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Rambling thoughts

reflections of my winding journey through submission

Aging
Posted:Jul 12, 2014 3:13 pm
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2023 6:49 pm
151493 Views

May have nothing to do with it,
as I'm extremely horny pretty much all the time,
but the desire to engage in sex is pretty much gone,
unless it's just me reading stories and enjoying the pleasures of my fingers.

Is it time for abstinence again?
Quite likely.
Age thing?
Not sure.
Perhaps stress.
Yanno, when it rains it pours.
And yes, there are a lot of folks out there who are way worse off than I am. This I recognize. Guess it's just a little pity party.

And then there's my constant struggle in the lifestyle.
I have found, rather recently, that I am not the pain slut that I used to be. In fact, the mere thought of pain to my nipples sends me running the opposite way - and I don't run.

Anyway, the has graduated and will be joining the Navy once he makes weight. I think I'm a terrible mother, but I cannot wait until he has left the house! The week he was on vacation in the Outer Banks with his girlfriend I was in heaven. Just me and my cats. Any mess that was made was mine - and mine alone. Well, aside from the cats and their damned litter box. Wish I had toilet trained them. Lets not even mention the bulimic cat who gorges herself and then .. well, you know.

Music of the month:
Broken Bells - After The Disco
Cage The Elephant - Cigarette Daydreams
The Black Keys - anything of theirs
Fitz & The Tantrums - We Don't Need Love Songs

I'm dying to see Broken Bells and/or The Black Keys, but cannot spend the money any time soon - too many other things need fixing. Too bad my birthday has passed and it's not Christmas! Broken Bells at The National in Richmond - so close to home. The Black Keys in my favorite fucking city - DC - with Cage The Elephant! A guaranteed great show!! Priorities. Responsibility. Aging. Sigh.
2 Comments
More about time
Posted:May 31, 2014 12:41 pm
Last Updated:Jun 17, 2014 5:38 pm
160925 Views

My 's prom is tonight.
I'm excited ..
for it to be over!
Nooo ..
such a cute couple .. a pic to follow soon.

Graduation is in 2 weeks
then he is joining one of the branches of the military
either Air Force or Navy.

What's a mother with an empty nest to do?
0 Comments
Times flies
Posted:May 17, 2014 7:04 pm
Last Updated:May 23, 2014 7:36 pm
159976 Views

wishing i could say i've been having a blast this whole time, but we all know how my seasons ebb and flow.

new years was great
i turned 40
the job has been a consistent pain in the ass
albeit challenging and sometimes fun
i've managed to be a good girl
mostly

had a date with my crush
the foreign gentleman has recently resurfaced
along with a couple of others
all because i start to like someone new
someone
who
shares this side of me
the one here
the one i avoid
yet crave so ..
it's dangerous to me
and still here i remain

i've been told i can never leave it
not entirely

he's challenging
persistent
thoughtful
isn't that all i want
in
one?
thoughtfulness?
time especially .. even if not of the flesh
i hate how my words and thoughts ramble
and
i hate how i sometimes don't articulate them well
and
still
these thoughts and feelings
pour from my fingertips in ways of which i understand
i often wonder
do others?
and do i even care?

care
this is a word i frequently say i don't
but i know
deep down
it is such a lie
i do care
entirely too much
as by saying so makes it
so

so here i am
back and forth
but back for now

so tell me,
how have y'all been?!
2 Comments
Makeup
Posted:Jan 30, 2014 7:11 pm
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2014 8:08 pm
188577 Views

I'm not one to get up every morning and put on makeup for work.
First off, I hate the way it makes my face always feel heavy .. even the lightest powder bothers me.

Ok, I will definitely mention that I like to sleep as late as possible, so I don't really have the extra 5-8 minutes it takes.

But jeez, let me wake up early and decide to put it on before going to the office .. you'd think I just had plastic surgery or something. And you're talking about me just wearing a little bit of powder and some eyeliner. What the heck?! But if I wore makeup every day and then decided to not wear it one day, they'd ask if I was feeling ok.

I hate makeup. It's evil.
lol
And I'll be wearing it when I go out tomorrow night!
guess the joke's on me!
Ugh, I hate it when I get through a post venting about something only to realize that I was wrong to begin with.

Time to gooooo
Bye, y'all!
2 Comments
Oh boy
Posted:Jan 28, 2014 8:10 pm
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2014 7:02 pm
185747 Views
is it ever snowing!
I live in Norfolk, VA and jeez
you can't see the street for the yards right now.
It's still coming down
and expected to continue til noon tomorrow.
Oh thrill oh joy.
Spoiled from not having much snow.
Ever.
Ok, well, we did have an ice storm a couple of years ago, and 10-ish inches two or three times in the past 24 years.
Baseboard head is great
until it's 20 outside with a windchill of 5.
My wants to go with his gf and her father tomorrow
I said no.
Over-protective mom? Even tho he's almost 18?
Yup.
3 Comments
That moment
Posted:Jan 19, 2014 8:46 pm
Last Updated:Jan 22, 2014 4:49 pm
186201 Views

When your crush asks for your phone number.
2 Comments
Having a hankering
Posted:Jan 15, 2014 8:42 pm
Last Updated:May 17, 2014 6:52 pm
189498 Views
for some pain ....
must be the stress of this job and all of the hours
but all I want is pain
no sexual gratification
usually I prefer both within a session
but it's not what I'm needing right now.
What sucks is I don't have time for any of it!
In fact, this is my wind-down after working 8:30am-10:45pm.
Then I'll read a little story,
play with my kitty,
yup, that one ,
then lights out!

Perv on, my friends!
Don't hesitate to share,
I'll be lurking in the shadows.

6 Comments
Over Time
Posted:Jan 5, 2014 8:30 pm
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2014 7:06 pm
189043 Views

I'm over it
working overtime
but hey!
It's better than my ex coworker!!
Her last day was Friday.
As she was leaving she said, bye!
And I replied:
Byeee! Hahahahahaha!
Yes, I laughed.
Loud and hard.
She slammed the door on her way out.
It was classic.
Found out yesterday she insisted either I get demoted back to my old position and the girl who was hired to take it get fired, or I get fired altogether. What a cunt. And I'm not one to throw that word around easily.

And she told the lady from the bank Friday that she wants to be a grief counselor. But she's quitting this job because it was "too hard being the only one who knew anything." While I was sitting right there!!

Ok, I'm done.

But, I'm working my ass off for the next who knows how long so visits here will be even more sporadic than usual. lol.

Love y'all!
0 Comments
Cheers to 2014
Posted:Jan 1, 2014 8:44 pm
Last Updated:Jan 4, 2014 8:54 pm
191616 Views
Hope everyone rang in the New Year safely
but still had a bit of fun.
I had a blast ....
but whoda thunk it?

2 Comments
Good news and good news!
Posted:Dec 21, 2013 10:46 pm
Last Updated:Dec 22, 2013 5:57 am
192590 Views

#1 -- the bitchy co-worker put in 2 week notice today. She emailed everyone EXCEPT me. haha! LUV it!

#2 -- my crush talked to me today for 15 minutes and gave me 2 hugs. He also informed me he is single. Gosh! Is it overkill that I'm going back tomorrow? Today I was sans family, tomorrow I'll have them with me! lol .. totally cheesing!
0 Comments

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