|
Change means moving forward.
|
Jan 1, 2007 9:30 am
Mood: cheerful,
753 Views
|
I've been away for a while, and I've missed you all. It's been an interesting time. This has not been my healthiest winter, but mostly I've been struggling through realizing that my relationship with Sir D just isn't coming back.
I miss him terribly, I worry about him some times, and I hope that we can continue to be friends.
However, there have been good changes too! In late September, I had one of those startling "who threw the world in the dryer?!" moments. I logged on to the Alt messenger. I was frankly bored and figured I'd either have some interesting conversation or I'd have fun playing with the idiots. I got an IM from a random guy, who opened with asking me about my tag line "Finding my wings." He got my usual honest response, but didn't give me the usual response of silence and then changing the subject. Instead, he responded with "Oh how sweet!" This intrigued me!
For over an hour we talk about everything from our philosophies of BDSM to experiences and what we liked. In that tiny little picture, I caught something familiar, but promptly dismissed it. It would be far too much of a coincidence .... Finally we got around to introductions. "Hi, I'm Nae!" "Hello, I'm 'T'." At this point I needed to pick my jaw up off the ground, so I just crawled under my desk for a moment.  I was now rather sure that this was the friend I'd thought of when I looked at the tiny picture. I asked a quick question which caused T to respond that obviously we knew each other. I think he figured it out just as I hit enter to give him my full first name, which is how he knew me. Fortunately, things didn't become awkward after that little revelation.
So the upside of this is that I am now having lots of fun playing with T. I have the advantage of someone I've done lots of volunteer work with, that I trusted before this ever came up, and he's just plain fun. 
There's lots more, but I need to get some other things done today! I'm glad to be back, horribly behind on everyone's blogs, and everyone have a Happy New Year!
|
|
|
7
Comments
|
|
|
She got me!
|
Sep 25, 2006 8:09 pm
Mood: giggly,
903 Views
|
Well, I was tagged by the lovely _idole_ for the 6 odd facts tag.
1. I can play entire video games in my head while attempting to bore myself to sleep.
2. I am the most anal/perfectionist/over-systematized person you will ever meet about laundry. It is a great victory that I only sort into 7 loads of laundry.
3. I am an office supply junkie. There is very little that makes me happier than a new office supply toy. I literally did a little happy dance when L bought me a laser printer that DUPLEXED!
4. I apparently present as extremely organized, but it's all in self-defense. I am an entropy generator -- I strew clutter in my wake.
5. In reference to #3, color-coding makes me positively giddy.
6. There really should be something kinky in this list, so I'll throw in that I can take significantly more abuse on my breasts than on my ass. I apparently have an exceptionally tender ass.
|
|
|
5
Comments
|
|
|
Happiness is ...
|
Aug 28, 2006 7:04 pm
Mood: happy,
973 Views
|
Being able to sit at his feet again, listening to the music and just talking. Making dinner for him, and cleaning up the kitchen with him. Something has finally convinced him to let me help, at least a little bit. I stopped by to see him yesterday on my way to work at the State Fair. I barely stayed an hour, but oh it made me happy to just sit and pet him.
Tonight, I went over and taught him how to make my tuna pasta salad. Again, I was only there for a couple of hours, but now, I'm feeling much more at peace with where things are at. I no longer fear that he'll drift out of my life. It hasn't been an easy summer, but I made it. Now, I have hope that we've made it too.
The energy for the overt D/s dynamic isn't there right now, but honestly, I'm okay with that. I can believe that when the time is right, that will return too.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
|
A bit of a scare
|
Aug 25, 2006 8:14 pm
988 Views
|
Sir gave me a bit of scare this week -- he passed out at work! They aren't sure what's wrong. It definitely wasn't a heart attack. He's got to wear a heart monitor for the next month. The one good thing to come of it was that I was able to convince him to let me come have dinner with him. If nothing else, I needed to reassure myself that he was okay.
I was very happy while I was with him -- it was so good to see him and talk to him again. I really enjoyed being able to just sit and chat.
Dear gods I miss him though. I wish I could see my way clear to how to continue moving forward.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
|
Tagging, Tagging
|
Aug 21, 2006 7:26 pm
Mood: cheerful,
970 Views
|
Well it seems like everyone is doing this and tagging everyone else. So far, I've managed to answer for DominaDelight, but I promise I'll get to the rest! But since I said I'd post it, here it is.
