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Welcome to wherever I am...

Welcome to my blog!

Financial Domination, I just dont get it!
Posted:Apr 1, 2017 6:37 am
Last Updated:Mar 18, 2024 7:45 pm
2145 Views

I struggle with the concept of Findom. It seems to me to be a sub-fetish that has overtaken Female Domination and become something just as prominent, especially in the online world.

I accept and support the idea of paying for a service, or an exchange. I talk a lot online and I pay for the privilege sometimes, I try to approach with respect and if some tribute is required then I am happy to make it to spend some time with someone I find interesting.

But I just don’t get Financial Domination. The idea of just giving someone money and effectively walking away. I understand that in this instance the sub should want to tribute, that seeing their Domme happy will make them happy. But for me that is a momentary flight of happiness, just seconds and then weeks until the next tribute can be made.

So, from a submissive perspective, if I am not enjoying the activity at all, then I shouldn’t be talking part in it, right? I don’t mean to cause offence, but for me it’s a bit like getting cornered by the forceful charity collector in the high street, all your friends have put money in the tin, why won’t you? You should want to give, giving should make you happy, giving is what people do. Not to compare any Domme with a charity, but the act and the pressure are the same, for me at least.

Sure, once a connection has been made with a Domme then money or gifts will usually be given to show affection or to say a special thank you. But when I am told that I should enjoy giving someone money, because it makes them happy, well I can’t be told to enjoy something and have it automatically happen, so it’s just not for me.

So, this shouldn’t be a problem really, I just avoid it, or I make it clear that it’s not for me and that feeling will be respected. If I went to a Mistress for anything, feminization for example, and she was happy to provide the service, but half way through she tells me that I need to become her feminize toilet slave, I can say no, I didn’t want watersports, I was there for something different, in my mind it’s a million miles away from what I was asking for.

But I find that you can’t do this with Financial Domination, it appears to be everywhere. If your new Mistress suggests it then you have two choices, pay or walk away, there doesn’t seem to be much middle ground, or much acceptance if it’s not something that I like.

Many have it in their profiles in chat services, and I don’t blame them. It must be lucrative charging £30 just for letting someone to say Hello to you, and once you get someone willing to pay to say hello, then you can pretty much guarantee that they will give more.

I can easily see that from an honest Domme’s point of view it could weed out the endless fakes and the liars and just leave them with the core of submissive that are willing to tribute, and continued tribute is the aim of the game. So, they can increase their income and decrease their wasted time. Makes perfect sense, from a business point of view.

I don’t knock it at all, it’s a fetish I have explored for the last 8 months, I have talked to people, I have tried it, I didn’t like it. Some will undoubtedly say that I just don’t understand it, and that I should stop moaning about it if I don’t like it. They are right, I just don’t understand it.

I respect it as a fetish, if people like it then I am happy for them, if they want to try and explain it to me then I am happy to listen, but I couldn’t get into it.

So, my only question is, with it becoming more and more prominent, how do I avoid it?
0 Comments
"Vanilla Mode"
Posted:Mar 11, 2017 8:57 am
Last Updated:Mar 18, 2024 7:45 pm
2215 Views

Did you ever just feel not kinky, At All.

March 2015 I started talking with a Mistress online. Very regular, weekly, possibly more, this went on until about September 2015, when it just sort of fizzled out, real life seemed to take over, although there was nothing particularly going on that needed to be prioritised, I just didn't have the drive to explore any fetishes at that time.

My interested were only jump started when a plutonic female friend, who was staying with me over Christmas 2015, found some "Items" hidden in the bottom of my wardrobe while she was looking for Christmas wrapping paper. After some shock and a little confusion, I explained some things and she was interested and open minded enough to take an interest. This slowly got things going again and by April 2016, I was back to my old kinky self.

Back again talking with the Mistress I had spoken with the previous year. But this time things were different. I was not looking for personal satisfaction, I was interested in learning and understanding more. Again very regular weekly chats, up until October 2016, when I quickly lost interest again, I tried desperately to stay active and very quickly tried to explore a variety of new things to keep me interested.

