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Tomatoes 27/8/2017
See if this works for yours (tomatoes that is) . . . <br><br>
<br><br>
A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't
seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she
came upon a gentleman neighbour who had the most beautiful garden
full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to
get your tomatoes so ...
0 Commentaires, 8 Consultations,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Survey 26/8/2017
In a recent blowjob survey 7% of the men said they like the
feeling. 10% said they like the power and control. The rest
just enjoyed the peace and quiet.
1 Commentaires, 6 Consultations,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Funny Thoughts for the Day 24/8/2017
• Those who can laugh without cause have either found
the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving
mad. Norm Papernick • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while
dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? • Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'Broker'?
• Why isn't there a mouse flavoured cat food? • Why do they call the airport ...
0 Commentaires, 8 Consultations,
1 Votes
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The Irish v. The French! 23/8/2017
The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone
rings. <br><br>
'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice
said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare,
Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially
declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'
'Well Paddy, Sarkozy replied. How big is your army?' ...
0 Commentaires, 16 Consultations,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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A guy's guide to spotting Ms Wrong by the end of the first date 22/8/2017
When you're in the thick of a first date, judgement
may not be on your side. Often you'll find yourself
asking or agreeing to see her again, then waking up the next
morning to a clear-as-day realisation that you don't
want a second date at all. <br><br>
Rather than try to squeeze out of it once it's too late,
you should sharpen those powers of first-date perception. ...
0 Commentaires, 15 Consultations,
1 Votes
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EVEN MORE BLONDE QUESTIONS ANSWERED 18/8/2017
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain ? A: Gifted! Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A: Because they ...
1 Commentaires, 13 Consultations,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Pumpkin 17/8/2017
This was apparently in the Washington Post .... The title of the article was Best Come Back Line Ever.'
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year
old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch
11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour,
public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett
County Courthouse on Monday. The ...
0 Commentaires, 7 Consultations,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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SKIRT ZIPPER 15/8/2017
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became
aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come
up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver,
she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking
that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She
tried to take the step, only to ...
0 Commentaires, 7 Consultations,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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DATING RITUALS of women 10/8/2017
CANADIAN WOMEN
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary
position.
IRISH WOMEN
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
ITALIAN ...
0 Commentaires, 10 Consultations,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Irish Radio Phone In Quiz 9/8/2017
Some belters from Larry Gogans radio show phone in quiz
called the "just a minute quiz"
(Larry) Q. Something a blind man might use? (Contestant) A. A sword
(L.) Q. A song with the word moon in the title? C.) A. Blue suede moon
L.) Q. Name the capital of France? C.) A. "F"
L.) Q. Name a bird with a long neck? C.) A. Naomi Campbell ...
0 Commentaires, 9 Consultations,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Letter From The Boss 8/8/2017
Memorandum
TO: All employees FROM: The boss DATE:August 8th, 2017 RE: Foul Language
It has been brought to management's attention that
some individuals throughout the company have been using
foul language during the course of normal conversation
with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from
some employees who are easily offended, this type of language
will be ...
0 Commentaires, 11 Consultations,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Earrings 6/8/2017
Earrings
Have you ever wondered why some men wear earrings?
A man was at work one day when he noticed his co-worker was
wearing an earring. Knowing his co-worker to be a normally
conservative fellow, he was curious about his sudden change
in "fashion sense." The man walks up to his co-worker
and said, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a ...
0 Commentaires, 19 Consultations,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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Poor Elton 2/8/2017
Elton John goes into the doctor's office and has some
tests run. The doctor comes back and says "Elton,
I'm not going to beat around the bush. You have HIV."
Elton is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"
Doc says "Eat one sausage, one head of cabbage, 20
unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, ten Jalapeno peppers,
40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of All Bran cereal and
top it ...
0 Commentaires, 15 Consultations,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Pregnancy Question 2/8/2017
Catherine, pregnant with her first , paid a visit
to her obstetrician's office. After the exam, she
shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."
"I know, I know, " the doctor said, placing
a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that
all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it, " Catherine confessed.
"He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."
0 Commentaires, 12 Consultations,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Groans 1/8/2017
Doctor Evil cloned himself again. This time created a full
size version of himself. He was charged with "Bigger
Me."
