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Sometimes, i write

Welcome to my blog!

A Perspective on SSC, RACK, and PRICK
Posted:Apr 30, 2019 9:27 am
Last Updated:Oct 7, 2022 11:24 pm
3731 Views

There was a discussion in a chat group I frequent on Telegram, and I was prompted revisit a "class" I had given at one of our private Munches defining and trying explain SSC, RACK, and PRICK, among other subjects.

It had been a while, and at least one or laptops, and I could not find my notes, so I wrote in spurts of new material. (Yes, spurts). After breaking the terms down to explain how I understand and apply them, I was encouraged to put it together in a writing.

Please bear in mind, this is my perspective, and my opinion. Far be it from proclaim ANYTHING is the "One TWUE way"


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SSC

One often hears the argument against SSC as "What we do is inherently not safe!" Well, taking a shower in a bathtub without whimsical duck stickers on the bottom of said tub is inherently not safe. Ask Sheldon.

I agree with a friend of mine who said SSC is about making sure we are taking Safe measures to ensure we are being Sane, and Consent is not violated. Safe calls, vetting, STD tests, those are all parts of SSC to me. They are also part of getting to know the person or group with which you are interacting.

As an adult woman, I have every right to own a gun, load a gun. put my finger on the trigger and wave it around. Wait, I know gun safety. I even know first aid in case there is an accident. So, I have taken safety precautions to know I am safe with a gun. Should I decide to hand a loaded gun to a little human who has not yet seen 6 rotations of the Earth because I am going to teach them how to use it safely, and tell them to point it at me, is my prerogative. Is it sane? Ummmmmmmmm. No.

I would allow many of the people who attend events at my house to tie me up and render me helpless, without issue. (Unless I have to pee) But if I have never played with you, or seen you play, or even interacted with you in person more than a first date with a safe call; you will not be restraining me in such a way I cannot fight you off if you cross my boundaries. I want to see how well you respect Consent.

SSC is a basic tool. It is a starting point for entering in to the world of wiiwd and a starting point to entering my circle of trust so I will do wiiwd with you. And vice versa.

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RACK

RACK was explained to me about 7 or 8 ago as partners knowing the dangers or risks, and consenting deal with them should they happen.

Example: I am diabetic. I also go non-verbal when in a good place.

I also get frustrated as fuck at people who want make talk when I am in said place, which may or may not make some Sadists into mind fucks very happy. growl

When it comes to one-on-one , this is something I discuss with my partner. What to do if I am non-responsive. Keep me hydrated if I am sweating, crying, drooling or (Ok, fine) orgasming. Here's where you can check my blood , if it is over this, do this, if it is under this, do this. Etc. If person does not want that responsibility, I get it, and we don't at a level where I let go of consciousness.

It goes both ways, if the top has triggers or medical issues, being aware of those risks means I can consent to deal with them or not.

I once had someone push me to safeword, and I was wrecked. I had cracked and I could not stop sobbing. Fucker poured a little bit of cold water on me and walked away, because he was in his degradation headspace. He apologized and we discussed it, but would I trust him with risking my health and mental well-being? Nope. He does/did/will never meet my personal RACK criteria.

My friend M has let me use him as an example before. So I will again. During one of the first times we played, and he was tag-teaming with another Dom, (never EVER use the middle finger as "red" for safe gestures), He said right before I signaled and asked to start coming down, he had noticed a delayed reaction after hits. He had been about to call it himself. The reason I signaled and asked to be brought back down, was because I knew we had not discussed my diving over the edge. Neither him nor the other Dom had consented to taking responsibility. We have since discussed it, though. Would I trust M to know if I was in trouble and handle it, especially with his best brat BB spotting? Yes. That is RAC ( )

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PRICK

PRICK, Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink, is a good thing, in my opinion. I have seen it argued it can allow abusers put the blame on others by insisting they take responsibility for putting themselves in the position. But again, using the term "abuse" in the sense of calling out harm, is not consensual.

I can only be as informed about BubbaJohnJerry as BubbaJohnJerry allows. Now, it is my responsibility look beyond the greeting, smile and list of references, watch how he interacts with others, what he divulges about his taste in scenes, whether he says one thing but does another... etc.

I can also ask questions: eg: "Are you single?" "I am not married." and inform myself.

If I take responsibility for giving BubbaJohnJerry as much information as I think he might need be able safely with , like my hard limits, my no-hit spots, and any current issues like allergies or something, and I believe he has done the same for me; I will consent with an understanding of each of our boundaries.

A negotiation I have had:

: What are your boundaries or limits?
Top: Nothing sexual. Sex is not on the table for .
: OK, but clarify, I'm a sensualist and I have sexual reactions things we’ve talked about doing. Is it going cross your lines if I have a sexual reaction something you do?

I was informing myself of his boundaries, so I could make sure I did not violate his consent. It really does go both ways.

PRICK, , means we are each responsible for what we bring the table, and we consent act on that with others. It is more all-encompassing , and it does not usurp SSC or RAC In my opinion, it should be a practice, more than a structure. People call them philosophies, but maybe SSC and RACK are more schools, or tiers, than philosophies.

