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My Magazine > Editors Archive > Advice > Heavy on the Anal
Heavy on the Anal   by Tristan Taormino

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Tristan Taormino is the author of several sensationally sexy and informative books including Down and Dirty Sex Secrets, Pucker Up: A Hands-on Guide to Ecstatic Sex, The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. From college campuses to sex toy boutiques she tours the country touting the wonders of anal sex and the overall goodness of sex in all its frisky forms. In her Anal Advisor columns, first published in the Village Voice, Tristan addresses the ifs, ands, and butts of anal sex.
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Dear Anal Advisor:
Do I have to have an enema in order to get fucked in the ass? I am worried that it will be messy, and I don’t want it to be. How do I make sure I’m clean and how do I give myself an enema? One more thing---is there such a thing as too many enemas? How often can you have one?

---A.J., New York, NY

Dear A.J.:

This question reminds me of the first time I did a pretty heavy enema scene. A fetish photographer I know was shooting a film on girls and bodily fluids, and he wanted a girl who could shoot water out of her ass. So, he called me. He had photographed me before nude and in various compromising positions, and we were pretty comfortable with each other. But nothing could have prepared me for what he had in mind, and, after all, having someone give you an enema is a real bonding experience.

We were both in his tiny East Village bathroom when he filled the superhero red enema bag. I got down on my knees on the cold tile floor and put my ass in the air. He poured some lube in his hand, and I felt his finger stroke my asshole and slip its way inside. I immediately thought, Wow, he has big fingers. I started to loosen up around him, and told him I was ready. As I felt the tip right at my opening, my clit jumped and I could feel myself getting wet. I wanted to reach around to start jerking myself off, but we had a long way to go, so I postponed my need. He slipped the nozzle inside me, and asked me if I was ready. Oh, I was ready alright. He flipped the gauge and I felt warm water filling me. I like it when the water pressure isn’t too high, flowing at an almost sleepy pace; a really unhurried enema always feels more sensual, like slowly filling a tub for a bubble bath. As the water crept inside me, I started to get that full feeling, which was intensely pleasurable. I told him when I was ready, and he removed the tube, and gently shut the door behind him.

We repeated the enema once more, until the water was all clear. Then came the tricky part. He filled me up, and when I was ready to expel, we moved onto his makeshift set. He started shooting, and then so did I. The first time we did it, I shot a pretty steady stream of water out of my ass, and he yelled Yeah! from behind his camera. Then we repeated the ritual–he’d fill me up, start the camera rolling, and I’d shoot for him–we did it thirteen times! Needless to say, that was the most enemas I’d ever have, and after the experience, I felt much more intimate with my photographer friend. And I felt more squeaky clean than ever before!

First. let me say that an enema isn’t necessary in order to have safe, relatively clean anal sex. Many people find that a nice warm and soapy shower or bath and a bowel movement before anal sex gets them pretty clean. But other people find that an enema helps reassure them about the cleanliness of their asses and the emptiness of their bowels. And others like to give or receive enemas as part of an S/M scene, and in these cases, an enema does not necessarily go hand in hand with anal sex but becomes an erotic activity unto itself.

If you’ve never had an enema before, you may want to start with an anal douche; these are popularly called "enemas," but are less complicated to administer. You can buy a Fleet Enema, which has a pre-lubricated nozzle and is easy to use. Make sure you empty out the chemical solution and refill the bottle with plain warm water that feels like it’s around body temperature. Squeeze the bottle to release the water into your rectum. Wait a few minutes, go sit on the toilet and let nature take its course. You can repeat the anal douche (about 2-3 times) until your bowels are completely cleaned out.