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Dollywood is currently undergoing renovations....please
PARTON our dust!
Don't put too many adaptors into one socket. They confuse.
Dr. Oleander Fern, the noted biologist, was stumped. He
had spent months ...
0 Commentaires, 9 Consultations,
0 Votes
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How To Poop At Work 1/8/2017
We've all been there but don't like to admit it.
We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly
felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince
ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For
those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival
Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions
and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure. ESCAPEE. ...
0 Commentaires, 9 Consultations,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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My Wife Left Me 31/7/2017
My wife left me... And I don't understand.
After the last was born, she told me we had to cut back
on expenses - I had to give up drinking beer.
I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends.
Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came
home from grocery shopping, the receipt included $45 for
makeup.
I said, "Wait a ...
0 Commentaires, 14 Consultations,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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My US Air Force 31/7/2017
Even Zoomies get it right once in a while.
A US Air Force C-130 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base,
Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's preflight
check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still
full from the last flight. So a message is sent to the base
ops and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care
of it. The young man finally gets to the flight ...
0 Commentaires, 13 Consultations,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Teacher Arrested 27/7/2017
Teacher Arrested
A public school teacher was arrested today at Heathrow
International airport as he attempted to board a flight
while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass,
a slide-rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Theresa May said she believes
the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
she did not identify the man, ...
1 Commentaires, 19 Consultations,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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The Wongs 26/7/2017
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a
new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely
a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
'Congratulations, ' says the nurse to the new
parents. 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong
name the baby?' The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well,
two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will ...
0 Commentaires, 10 Consultations,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Stuck In A Bog 26/7/2017
Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick
O'Reilly wandered by.
"Help!" Paddy shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!"
Don't worry, " assured Mick. "Next to
the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin,
and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there."
Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy's hand and pulled
and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts,
Mick said to ...
0 Commentaires, 10 Consultations,
0 Votes
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DOLLY PARTON AND QUEEN ELIZABETH 25/7/2017
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth die on the same day and
they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be
admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day,
so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel
asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she
should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're
the ...
0 Commentaires, 9 Consultations,
1 Votes
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The Lone Ranger's Last Request 25/7/2017
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian
War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims,
"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ..
"In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed
in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"
"What is your FIRST request ???'
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak
to ...
0 Commentaires, 11 Consultations,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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BEER TROUBLE SHOOTING GUIDE 25/7/2017
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself latched to bar. SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above. SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth ...
0 Commentaires, 7 Consultations,
1 Votes
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The Wrong Suit 25/7/2017
An old lady was very upset as her husband Albert had just
passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last
look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw
him she started crying. One of the undertakers strode up to provide comfort in this
sombre moment. Through her tears she explained that she was upset because
her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his
dying ...
0 Commentaires, 16 Consultations,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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Miracle Cure 20/7/2017
NEW - Miracle Cure!!!
• Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
• Do you suffer from shyness?
• Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor
or pharmacist about White Wine.
White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more
confident ...
1 Commentaires, 13 Consultations,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
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Great Advice 20/7/2017
By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have
found inner peace.
The article read:
'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish off the
things you have started'.
So I looked round the house to see all the things I had started
and hadn't finished .... and before leaving the house
this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle
of white wine, a ...
0 Commentaires, 10 Consultations,
1 Votes
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A tale of four cats 20/7/2017
Four Cats Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer, The second man was an Accountant, The third man was a Chemist, and The fourth man was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square,
do your stuff.' T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and
pen
and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a ...
0 Commentaires, 15 Consultations,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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pest Control 3/7/2017
An Irishwoman was having a passionate affair with an inspector
from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying
on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home
unexpectedly. "Quick, " said the woman to the lover, "into
the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark
naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search
of the bedroom discovered the ...
0 Commentaires, 26 Consultations,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Odd One Out 3/7/2017
Odd One Out
Which is the odd 1 out? 1. Toaster. 2. Washing machine. 3. Dish washer. 4. Woman.
Answer = A toaster.... Its the only 1 that doesnt drip when its fucked
0 Commentaires, 11 Consultations,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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