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Little Girl Blogging

Thoughts and Feelings of a Little Girl... from Chaotic to Focused

He will lead. I will follow. That is my choice.
Posted:Jul 13, 2014 9:43 am
Last Updated:Mar 8, 2015 9:42 am
20426 Views

I find myself literally sitting at the starting point of a roller coaster, the leviathon, in the station, ready for the all clear. It will create an adrenaline rush. It will go fast. It will go up and zoom back down, all the while, twisting and turning. It will jostle me about. The seats are hard and unyielding. The plug is also hard and unyielding. It is metal, it is heavy and it is inside me. How did I get here? I’m fully aware… I arrived here by choice.

I started a conversation with a man who intrigued me. He seemed to be everything I was seeking in a Dom. He was far enough away that I questioned whether or not to say hello. But his profile called to me and I kept finding myself going back to it, wondering if someone like him really does exist. So I said hello. He kindly replied the same. We continued short conversations for weeks. Many days were just “good morning. have a good day.” and then a quick goodnight at the end of the day. But scattered throughout those messages that I came to look forward to were the questions and sometimes even silliness. He was slowly getting to know me, on his time. And then one day he said he wanted more, and that would include meeting. It would also include many firsts, and they would be true firsts as they would happen over and over again.

This plug is a first. And yes, it was a true first… as I have experienced it over and over again with Him now.

So this is where I am… sitting on a roller coaster with a butt plug inside me. It is made of metal and heavy but is not uncomfortable. There is no feeling of discomfort – it’s just a feeling of existence. It feels good to have it inside me because He asked it of me. It reminds me that I am a good obedient little girl and do what I am told by Him… to please Him... and that is a calming feeling and brings a tiny smile to my face every time I feel it.

I am experiencing this moment because of a choice. A choice that I made. The choice to submit to Him. The choice to yield to His control. The choice to say Yes only to Him. And by doing that, I find myself here, on this roller coaster, thinking of all the possibilities that may come... when I only say Yes and leave the rest up to Him. Everything melts away and I am, once again, whole. He will lead. I will follow. That is my choice.
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A Storm of Emotions
Posted:Jul 12, 2014 11:31 am
Last Updated:Feb 4, 2017 12:25 am
21259 Views

The crash after our time together tears me apart. The emotions rolling through are like a storm. A storm that feels like it is going to tear your house down… blow it away… leaving nothing in its wake. You tell me it’s natural, that sometimes this happens. I listen and I trust you. You tell me to let the emotions roll through me. I listen and I trust you. You tell me to feel each and every one and let them pass on. I listen and I trust you. You tell me to use them to make myself stronger. I listen and I trust you. And I know, deep down, that I am safe. I know my house is not going to be torn down. I know I will not fall apart completely. But if, by chance, I do, I know you are there to help me put it all back together. Each time we are together I expose another small piece of myself that no one else has seen. I become more and more vulnerable, more and more open. Being so vulnerable at times feels like the world can crash in on me at any moment. I don’t like that feeling. Sometimes the emotions are strong enough that I think I don’t want this anymore. But that’s not true, not only do I want, but also I need. In you, I trust and with you, I feel safe. I will get through this storm.
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...the Drop
Posted:Jul 12, 2014 11:17 am
Last Updated:Jul 13, 2014 12:18 pm
20749 Views

So here goes my first real entry in my attempt to blog. I recently experienced a subdrop. I want to say it was the first time but I don’t think it was. However, it was definitely the first time that I recognized what it was and was helped through it by a kind, caring and patient man. He explained to me what was happening. It was a physiological response to an intense sexual experience we had shared. My endorphin levels had peaked and created such a high. But what goes up, must always come down… and then I experienced the drop. It felt like crashing. I was sad and angry. I was cold and shaking. I could easily deal with the physical aspects… but the emotional aspects threw me for a loop. They were intense… enough for me to question if it was worth it. But yes, it always is worth it in the end. it is what I want and what I need.

I focused on other tasks… one was a shopping trip… one was trying to cheer up a friend who was betrayed by his sub. The shopping trip was fun. It got me out of the house and it was a learning experience. But what helped me the most to move past those negative feelings was helping another who was down. I really didn’t do much… but focusing on his pain, his emotions and trying to make him smile or laugh was the most rewarding experience in this case.

I know now what to recognize when I’m in subdrop mode. And I know now a couple strategies that may help me get past them. This drop mode lasted two days. I hope they all don’t last that long.

But my Dom was amazing throughout. Not once did he lose patience with me. And he knew… he knew something was wrong even though we are long-distance at the moment and still developing our relationship. Without him I may still be in drop mode, I may still be sad, I may still be angry. But he took the time to care, he had the patience to explain several times what was going on, he was not turned away by my mood. To him I thank you. You are an amazing man and I can’t wait to continue this journey with you.
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From Chaotic to Focused
Posted:Jul 12, 2014 11:11 am
Last Updated:Feb 4, 2017 12:37 am
20262 Views

I have been asked to start a blog to help me work through feelings and emotions, especially when feeling blue and out of sorts. I do keep a written journal but it is a chaotic mess of random thoughts and additions after the fact. If one were to sit down and read it they probably wouldn’t know where to start. So here I am… attempting my first blog. I am hoping that by posting thoughts and feelings it helps me focus those thoughts and feelings, finding a concise and accurate way to describe them.

I am a thinker, perhaps some might say I stew over my thoughts, or maybe even become slightly obsessive over them. I don’t like the word obsessive but perhaps that is true. I need to process any stimuli that comes my way. I need to process others' thoughts and others' feelings as well. I need to think about my feelings, actions, and thoughts before I can comprehend. Sometimes this takes me an hour… sometimes it may take me days… perhaps this is where the obsessive word comes in to play. But once I understand… it’s all good. Once I have processed… I have a clear vision. And I will admit that focusing them into one entry is much healthier for me than keeping them in a chaotic mess. This allows me to go back and fully comprehend my feelings and emotions and thoughts. When they are left in a chaotic mess… I can never fully get down to the deep, get down to why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling… or why something excites me… or why it scares me.
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