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My Magazine > Editors Archive > Advice > Butt Jewelry and Other Tails
Butt Jewelry and Other Tails   by Tristan Taormino

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Tristan Taormino is the author of several sensationally sexy and informative books including Down and Dirty Sex Secrets, Pucker Up: A Hands-on Guide to Ecstatic Sex, and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. News flash: Tristan is just back from Porn Central -- L.A. -- where she directed a new porn flick, Tristan Taormino's House of Ass, which will be out in December (just in time to stuff some stocking). According to Tristan's spokesperson, "It was a really fun shoot, great cast, and we were really happy with the final product!" From college campuses to sex toy boutiques (not to mention The Howard Stern Show) Tristan tours the country touting the wonders of anal sex and the overall goodness of sex in all its frisky forms.

You can visit Tristan at her official website, www.PuckerUp.com.
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Dear Anal Advisor:

After a long night (or weekend) of intense anal play, usually culminating in anal fisting, my ass feels worn out, sore, and sometimes it even stings a little. Do you have any advice for caring for it after such a workout?

Thanks in advance,
Ass Needs TLC

Dear Ass Needs TLC:

We’ve all been there: your ass has taken such a good reaming, you feel that you might never sit down again. First, a few days of rest are in order to give your butt a chance to reflect on all the festivities. Next, I recommend a fabulous product that I never leave home without: Preparation H or Tucks brand Hemorrhoidal Wipes, pre-moistened wipes with witch hazel and aloe. I like the Preparation H wipes better because they are about twice the size. Many drugstores also carry the generic or in-store brand which contain the exact same ingredients but is a lot cheaper. They are cool, soothing, and almost immediately calm an itchy, sore, or irritated butthole. They are also great on a well-used pussy!

Dear Anal Advisor:

My girlfriend and I have tried anal sex multiple times, but she doesn’t like it unless I rub her clit. As soon as I stop rubbing it, she says it’s very painful and wants to stop. She is also afraid to try doing certain anal positions. We only do it lying on our sides, facing the same direction. She claims that doggy style hurts too much from our one time of trying it. I am desperate for help!

Sincerely,
Anal Addict Denied

Dear Anal Addict Denied,

It fascinates me that you consider yourself an “anal addict denied,” because you are, in fact, having anal sex --- just not necessarily in the exact way you want to be. If your girlfriend doesn’t like it doggy style, that’s most likely because that position offers the deepest penetration, and it obviously doesn’t work for her; fucking her in “spooning position” --- which you say works for you --- may mean less deep thrusting for you, but a lot more comfort for her. If you’re simply dying to do it to her doggy style, then I suggest taking more shallow strokes, and seeing if that feels better. As for your problem that she doesn’t like anal unless you rub her clit, well, what exactly is the problem? Rub her clit! The majority of women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm, and most would say it enhances all kinds of penetration. I know lots of women who can’t take anything in their ass without something working their clit; it helps them relax, get aroused, and it just feels great. If rubbing her clit is difficult because of your body position, then let your wife work her own clit while you concentrate on her ass; that way, it’s a win-win situation.

Dear Anal Advisor:

My girlfriend is a bit crazy for anal. When we're out shopping at the mall, in broad daylight, with no concern for who hears her, she'll say something like “I'd like that up my ass.” She will say this about video game controllers, sports equipment, household appliances, children's toys --- you name it. I think she gets a kick out of this. I just imagine the look on people’s faces when they overhear it, and I cringe. It's embarrassing! She just doesn't care. Would you recommend threatening to take away anal from her? Should I just end the anal ritual altogether? Or, God forbid, should I fuck her ass so hard that she never wants to do it again?