Giving yourself an enema with an enema bag takes a little more skill (and maybe even a mistress to administer it or a slave to assist you, which can add to the fun). You need to have an enema bag, tubing, and a hook of some kind (either over the toilet or the tub to hang the bag on). Fill the bag with warm water. Hang the bag within easy reach of your butt. Find a position that's comfortable; you may want to try lying on your left side with your right leg pulled up to your chest or kneeling with your ass up, head down and one side of your face against the floor. You definitely want to use some water-based lubricant on the tip of the nozzle. Gently insert the tube into your rectum, then release the gauge on the bag until water begins to flow at the desired pressure (very low pressure is best). You'll know when you've had enough. When you feel full, close the gauge, take the tube out and go to the toilet. Repeat several times until only water comes out during a bowel movement.

If you're having an enema in preparation for anal sex, you should do it at least 2-3 hours prior to the sex to give your body a chance to reabsorb water and recover. Contrary to my little story about the thirteen enemas, it’s not a good idea to have enemas too frequently. They tend to stress out your rectum and too much of this evacuation can really throw your rectum, bowels and gastrointestinal tract off balance.


Dear Anal Advisor:

Have you ever done an "anal " S/M scene? I want to negotiate a scene with my girlfriend with forced anal penetration---how do I make sure that the sex is safe and I don’t hurt her?

---Bob G., Fort Lauderdale, FL

Dear Bob:

Anal sex can be a very hot part of a forced sex scene for many different reasons. Like many women who are into exploring their submissive side, I find that being anally penetrated can be the ultimate experience of submission as well as a perfect way to explore the limits of my own body. Because buttfucking is already considered taboo and forbidden, those attitudes can be exaggerated and “played with” in the context of an erotic encounter.

In one of my favorite scenes, my top put me in elaborate bondage that was a combination of leather restraints, rope, and Ace bandages. I was semi-mummified in the bandages, and I felt completely confined and nearly immobile. She had me face down on the bed, and the only part of me exposed was my ass. She threatened to take me, to fuck my ass without warm-up, without lube, and without self-control. She went on and on about how I was going to take her big dick in my ass whether I liked it or not. Luckily for me, she put a butt plug in my ass while she barked at me, which helped me warm up and prepare my ass for its violation. When she took the plug out, I was ready for that big dick. As she was fucking me, she continually scolded me for being so naughty for wanting to be tied up and fucked in the ass. She was rough and nasty, and the frenetic energy of the scene was really hot. The best part was that I could surrender to anal sex "against my will," but still have the trust and safety because I knew my top would take care of me.

Now for my advice:

Scenes with (mutually agreed upon) forced sex of any kind, and especially those with forced anal sex, are delicate, complex, and tricky; they require a tremendous amount of trust between partners and plenty of prior negotiation. For people interested in bringing anal sex into dominant-submissive role playing, it is especially important to negotiate your desires and boundaries with your partner. The negotiation is so key because communicating during the scene in role is difficult. For example, the victim can’t say "slow down" or "that hurts" when she is supposed to be at the mercy of her captor; likewise, the captor can’t say "how are you doing honey?" or "is this okay?" as he tortures his victim. Before the scene begins, you and your partner should definitely talk about what is okay and what isn’t. And reassure your bottom that she is free to use her safeword at any time if things aren’t going well for her.

As a top, remember that even if force is involved, you should still let the bottom take the lead. Find creative ways to warm your partner up, because warm up is absolutely necessary. Like the top in my scene, you can threaten to just have your way with her and fuck her without lube, but in reality, no anal penetration should happen without lube and without working your way up. S/M can be a way to explore the edges of pleasure and pain, but these practices should never be confused with anal sex being painful---remember that anal sex shouldn’t hurt at all. If it hurts, you’re not using enough lube or you’re rushing it. Forcing anal penetration can cause damage to the delicate lining of the anus and rectum. The trick is to create the illusion of force, degradation, and surrender, while still maintaining the principles of safety: be patient, go slow, use lots of lube, and listen to the bottom’s verbal and non-verbal cues. Respect each other’s boundaries and have fun!


You can visit Tristan at her official website, www.PuckerUp.com.