Hello, perverts; here are two completely different books that can get you through the holiday blues with your eyes on the prize: your New Year's BDSM scene.

First, for those who have to be in mixed company over the holidays, try burying your head in what looks, on the outside, like a trashy romance novel. They're calling them "paranormal" romances; they're all the rage; and those vampires and werewolves can sure be steamy, dominant masters. At least in the latest book by Susan Sizemore (puhlease, with the name) due out in January, Master of Darkness. The long-haired bad-boy on the cover (Sizemore's former anti-hero-turned-hero, Laurent Manticore) will have the folks back home convinced that your taste in reading has dropped to a new low. Yet, little will they suspect that you're maintaining your cool throughout the family festivities by injecting yourself with a maintenance dose of kink.




The vampire Laurent under the fake identity of Sid Wolf (it seems Sizemore likes us to confuse our vampires and werewolves) thinks he's using and mesmerizing our heroine Eden Faveau (a vampire hunter) with his nipping and sipping of her top vintage flesh and blood. Laurent tries to remain cold as he tells himself that indifference is "an acceptable survival trait." He's "using" Faveau's hacker skills to hack into the vampire "don" Justinian's computer (a trumped up plot thread that is summarily abandoned) "Needing anyone is the most dangerous trap in the world" is Laurent's motto. But in a fight against Justinian's vampires, who are following Laurent and Eden, Eden sustains life-threatening injuries and Laurent finds himself donating blood to revive her -- his vampire blood. What's more, in their first sex scene, he forces her to reciprocate: "He moaned against her mouth and was suddenly holding her tightly. His hand cupped the back of her head as he took control of the kiss. Of her. A prick of pain pierced her lower lip and shot heat into her nipples and her belly…" Like many submissive women, Eden kicks ass on her day job, but loves to be overpowered and taken by night. "Her thighs fell open for him. His head dipped between her legs…" Apart from when the characters talk, this is actually quite a tasty scene, no matter what kind of kink you prefer. And the fallout is that a bond grows between Laurent and Eden that has them breaking all the rules, angering the royal Manticore family, not to mention the human vampire-hunters. (A hunter sleeping with a vampire -- gasp!) The plot is fairly simple, or let's say you don't need most of the complications. Understanding isn't necessary; you can enjoy the book quite well without it. What's not to enjoy -- light torture, a little bondage, more sex. And in the meantime, you just know Laurent and Daddy vampire Justinian will go fang-to-fang by the climax of the book.

The writing, especially the dialogue, is a little self-conscious, as Sizemore tries to turn her bad guy into a hero and her tough girl into a sub. But for a light read, it's a romance that rarely bothers us with tedious ideas like "true love" (instead, it teases us with "powerful pulls" and "unwanted bonds"). And it does offer some frisky BDSM: a dash of women in bondage, a taste of blood play, lots of pain and endurance (fight scenes) and several glossy, male-dominant sex scenes. It's not marketed for men, but it would be a great book for doms and subs alike to read aloud to their ladies, a likely way to prime and lube them for the real scene to come.


Now on the other hand, men (and handicrafty women) will probably love the little hands-on, do-it-yourselfer for perverts, 21st Century Kinkycrafts edited by Janet W. Hardy of Greenery Press. What a find! Not only is it great holiday reading, but if you long for those old-time holidays where folks actually made their Christmas gifts by hand, this book will take you back there. The "crafts" of the title are phenomenally simple to make and the materials inexpensive to buy (almost always under $20). And all are very kinky -- floggers and paddles and ball gags (using everything from golf balls to nerf balls), and lots of cock and ball torture. The home wood worker will find a couple of involved woodworking projects, like the St. Andrew's cross and, more elaborate, the spanking horse with adjustable height and padded kneelers. I found myself flipping through this book, enjoying the surprises and stopping every time something caught my eye. The thought of adding each custom-made implement to one's toy box is thrilling and the toys' simplicity is inspiring. With this book near your toy chest, you'll be able to spice up a play session in minutes. Take, for example, the "Snapper," basically a rubber band attached to a dental floss holder and looking like a mini sling shot. How to use it? "Stretch the rubber band back, and let fly." The instruction bullets tell you at a glance that the Snapper is a 5-minute creation, costs less than 7 dollars and delivers "a more intense sensation than you might anticipate." What more could you ask for?

As I scramble through the pages, I see a pretty vicious looking "Tit Wringer" made of chop sticks, an elaborate "Panty Hose Bondage," a "Bubble Wrap Dildo," that "provides an enjoyable sensation," a diabolical cunt-spreader called "Labia Hooks," made out of the hooked clips for hanging panties from shower rods. In these pages, I found countless ways to use the leather thong boot lacings that have been collecting in my toy bag. In addition to flappers, canes and switches, this delightful Kinky crafter shows how to make a couple of single tails and a cat-o-nine-tails -- it's just an ingenious, diabolical, eminently practical book. And did I mention exciting?

Very few of these quickie-cheapie projects have instructions that run more than 2 pages, so you can be really handicraft-challenged and still make these toys come to life, as simply as their inventor has promised. For each of these little engines of perversion is the product of a different perverted mind. Credits appear at the end of the torture craft instructions. Many of these crafty folk sell home made toys online and the book lists their web sites, which you can visit, for endless creativity. Stuff this one in your dom/me's stocking. You won't regret it.