Unfortunately nothing really worked and the relationship fell apart. It appeared to her that my behaviour was quite erratic, jumping from one fetish to another and never really explaining anything. I didn't communicate my issues very well and she grew inpatient. All my fault and I regret how it ended.

But again now, there is very little Kink in me and I'm only just starting to be interested again.

Its almost like a hibernation of sorts, 7 sunny months of exploration, followed by 5 winter months of little or no interest.

I can understand if it was every now and then over the course of weeks or months, but these are massive blocks of time when the switch if just turned off. Not to confuse things, everything still works fine! just as it always did, its just like I have been set to "Vanilla Mode" for the winter.

Has anyone else ever experienced a yearly cycle before? Perhaps I should check my start chart to see if I'm interacting with anything celestial during these time periods.
0 Comments
Sex Dream
Posted:Jul 16, 2016 3:27 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2016 4:24 pm
10373 Views

So I've had this dream, a couple of times now.

It came completely out of the blue, never thought about her or the situation, just sat up in a bit of a daze one day.

I am with an ex of mine, we were together in college, I guess we are both about 19.

Her name was Mel, she was about 5'8, I guess, long blonde hair and very flirty, that's how she got my attention in the first place. We were together for about a year, and had a lot of fun. I me an LOT of fun. I wont deviate much because she was special, but this is about the dream.

We are together, sitting on a bed, she has her back against the headboard of the bed and we are just sitting and kissing passionately. Hands all over each other, through her hair, around her back, under her top. Her hands are on the back of my head, I love it when she puts them there and pulls my head closer to her.

I slide my hands under her arse and she shifts her weight, lifting herself up for me. I know what's next, I'm going to slide her knickers and jeans off in one fast motion and dive down and worship that wonderful pussy of hers. I hope she keeps her hand on the back of my head, she knows I love that, she know I like to be guided by her.

Then I grab both sides of her jeans and pull then up over her knees and down to her ankles.

And there it is.

Not the beautifully trimmed pussy that had been expecting, that I have been dreaming of. But the biggest cock I have ever see. Sticking straight up in the air staring at me. Probably 12 inches and far to close to my face, my hands are still gripping her jeans and my mouth is open ready to dive down on her pussy.

I look At Mel, Her hands slide down and grip my wrists, she smiles, and looks back at me then at her cock, which is still rocking backwards and forwards slightly from the motion of ripping her jeans off.

Then I wake up.

Frustrated, well so am I!!.......
0 Comments
Friends List
Posted:Jul 16, 2016 2:48 pm
Last Updated:Jul 17, 2016 2:26 am
10448 Views

Am I getting old, All I think about now is "What!, When did that change"

Anyone remember when a Friend list was small, it was just people you would want to talk to again, and look our for online, and even meet one day.

What happened to those days, I guess they were pre-facebook, when online friends, were still friends. Now online friends are just a number, a cumulative total of your success in the online world.

Personally I have 9 pending friend requests from people I have never even spoken to, Who have never winked, flirted or messaged me and never attempted to chat on messenger. I have looked at there profiles and wondered how they picked me out. Some of them dont even speak the same language as me. So either communication will be very difficult between us, or my natural appeal will transcend the language barrier!!

So a friend list is now about community, but about racking up the numbers so that a person can look more appealing.

There are others, a recent influx I guess. That I have had a short conversation with and then accepted a friend request from, and then never heard from them again.

So now I am just a number, and not even a good number. I don't mind being a notch on someone's bedpost, if we both had fun and went our separate ways then that's fine. But this makes me feel more dirty in a way, a short conversation and then your friend list increases.

I feel like I want to De-Friend some people, is that even a option, If it was, is it acceptable in a throw away online world. Should I just stop moaning and start to rack up my friend count as well!!
0 Comments
So I have Psoriasis.
Posted:Jul 2, 2016 9:57 am
Last Updated:Jul 19, 2016 1:03 am
12302 Views

I know its not a sexy admission, its basically a skin condition, a rash, not contagious I should add.