1.Your Full Name {or Alt handle if this makes you uncomfortable}:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song:
6. Favorite Band/Rapper/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...
1. Do we know each other outside of alt?
2. Whats your philosophy on life?
3. Would you have my back in a fight?
4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
5. What is your favorite memory of us?
6. Would you give me a kidney?
7. Tell me one odd/intresting fact about you:
8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
9. Can we get together and make a cake?
10. Have you heard any rumors of me lately?
11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?
12. Do you think I'm a good person?
13. Would you drive across country with me?
14. Do you think I'm attractive? Please feel free to expound, heh.
15. If you could change anything about me, would you?
16. What do you wear to sleep?
17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
18. Would you go on a date with me if I asked you?
19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
20. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
Wooohoooo!
|
Aug 10, 2006 7:03 pm
Mood: ecstatic,
1084 Views
|
I went to the doctor today.
My bone has fully knit and is ossifying nicely. There is only a 15 degree deflection in the bone, which is very impressive for someone "with, well, bosoms" as the doctor said. You can actually heal with a deflection of up to 35 degrees in the humerus and there will be no visible or functional difference!
I am now to start moving my arm and getting my range of motion back. When I go back in three weeks, he wants me to be able to raise my arm out straight in front of me to fully above my head (like a tomahawk chop), rotate my arm out 30 degrees with my elbow at my side, and raise my elbow to in line with my shoulder, all under my own power.
The best part? I CAN DRIVE!
Also, absolutely no painkillers for me today!
|
|
|
5
Comments
|
|
|
Random pondering
|
Aug 9, 2006 7:46 pm
Mood: hopeful,
1066 Views
|
Well, I'm definitely getting better. I went back to work 2 weeks ago. That's been hard, but I've managed to start digging myself out. Motivation is difficult too; it's hard to believe I'll ever catch up. The lack of a on-site manager who knows what's going on isn't helping either.
I haven't talked much about this here, but I help run a convention about anime (a Japanese style of animation) here in the midwest. It was last weekend. I keep swearing that one of these years I'm going to take a break (maybe 2008 since I've already volunteered to do it again next year). The hotel was ... interesting. In the Chinese sense. Nothing like losing 1 of 4 elevators in a 16-floor hotel with 1700+ people there, much less by 4 pm on Friday! I'm still exhausted, but it seems that almost all attendees had a great time and didn't notice all the snafu's behind the scenes. Honestly, that makes it all worth it.
I've exchanged a few emails with Sir and things have settled a bit. We're still friends, we may still play, he does still want me in his life. For me, that's settled quite a bit in my mind. Now, I can honestly believe that it isn't me he's trying to get away from. Now, I don't need to doubt myself for trusting him so. If his life changed, it changed. He didn't exactly go looking for it, but it happened. If nothing else, I haven't lost the dear friend I've found.
Being this helpless has really made me think though. It was profoundly disturbing those first few weeks. There was very little I could do for myself, much less anyone else. I'm not used to that. It is just my nature to be doing for those around me. Even the little things I was physically able to do, I regularly forgot, thanks to the drugs I was on. Being able to do things for others has made me even happier than being able to do things for myself. Although there was an amazing bliss in being able to wash myself for the first time! I'm still trying to sort what, if anything, this tells me about my desire to submit.
For the first time in my life, I've been forbidden to even play with myself. To quote my orthopedist, "large muscle contractions are not your friend these days." This has been VERY difficult for me! I actually haven't quite been able to follow the rules, but I've been careful to keep things low key. I can tell I'm feeling much better, though. I'm getting more and more horny and antsy and did I mention horny? Sadly, L is terrified that she'll end up hurting me somehow. *sigh* Thank GOD I go to the doctor tomorrow!
I'm getting very stir-crazy too. I'm not allowed to drive, and I'm tired of only going places someone else wants to go. If I could have, I'd probably have shown up on Sir's doorstep with dinner and a Netflix by now. I'm just not willing to ask L to take her time to drive me to his place or to any of the local events. She's not interested in them, so why drag her out of the house, when she'll only have to come back to pick me up?