Mmmmmmmmm, Now I am thinking about a 3-tiered cake.
4 Comments
Why I Need a Dom
Posted:Mar 9, 2019 10:46 am
Last Updated:Jun 6, 2022 8:10 pm
3370 Views

I need a Dom, because I am submissive with slave tendencies. I need to surrender and submit in order to fulfill that part of me.

I need a Dom, because I need someone who is capable of being in control without losing control. (“Absolute power corrupts absolutely.” - Lord John Dahlberg-Acton) I need someone who thrives in controlling me as well as himself.

I need a Dom because I can’t fucking flog myself properly. I’ve tried. Don’t let me wield a whip. I knock my own glasses off.

I need someone who can focus on my safety, security, and care when I let go and fly. It needs to be a Dom that gets off on that. I won’t be a burden.

I need a Dom to please. Who will feed off my energy as a sensualist, and let the pleasure build. A violin needs someone to play it. Izhak Perlman would be nothing without a violin and a bow. A Stradivarius violin is a pretty wooden gizmo without a musician. I’ve heard him play a Strad once. I need to please on that level.

So, those are 5 reasons I need a Dom.

I have to tell you, though, that my first thought when reading the assignment, was that I need a Dom to be all tall and indulgent, and reach the danged top shelves in the kitchen and the light fixtures in the hallway. But I can get friends to do that at our munch after parties.
4 Comments
I Admit. With Gratitude.
Posted:Jul 26, 2017 12:18 pm
Last Updated:Jun 6, 2022 8:13 pm
5434 Views

I’m hurting.

Literally.

Ow.

About 2 weeks ago, at BV --while enjoying myself immensely-- I was the epicenter of a freak accident. I was in an out of the way corner, trying to be out of the way and being close to stuff that had been put out of the way, and something heavy decided to slide from its leaning spot and aim for the floor...

...just as I put my bare foot in its path.

You know, That. Shit. Hurts.

A remarkable bit of silver lining in this was that I had just removed my shoes and turned to get down on the ground and roll up my kit. Had it been a few seconds later, it would have been the back of my head.

I was all kinds of “Oh, It isn’t broken, I’m good, just give me ice.” I must say, I am very, very, very grateful for the volunteers and organizers at BV that encouraged me to get it checked.

(OK, I know am really stubborn, but smart. As nice and sweet as He was to me, I know the Head of Security’s reputation, and have heard stories of foot torture scenes. There was no way I was gonna go lead butt and win. He’s intimidating. We'll say He “Strongly Encouraged me”) Heh.

No breaks, but it will be a while before my foot heals, and having medical attention and antibiotics (and pain meds) kept it from developing into something a whole lot worse.

I know I am stubborn, but as I told the wonderful lady (and nurse) who set up the shuttle to take me to the urgent care and to pick me up after I filled said prescriptions, I know when to accept help.

I also need to thank my roommates for being such amazing friends and gentlemen. Even if they laughed at my crabby, pain-and-codeine-addled “Fucking Fuck you!” Fest because they interrupted my sleep with the sound of their new toys (paddles on palms). *Apparently that was amusing.* They got me ice, let me try to not need help, and THEN took care of me, helped drive us home, and even rolled up really annoying air mattresses because I could not make it happen. There may have been cookies somewhere in there, too.

By the way, I have learned that I process pain with humming, and cursing a whole fucking lot.

I shared pics of my foot with my mom, and with friends on Telegram, but not online. Not on FB, not in Fet, not in Alt. I kind of did not want to be the focus of attention because I was injured. I got my “Poor baby”s, though. And they helped.

I realize that is one of those things I don’t want to broadcast. I think it’s because I don’t want others to make a big deal out of it. Nor do I want to pull attention and energy away from others that need it; such as other injuries, illnesses, or situations that are not so temporary, or that warrant more focus and community support.

However, in not bringing it up, I am also not acknowledging the people that helped. The people that took care of me. The friend that made me put my foot in her lap as a cushion at the last munch, even though I was squalling about being all kinds of “just fine!”

Well, without naming names, because I did not ask them if I could:

Thank you to all of you.

I was a bit in shock and not being realistic about how bad it was. Your insistence and support helped me make sure I was going to be OK. I was right that it was not broken, though.

Yay!! Score one for reasons to be stupid-smug!

My foot is healing, but slowly. When I wake up, it only hurts on top where the impact happened, and the scab is healing. As I go through a work day and errands—while I do try to keep off of it-- it swells. And by the end of the day, it is swelling a lot, but nothing like it was during the first week.

Now it is time to fucking go to fucking bed and keep it fucking elevated for 7-8 fucking hours.

