap and a grater from the kitchen for the wash. (not a very good idea); I used liquid soap from the sink in the wash. (also not a good idea); I took the dryer apart looking for the missing socks! (I'll never admit this in public); I've bleached the things that didn't need bleach and overbleached the bleached things... I have enough pink shrunken dress shirts to outfit a platoon of Pretty Oompa Loompas. I eventually figured out that dry cleaning was actually cheaper then trying to do it myself. So, they get the dress clothes and I do the rest. Tell me what's up with the Space Control Dash on the washing machine? What ever happened to "ON and OFF". Mild,hot,cold,temperate,hotcold, etc...there are more buttons on the washing machine then I have in the car. I could go on and on about the house cleaning stuff...I really do try, but it's way too much for one guy to keep up with. It's getting late and I need to return another letter or two before sleep... I'll be devoting most of my day tommorow to returning correspondence. Thank you for reading and feel free to leave comments or suggestions...(especially cleaning tips)
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