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When Jane met Tarzan 13/1/2017
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle...
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted
to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked
him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know sex, " he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all ...
0 Commentaires, 27 Consultations,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Composure Or Aplomb 13/1/2017
The British have such a command of decorum and aplomb to
which we can only aspire.
This message is for my friends who appreciate the finer
points of the English language used correctly.
His Lordship was in the study when the butler approached
and coughed discreetly.
"May I ask you a question, My Lord?"
"Go ahead, Carson , " said His Lordship.
"I am ...
0 Commentaires, 17 Consultations,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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What Happened Next? 13/1/2017
A man is talking to his best friend about married life.
"You know, " he says, "I really trust
my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But
there's always that doubt."
His friend says, "Yeah, I know what you mean."
A couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business.
Before he goes, he gets together with his friend.
"While I'm away, ...
0 Commentaires, 22 Consultations,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Simaltaneous orgasm 28/12/2016
A guy went to his dr and asked why it was he and his wife never
have an orgasm together and if there is anything he can do
to make it happen. The dr. told himthe next time you have
sex to put his pistol under his pillow. When he was about
to have his orgasm he was to pull it out and shoot it into the
floor. He said it would scare her so much that she would have
an orgasm. The said thanks doc, ...
0 Commentaires, 18 Consultations,
0 Votes
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Baby's First Doctor Visit 3/11/2016
Baby's First Doctor Visit
I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,
waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first
exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his
weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby
was breast-fed or bottle-fed. "Breast-fed, " she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist, " ...
0 Commentaires, 79 Consultations,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Satisfaction 25/10/2016
The masochist says to the sadist "Hit me." The
sadist hits , and they are both satisfied.
The masochist says to the sadist "I want you to hit
me." The sadist says "I won't", and
they are both satisfied.
1 Commentaires, 21 Consultations,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Banking 24/10/2016
Q. Why is banking like sex? A. After you withdraw you lose interest.
0 Commentaires, 9 Consultations,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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About Laying Off... 9/9/2016
Two managers are going over their budget for the next year...
After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the
conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two
assistants, Jack or Ann...
They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off...
Finally, one manager decides that they should lay off the
first person who gets up from their desk...
In the meantime, ...
1 Commentaires, 77 Consultations,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Young Couple... 4/9/2016
A young couple, on the brink of divorce, visits a marriage
counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife, “What’s
the problem?”
She says, “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.”
The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires, “Is
that true?”
The husband replies, “Well not exactly, she’s the
one that suffers, not me.”
0 Commentaires, 38 Consultations,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Screwed... 4/9/2016
A guy asked a girl in a university library: “Do you mind
if I sit beside you?”
The girl replied with a loud voice: “I DON’T WANT TO
SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!”
All the students in the library started staring at the guy;
he was truly embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the
guy’s table and said: “I study psychology, and I know ...
0 Commentaires, 60 Consultations,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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Impotent 4/9/2016
97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed.
He says “Doc, I think I’m impotent.”
Doctor sits him down and begins the standard speech he gives
to senior citizens, about how as the body ages bodily functions
slow down and it is completely normal to suffer some decrease
in sexual desire. How the man shouldn’t worry or become
upset about it, but should just relax ...
0 Commentaires, 45 Consultations,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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Rain... 27/8/2016
This old guy is having sex with this lady when all of a sudden
she hears the keys in the front door. She's says hurry
you need to get out quick. He doesn't have time so he
runs out the back door with his backpack. He is outside and
its rainning out. He notices some sort of running race so
he decides to blend in because the husband saw him running
out the back door. He gets in the middle of the ...
0 Commentaires, 45 Consultations,
0 Votes
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The Phone Call... 27/8/2016
A woman is having sex with her husband's best friend
when the phone rings. It's her husband's ringtone,
so she stops to pick it up. There's a big grin on her face as she talks to him. When
she puts in down, she turns to her lover. "Okay, " she says. "We have lots of time
to fuck. My husband's out, playing pool with you."
0 Commentaires, 40 Consultations,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Why and What... 26/8/2016
Q. Why is air a lot like s.e.x? A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting
any.
Q. What is the difference between "Oooh!" and
"Aaah!"? A. About three inches.
0 Commentaires, 14 Consultations,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Watch what you ask for 24/8/2016
Watch what you ask for
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places
the bag on the counter.
The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about
one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back
into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the
counter as well. He reaches ...
1 Commentaires, 38 Consultations,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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He didn't pay attention... 22/8/2016
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate
to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her
hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed
her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see
your ticket, not your stub.'
0 Commentaires, 19 Consultations,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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The Complment... 22/8/2016
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really
need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near
perfect.'
1 Commentaires, 19 Consultations,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Smart ass answer... 22/8/2016
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's
final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses
for you not being here tomorrow. I might ht consider a nuclear
attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death
in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!'
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
asked, 'What would you say if ...
0 Commentaires, 33 Consultations,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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How old guys pick up women 14/7/2016
The young man asked the senior citizen for tips on how to
pick up women.
The old gentleman explained...
I am getting on in years and not the best looking guy anymore.
Some would even say I'm a little frayed around the edges.
But, I have a nice car, a little money, and I spend most of
my time casually traveling from place to place and enjoying
life.
I met a nice ...
1 Commentaires, 55 Consultations,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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Oy-vay 18/6/2016
A guy turns to his wife in bed and whispers, "Did you
know it's National Orgasm Day?"
"Oh, what a pity, " she said, "Right in
the middle of National Headache Week."
2 Commentaires, 26 Consultations,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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Rye Bread, Or Is It Raisin???... 11/6/2016
There's Something About Rye Bread Or Is It Raisin?
Raisin Bread
A general store owner hires a young female clerk with a penchant
for very short skirts. One day a young man enters the store,
glances at the clerk, and glances at the loaves of bread
behind the counter. “I’d like some raisin bread, please, ”
the man says politely.
The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder ...
0 Commentaires, 56 Consultations,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Sad Dick... 10/6/2016
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is
nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's
a pussy, and his owner beats him.
2 Commentaires, 30 Consultations,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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It's a Jungle... 10/6/2016
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs.
She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom
calmly said: "That part where the hair has grown is
called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair."
the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister: "My
monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said:
"That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas."
0 Commentaires, 27 Consultations,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Hard Times... 10/6/2016
Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they
decide that she’ll become a . She’s not quite
sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that
bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks.
If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.”
She’s standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up
and asks, “How much?” She says, “A ...
0 Commentaires, 65 Consultations,
9 Votes
,4.92 Score
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OMG!!!.... Noooooooo!!! 9/6/2016
He's in trouble...
1 Commentaires, 137 Consultations,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Sleeping with Bob 5/6/2016
The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with
Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't
fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they
voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next
morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob
snored so loudly, ...
0 Commentaires, 45 Consultations,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Leather 3/6/2016
When a woman wears leather a man’s heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrational. Ever wonder why?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
? She smells like a new truck.
0 Commentaires, 16 Consultations,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Potato 3/6/2016
Two little potatoes are standing on the street corner.
One is a .
How can you tell which one is the ?
You're gonna love it...
It's the one with the little sticker that says...
I - DA - HO
0 Commentaires, 14 Consultations,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Military Time... 3/6/2016
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala
event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic liberal
ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very
serious man.. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by ...
0 Commentaires, 33 Consultations,
0 Votes
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Weird thoughts 30/5/2016
Everything is drive-through. In California they even
have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is
an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron.
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they
would not be caught dead in otherwise.
Don’t spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it
to the ...
0 Commentaires, 24 Consultations,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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