2 Comments
When it Feels Fast
Posted:Apr 21, 2017 7:42 am
Last Updated:Jun 6, 2022 8:14 pm
6064 Views

I have had things move “too fast” In this lifestyle. Usually it is a red flag for me:

- A Dom that tells me they intend to own me before we’ve met in person, but usually after some time exchanging messages and most of the time after a phone call.
- Men that tell me they will marry me, collar me, move me into their home and take care of everything. Expecting me to leap at that, before I have spent significant time with them.
- Those that want to start giving me assignments that restrict my interactions with others I am talking to or considering (You know, the dating to find “the one” thing?).

But I can be drawn in. The hope is there that it could be sincere. That hope makes me want to immerse myself in what might be. It is looking at the pictures of a tour of Italy and pricing the ticket. If I can see it happening, and I like what I see, I want to try.

I have rules and filters, though. Safe rules, safe calls, vetting, and lots and lots of questioning.

Typically, from first message to first phone contact would be at least a week.

First meet, depending on distance, can be months.

I need patience. Both from myself, and from someone who wants to meet me. I have a weird schedule, and a need to plan. Even if it is planning to be spontaneous. I have to have contingencies covered. I’m like the GPS on my phone. Rerouting is easy, so long as I know we’re still heading for point B.

OK, so. Something happens, and none of the stop-gaps are triggering.

I know frenzy. If I were talking to a friend on either side of the slash, I’d check for signs of frenzy. I’d try to spot the flags, to look for the golden apples that could be distracting me.

Crap, there are not any golden apples around here.

WTF? I’m pragmatic! Where are the brakes?


To paraphrase something I have written before: ”My --usually VERY vigilant-- pragmatic side is pretty much laying back on the couch with a popsicle, waving at me, and saying ‘Nah. You're good!’”

Ok, so we have our list, our What I want. (referring to the partnership I described as my "Ideal person")

Oh heck! There is someone that not only read that list, but gets it and actually gives it value. They don’t ignore the part about breaking promises. They don’t give me tasks without reward… There’s no thought in the back of my head saying “Did they read that and decide to do the opposite, just because they think they need to be an ass to be a Dom?”

So, it is fast, but inside, in the gut, it is OK.

So, how do they see it? I think I would be more concerned if they did not think it was fast. It is difficult to express that. What worries me is that the fact that it is fast, could be stunning one or both of us enough that we don’t get to go anywhere.

So yeah, there are not any brakes on this particular ride. But if I look over, are they yelling “Whhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!” too?

Then comes the question about whether we throw up our hands or brace ourselves.

OK, take a breath, step back, find footing, stick to first meeting rules, and safe call.

What? Still no brakes?

OK, then maybe, just maybe this is going to be a good ride.

I got my passport about 3 years ago, maybe it is time to book that trip. If it falls through, it is not meant to be.
5 Comments
Then Came The Personal Massager
Posted:Apr 5, 2017 8:19 am
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2019 6:02 am
6657 Views
My friend just sent me this in a text, Telling me he needed to get me a straight jacket and room at the asylum ASAP.



2 Comments
Viewed Me
Posted:Nov 23, 2016 9:52 am
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2019 3:03 am
8725 Views

Goodness. It is pretty nice to see all these people showing an interest! Woohoo! That "Viewed Me" flag makes it look like all these guys are drawn over and over to my profile.

*sigh* How dreamy and esteem-boosting is that?

Then I look at the list of profiles Alt says I viewed.

Ouch.

The slight inflation to the ego has been negated.

realizing that when a mouse passes your profile within an eighth of the screen, you are viewed, it is a healthy dose of humility.

Fooey. Can I get less humility this week?
6 Comments
THIS just happened:
Posted:Aug 9, 2016 7:12 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2020 4:38 pm
16993 Views

WARNING- Possible trigger in the initial message.


This was on a different site.

[Handle actually has "Romance" in it] on 8/9/16 at 8:30 PM:
"Just imagine coming home...and finding me waiting for you. Before you can even cry out, a strong hand over that pretty mouth. Then a gag in it. I kick the door closed as I force your hands behind your back and tie them. Much better. Then I'm going to start slowly forcing you towards your bedroom. I'm going go take my time. I want to see it in your pretty eyes when you realize you're about to be r*p*d.... Yeah; a little dramatic as an introduction, but you could use a little drama in your life! I also do great in a relationship! P---"

My Reply:

"Good thing that did not trigger a panic attack. Not a way to introduce yourself to a stranger when you have no idea how they'd react to a r*p* scenario."

And then i get:

"Whatever, fatty. Get a job... "

Really. I'd dig into it, but yeah. I'm on my way to work.
3 Comments
Random thought from last week. (Redux)
Posted:Aug 2, 2016 7:02 pm
Last Updated:Jun 6, 2022 8:16 pm
16207 Views

This did not show up in the blog pages before, i am trying again, just to see if it works.

nope.

When I am in my 70's and 80's, I look forward to being the sweet gray-haired old lady in the car next to you at the traffic light.

At first, you'll think I am having a really animated conversation with myself because there is no one else in my car. You'll chuckle, thinking the old lady is a bit off-kilter.

Then all of a sudden, I'll start thrashing.

You'll start to roll down your window with concern. But then you'll understand it is all fine.
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Bohemian Rhapsody
1 comment

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