Dating is tough enough, without someone ripping your shirt off to find a rash!! I always tell anyone that I am thinking of meeting, before anything ever happens. That's the point when they usually politely disappear. And I don't blame them, I would probably do the same thing if I was in their shoes.

The best reply I ever got was, "Well does it effect you ability to lick!" Well no it doesn't, for the record.
The silliest reply I ever got was "OK, but as long as that's all it is" Unfortunately I didn't get a certificate to prove it, so I am a little stuck there. But I see your point.

Usually this is when someone says "Gosh, you should really go to a doctor about that", Yes because that never occurred to me! I have had it over 10 years in one form or another, sometimes it comes a little and sometimes it goes a little, but its always about somewhere. I have tried all the creams and tablets and herbal cures that I can find. I have seen 5 different doctors and 2 specialists and no treatment has really worked.

Then they come back with a newspaper article, or web search, that claims a miracle cure. Which is nice of them, but I have usually already been there and tried that.

The fact is when it comes to meeting people, sometimes I just don't want to because I have to go thought telling them and explaining it, and then the uncomfortable bit where they see it for the first time and usually end up changing their minds about doing anything, and again I don't blame them, the simple fact is it doesn't look very nice and unfortunately it really kills the mood!

I don't post this to try and get sympathy or in the hope of a chorus of support. That's not what I want. I just want to put it out there, and see if anyone else is in the same situation and find out how they deal with it.
0 Comments
My Chastity Conundrum.
Posted:Jun 30, 2016 12:32 am
Last Updated:Jun 30, 2016 3:23 am
12264 Views
So I revealed to a close friend that I had once indulged in a little chastity play, many years ago and only for a very short time.

She was intrigued and wanted us to give it a go. So in an effort to surprise her I did a little window shopping and eventually purchased a CB6000. It arrived and I wanted to give it a go straight away, but to my surprise it was just too small, even after I let my initial excitement die down! it was still to small to squeeze me inside.

So I went back to the sellers website and chatted online with a nice sales assistant. She explained that I had brought a CB6000 short and that there was a larger version. Undeterred and at my slightly disappointed friends insistence, we purchased the larger version.

3 days later and the new devise arrived, and this one did not fit either. After several attempts, including some lubricant and even some ice to shrink things down, it seems that even at my most "soft" I am just a little bit too girthey to fit in. Back to the sellers website to see if they can help. After checking through the other devises the online assistant tells me that looks like the largest one they do.

"Would I prefer a sleeve without a lock?"

"Well no not really the lock is really the whole point of the devise, isn't it?"

"Humm yes I see your point, Oh dear she says, Too big for a chastity devise, I don't think we've ever had that complain before!" and laughs to herself. I appreciate her humour but now I don't know where to go with this problem.

Ideally I would prefer plastic, the large has a diameter of 1.375inches, we estimate I need closer to 1.5inches.

Unless there is a trick to getting in that I am not aware of?

Any ideas??
0 Comments
I've been away too long, so much has changed
Posted:Jun 25, 2016 3:11 pm
Last Updated:Jul 1, 2016 12:38 am
13292 Views

When I started there was hardly any internet to run to for fun, you just met someone in real life and suggested something, and then had a lot of fun doing it.

I have been a switch for many years and loved both aspects of it, but for right now I am more submissive than usual.

Now I come back and find that I am constantly being told that as a sub I don't have right to ask any questions, I must obey all commands without question, I must appear on cam, naked and immediately, I must answer every question I am asked and divulge every aspect of my life. While my prospective Dom stays behind, what is obviously a fake name and answers little or no questions and shares no information about themselves and provides only a suspiciously taken picture that probably isn't them.

So this is the internet and we all want to remain an little anonymous and still have fun, but surely, during our first couple of conversations we should at least try and build a little bit of trust before we get down to the real fun.

So when did submissive loose all their rights, and how and when did everything change and why??
0 Comments

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