It's hard to be patient and to realize that it's likely to be October before I'm really ready for anything like the kind of play I could handle before I fell. My right shoulder is a total disaster that is going to take a long time to put back together. I have no idea how long it will before I can manage something simple like being on hands and knees. I know that anyone with a scrap of creativity can find plenty of deliciously evil ways to play despite that. But what I'm longing for is the familiar. To be sent to the towel spread at the end of his bed to get into "my" position of hand and knees, knees spread wide, weight on my elbows. To lean against the wall, awaiting the flogger. Someday ....
Well, I've whined enough and L is home from stitch-n-bitch. Hopefully you'll start seeing me around more and commenting more again.
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
|
Catching up!
|
Jul 17, 2006 10:03 am
Mood: cheerful,
1137 Views
|
I'm sorry, this took so long, allywaterfall6!
"Please answer with four answers to each category *only*!"
First Four Jobs I Had in My Life...
1. Babysitter
2. Teaching Assistant
3. Temp Secretary
4. Library clerk
Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over...
1. The Princess Bride
2. Yours, Mine, and Ours (the original Lucille Ball version)
3. Spaceballs
4. Original Star Wars Trilogy
Four Favorite D/s things
1. Flogging
2. Kneeling to wait for him
3. Nipple Clamps
4. Mind Fuck
Four Places I've Been on Vacation...
1. Black Hills
2. Ecuador
3. Trinidad, Bolivia
4. Kansas City
Four Bloggers I'd love to observe while they play...
1. UTMaster4U
2. _Chris
3. MistressCesca
4. DominaDelight
Four of My Favorite Foods...
1. Dark Chocolate
2. Really good fresh shrimp
3. My mother's round steak recipe
4. Hickory Park BBQ
Four Places I'd Consider Moving to...
1. Another Twin Cities suburb
2. Seattle
3. Toronto
4. Vancouver
Four Bloggers I'm Tagging...
No one -- I'm too far behind!
|
|
|
6
Comments
|
|
|
Slow improvement
|
Jul 17, 2006 9:52 am
Mood: okay,
1127 Views
|
Well, it seems that breaking one's humerus (upper arm bone) is a bit more serious than I originally thought! I've been on heavy pain meds for 3 weeks now, and I'm finally going to try stepping down from Percoset to Darvoset tomorrow. I've been off work since I fell (thank goodness for short-term disability insurance!). When I saw the doctor last week, I got clearance to try typing with two hands. I've figured a way that works for a little bit at least.
Basically, I'm in a brace called a "Sarmiento" for the next couple of months. It's a padded plastic shell that velcros tightly around my upper arm. My doctor says I'll probably spend a total of 12 weeks in the brace and sling. Using my bicep or tricep in the arm is a no-no until I'm done. Then, it's 12-18 months of physical therapy to get my arm back to normal. Sadly, it's going to be a while before many of my favorite kinky activities are even an option.
If you are ever unfortunate enough to need a sling for extended wear, I can't say enough about the Ultimate Arm Sling from Joslin. Just google the name. It's comfy, washable, and I can even sleep in it.
I've also been told to start passively moving my elbow. The doctor gave me one hell of a motivation -- once I could let my arm dangle by my side for a few minutes, I could have a shower!!!! After weeks of sponge baths (L is an angel with the patience of a saint and a stress load to knock out an elephant), I couldn't wait! It only took me from Tuesday to Friday to manage that, and I had my first shower in 3 weeks on Saturday. Bliss, pure bliss!
I may become a bit of a posting fool the next few days, as my brain is finally clearing, and I actually have the time to write some of this out.
|
|
|
4
Comments
|
|
|
So much for that plan!
|
Jun 27, 2006 12:11 pm
Mood: groggy,
1307 Views
|
|
For those of you who haven't heard, I was a great big dumbass Sunday. I slipped and fell in the shower and broke the humerus in my right arm. It's an oblique break, which is good and bad. I don't have to have surgery, but I do have a brace/cast and sling for the next 8-12 weeks. After that, lots and lots of PT. I'm still in a fair amount of pain, although not as bad as before the brace. They have given me the good drugs, at least. Typing with one hand is really annoying on an ergonomic keyboard, so I'll stop now. Prayers and healing vibes are much appreciated.
|
|
|
12
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (KneelingMN) use [blog KneelingMN] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
11
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
|
|
|
|