I Have an Anal-Crazed Girlfriend

Dear I Have an Anal-Crazed Girlfriend:

I can’t decide why I chose to answer your letter: to illustrate that I receive some of the best letters in the sex advice business or to indulge you because you might just be fucking with me! I’m going to embrace the former, and assume that your girlfriend’s behavior is, in fact, an issue. First, all the men out there who can’t get their wives to agree to anal play at all are reading this and shouting out loud, “Dude! I wish I had your problems!” Count your blessings that you have not just a willing, but a clearly enthusiastic, anal sex partner. It sounds to me like your girlfriend is not simply “anal crazed,” but she’s also a verbal exhibitionist: she enjoys saying bold, sexually suggestive things in public, and she wants those around her to hear her and be shocked. There is only one potential problem with this situation: there are many public places where it’s really inappropriate for her to talk her tushy trash, especially when she’s within earshot of children. Threatening to “take away anal” or actually doing that will only fuel her bratty inner-schoolgirl and hurting her during anal sex is just mean and stupid. Let her know that her explicit public chat bothers you, but also offer a solution: encourage her to save all her naughty little ideas for when you get into bed, where she can whisper them to you or shout them out loud. In that erotic context, you too will probably get off on her mouthing off. If she can’t keep her thoughts to herself the next time you go out, then a spanking and a gag are in order.

Dear Anal Advisor:

I am very aroused by the anal jewelry worn by one of the actresses in Evil Angel's The Fashionistas [See ALT.com's "Sex in the News" archives for Greta Christina's review of The Fashionistas]. I would like to get something like that for my girlfriend, but the only ones I can find start at around $75. This is a little bit much for a broke college student. Are there any alternatives that come to mind which are cheaper and safe?

Thanks,
Jonesin’ for Jewels

Dear Jonesin’ for Jewels:

I assume that the ones you found are Rosebuds Erotic Jewelry by designer Julian Snelling (www.rosebuds.net). Based in France, Snelling creates truly unique butt plugs made of stainless steel or bronze; each base is crafted with precious metals and semi-precious stones (like amethyst and malachite) to look like jewelry. When you slide the plug inside someone’s ass and all that remains is the base, the effect is kind of like a pierced ear but for your butt! It’s like wearing a work of art in your ass. No one has even tried to copy Snelling, so unfortunately there aren’t any cheap Snelling knock-offs. If you want a toy made of stainless steel or other metal, check out Innerspace (www.innerspace1.com), but they will still be pricey. If an artsy anal plug is what you’re after, lots of silicone sex toy manufacturers have risen to the call: Vixen Creations makes its Buddy plug in sparkly sliver, gold, or pink glitter ($26, www.vixencreations.com); Tantus has stunning metallic colored plugs ($15-35, www.babeland.com); and there are several other multi-colored swirled anal toys ($28-40, www.babeland.com). The closest thing I could find to a cheap, but cool-looking plug that very vaguely resembles ass jewelry is one made by Topco’s Spice line of toys. It’s called Anal Love Trinkets, and it’s a pink jelly anal plug with a round knob-like base made of blue jelly --- it’s only $20 (available at several stores and websites including www.69lovetoys.com).

Dear Anal Advisor:

My Mistress would like me to wear a butt plug daily. I’ve agreed to a small one, but she really wants me to wear a large one because she thinks that a bigger plug will make me more submissive to her. Is it possible and harmless?

Plugged-up Slave

Dear Plugged-up Slave:

Wearing a butt plug every day is possible and harmless, as long as you use plenty of lube, and you warm up your ass with fingers or a smaller toy first. You should be aware of a butt plug, but it should not feel uncomfortable or painful at all. If you plan to wear it for several hours, you should work your way up in small increments in order to allow your body time to adjust to the new activity; in other words, if you’ve only ever had a plug in for fifteen minutes, don’t try it for four hours. As to the matter of your level of submissiveness, only you and your Mistress can really answer that. A bigger plug may make you more aware of your ass, and, by extension, help you focus on your dedication and service to your Mistress. But the size of a butt plug alone does not affect one’s level of submission --- bigger does not always inspire better.



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