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My Magazine > Editors Archive > Advice > More XXXmas Toys
More XXXmas Toys   by Lisa Chavez

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Here's the second part of our general toy overview for the holiday season. If you clicked here first, you'll find Part 1 in our "Sex in the News" column. But here's where that article left off:

"Toy # 4: The rabbit (chimp, seal, dolphin or whatever). $30 (without beads or speeds) to $90 (with bells and whistles). Listed as #1 best selling vibe on Toys in Babeland's top five this holiday season, the rabbit is wet dream for women. Here's what we said about the rabbit back in May:

[now, the continuation...]

"Though the name of this toy may vary from retailer to retailer (you can usually count on something about a rabbit in the name) most toy retailers carry one. It has insertable vibrating penile object (that hopefully stimulates the G-spot), then it has beads or pearls that will vibrate around the vaginal opening, and finally, the "rabbit ears" are a tongue-like protuberance from the shaft that is designed to stimulate the clit. Three stimuli at once. These rabbit devices are notorious for causing sensational and repeated orgasms."
Toy #5 The Hitachi Magic Wand ($65ish). We like this one because it works wonders on male and female, internal and external sexual organs. What more could you ask for? A couple could have His and Hers Wands and do each other simultaneously. This toy is actually coming in at number 3 on the Babeland holiday vibrator list -- probably because guys aren't aware of its benefits to them.

Here's what we said about the wand back in May:

"In the larger department, the hand-held vibrators that look like shoe polishers often come with several attachments that may include a variety, from a massager with jellied fingers to a simple ball for her, and for him, a "come cup" that can massage the head of his penis into a frenzy.

Like the rather well-known Magic Wand, larger vibrators can come with vibrating attachments the size of tennis balls. Yes, if a lady likes intense stimulation on her clit, this toy will get the job done. But its real advantage comes from INdirect stimulation. Since part of the clitoris, the female G-spot, and the male prostate are internal, this type of toy can provide a many-pronged assault because it can stimulate lots of internal parts simultaneously whipping up a kind of internal ripple effect. Whether you're male or female, give the Wand a few minutes between your thighs, or better yet on your pubic bone, just to warm the cockles of your parts. Base of penis¡¦outer labia¡¦experiment with everything from thighs to pubes, and see how she tingles."

We also talked about the following two toys for men in our Masturbation Month part 2:

Toy #6 The pocket pussy. This toy is probably a good gift for men who are going to be home alone for the holidays (either that or he's in the dog house). If you don't have a date, no need to keep your holiday cheer all to your prostate. The pocket pussy enjoys holiday stuffing.

"And for men, it's the masturbation sleeve, the pocket pussy, the vaginal (often accompanied by anal) simulator. The difference between the sleeve and the sim is best looked at this way: the sleeve is something you hand-hold and jerk and the sim is something you anchor and fuck.

Simulators (we're often told) are molded from the pussies of porn stars. Chasey Lain [$60 - $120] or Briana Banks [$120], for example. Some of these sim cunts do look real enough to fuck, with their sweet inner labia, colorful vulva, and shaved or manicured bush. (At the far other extreme, some are so cheesy looking or hideous they could drive you to pee rather than penetrate.)"

You can get really frightful ones with grimacing bush hair for as low as $20, but in terms of sensation In one of her commentaries, Tristan Taormino, whose columns you can find in our archives, recommended Julie Ashton's ass (but she was using it for aesthetic reasons as a workshop model: experimentation recommended).

Many claim that with good materials and a lot of gooey water-based lube, the sensation of sliding into the pocket pussy can real as life. (Keep a towel handy for when your gripping hand starts slip-sliding away). In terms of materials, silicon is has been industry standard in creating that fleshy feeling [until recently], but it's also the most expensive. The makers of RealDoll (a $6000 fuckable investment whose all three orifices are designed for dick) use silicone in their life-like doll vaginas and the experience is highly touted. (RealDoll's meaty, squeezable tits ain't bad either.)

Latex and rubber, on the other hand, can be hit or miss. As for the many other 'specially patented' materials with the futuristic names [UR3 for example], it's anyone's guess -- unless you have an unbiased expert you can ask. It would help if you could feel and touch the materials first, but often that's not possible. When shopping online, do a lot of comparison shopping to get an idea of market values. Combine your research with the 'you get what you pay for' rule of thumb and you should be OK.

More often than not, these masturbators, from the sleeve to the simulated vagina, seem very tight -- in the sense of difficult to enter -- to begin with. Yet most men of average size who are determined to penetrate will get there. A lot of lube, a bit of practice and some experimentation will help develop familiarity with the toy and techniques for getting inside her. But as in real life, once the penis breaks through the hole, it's usually "let the good feelings begin." And then you can get fancy, a sleeve designed to take on a vibrator that slides in near the opening(s). The vibrating sleeve gives a guy quite a joy ride. So be persistent with your new toy."

Toy # 7 Real Doll. This would be for the man who's counting on spending lots of time together (with himself), and he's in it for the long haul. Real Doll's expensive, but she can be tailor made and members-only, built especially for one guy's member. She doesn't talk back, and you don't need to buy her flowers.

It should be said that Real Doll isn't the only fuckable doll. Hustler has a "Virtual Girl" with a latex-based skin, a body stuffed with some sort of smart foam (for resilience) and another patented material in her vagina ($800). Though her face may be a little overdone for some tastes, she does have detachable vagina and asshole -- what more could you ask for from a girl?

You've seen enough toys to start getting creative. So who knows, hook your Real Doll's Real cunt up to the e-stim device above and share the love.

Toy # 8 Fucking Machines. In case you haven't noticed, the drama is escalating here. And the drum is rolling. We can't speak of high end, adventurous gifts for men without mentioning fucking machines for women. If you haven't seen these hungry machine shop fuckbots, there's no describing them. From the drilldo -- the name says it: dildo attached to a drill ($130) -- to the Sybian, a dual-dildo mechanical bull (about $1400), these machines mean serious business. We now carry many of them in our shop (click on "shop" in the menu bar above). You may find a few more sold at http://www.madame-s.com. But for the full exciting picture show, check out www.fuckingmachines.com.

This little toy guide should get you warmed up for the season, from stocking stuffer to big kahuna. So go forth and play dirty.