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My Blog

Welcome to my blog!

Realization
Posted:Jul 10, 2015 6:13 pm
Last Updated:Jul 13, 2015 4:07 am
18643 Views

I read my horoscope today, something i do it more times than not contains salient point pertaining to ones life. It confirmed for me that my outlook, approach, philosphy about how I CHOOSE to persue bdsm as a Dominant a Top a bi-sexual male that is address as "Master" by some is the right approach for me and those that still desire to be or become my sub/slave/ property. I want them to choose and to know that choice is always theirs . even when I "OWN"them have them in bondage. this is a lead into , have lost a slave for unknown reasons , after 2 plus years the last 2 months having no communication virtually at all with her. her being a lovely and beautiful mtf that is forced to crossdress in male quise for for a very good reason.. Having her lose comfort ,trust, faith and respect for and in me made me angry , sad a bruised ego and wondering why. Yet losing her has taught me a lesson in what it is to be truly a "Master"more rekindled my thought that to "master be Master" of another one must be "Master "of self . I failed her in that I doubted my senses second guess myself and accepted responses to questions and hint placed before her for trth of what was wrong long before this 2month of her feeling that I was not worthy of her. sound funny but I failed her not the other way around. Not for fear of being wrong more so I believed and still do that she deserved had earned the right to come to me in her own time to tell me what was the issue, I sensed before the 1st of may that there was something not right and did not push /force the issue as I should have, that is my failure for I was "Master" , her deciet, obfuscations are my burden, we may have still come to this break, yet it could have should have been better than this. I may write more as I continue in the future. but for now I am using this forum here and on fetlife to hopfully make my self better as a"Master" a Dominant a Top for those that are still mine to claim and any that may come in the future. they are just as important to me as she still is in my life and deserve the best that I have to offer.
I do miss her, still love her and damn sure want her to find what happiness she can that I was and am unable to provide.
I will still from time to time look her up unless she has me banned from both sites, Iwill still care that she is doing well .and want her to know this.
for tis day ,this time I feel good about writing what I think and feel whether others think of me in a positive or negative light , does not bother me. what I feel about myself is more important.
until the next time . be well, be safe , be careful.
SMILE BE HAPPY
sIR mAtU "mASTER"
2 Comments
funny thing loss
Posted:Jul 6, 2015 3:56 pm
Last Updated:Nov 21, 2016 8:53 am
18419 Views

I am heart broken, yet I did it to my self. I have struggled with this for 2months , am have discovered that I am not bitter, kind of strange. I do not want revenge, strange. that breaking of the heart will not change me basically, I will adjust how I do somethings , but will still give my belief in others freely. I gues we all (meaning Dominants ) feel we can not be hurt , I found out to the contrary , it is how I allowed myself to break my own heart with the loss of someone I held dear as a slave, a fem a person.. what hurt the most was not knowing why and being discard like so much trash, damn I thought I understood others who have experienced similiar experience of being tossed aside without so much as a fair thee well, now I know.
there are some who will say cut the crying bleeding heart shit, you are a man , so deal with it. being a man does not make it easier to deal with pain. and this is how I am healing as well as with knowing there are others that still desire me. hopefully the future will make it so that this will guide me to have anyone else that may have grown to dislike, hate, or just not want to be bothered by me the the courtesy of saying so if not in person at least in writing. a dear john hurts but it does offer closure. Into life rain will fall , it may be bothersome but it cleans and heals.
thanks for the forum to be able to express whatever you think is here.
1 comment
The Pain of Loss
Posted:Jun 19, 2015 1:50 am
Last Updated:Nov 21, 2016 8:52 am
19114 Views

Since august of ast year I have Lost 2 people in My life . Different circumstances. One I do have closure for and it kicked me in the ass hard set me back , I sunk into a deep depression, this was the unexpected death via the 4th and finally battle with cancer of a dear and much loved submissive.yet there was closure. I knew and understood what and why and how of the loss , knowing there was nothing anyone could do to fix it make it better or keep him alive.
The second lost came out of the blue as well, a loss unexpected with notice no communication what so ever, from a sub that I believed ( or wanted to believe) we had more than just a simple rapport after 2 plus yrs. I am hurt by this, yet there is no blame being placed or directed toward her, in some fashion I had failed her in such a manner for her to lose faith in me as her "Master" , that is my failure not hers. My she has contributed to my life as a person and as a slave, and I have let her down, that is my pain of this loss. that and having no closure with no understanding of how I failed , even if we could not resolve the breach. all you have chosen to call me "Master" have been informed from the outset their servitude is a willing choice and they may leave at anytime. her discarding me is a part of life her not willing to communication the desire to discard me state deep displeaure that I did not see or was blind to ,that is also part of my failure toward her.
I am not sure if I am a cry baby , an asshole , asorry so called "Master" or what. i needed to express myself , and it is of little consequence how I apppear , there are others sub//slave that require my attention so this is a meger way to puge my hurt.
last note, she is now was and willalways be a part of my life and I still do love her
thanks Sir MaTu
3 Comments

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