*************************UPDATE********* ****************
On April 25th i married my Daddy who is my best friend, and lover. In Limeyguy, i have all that i have ever needed, and more than i ever dared dream of.
I am, simply myself, on a journey to being the best 単e� that I can be. I am a nurse, a mother, and a submissive, though not necessarily always in that order. I first became involved in BDSM and D/s more than 15 years ago, by doing phone sex. It seems I had a natural affinity for FemDom calls. This led to my exploring more real time, and in fact to becoming a Domme. This is what led me to Alt.com. That was five years ago.
Three years ago someone came along who saw in me what I wasn«æ ready to see in myself. He saw ~gasp~ a submissive. I argued with him of course, denied it, and because I was going to prove him wrong, accepted his challenge to get to know myself better. It took me some time to admit to myself that what he had said was right. It took even longer for me to admit it to anyone else. Shedding the layers of protection to reveal the vulnerable submissive heart continues to this day. I don«æ believe that my surrender is a destination, but a journey. As I grow, and change, I discover new aspects of myself that then I must once again trust in the hands of another.
I have been active in the Lifestyle community in Southern California for just about a year now. I have made many friends whom I trust, and from whom I am constantly learning. I have tried new things, some of which I loved - like fire, and some things which aren«æ ever likely to be at the top of my list - like electro. I have seen D/s relationships that worked and some that haven«æ. For a short time I was a part of a poly family which taught me even more about myself, what I have to give, and what I am looking for.
In addition to going to play parties, and munches, I am now one of the moderators group geared toward BBW submissives like myself, and to the Doms who admire them. I have built a website that chronicles my journey as a submissive and has a variety of resources particularly for femsubs in r/t D/s relationships or aspiring to be. I am also a member of a pansexual chapter of MAsT (Masters And slaves Together.) People here in Los Angeles have been very welcoming and supportive of me, and I feel a responsibility to pay that forward to other neophytes I encounter.
I am always open to making new friends.
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My Ideal Person:
He sees me as a whole person. He knows me, almost better than I know myself. He is sensitive to my fears and insecurities, but doesn«æ allow them to be roadblocks. He sees my boundaries, anticipates them, and encourages me to explore them.
He is secure in himself, with no need for fanfare or grand announcements. His Dominance isn«æ a mantle that he puts on for the world to see, it is simply who he is. It is a quiet thing. It isn«æ enhanced by the way that he wields a flogger or a paddle, nor is it in any way diminished by all of the gentle ways in which he expresses himself. Both elements are part of who he is.
He is imposing enough to quiet me with a glance, but with a smile that appears easily and can make me melt. He has a wicked and sometimes fearful imagination that can turn the most innocuous item into an instrument. He finds delight in his creativity, and in me, my reactions to it. He laughs - with me, at me, sometimes in spite of me.
He does not seek to bully me into submission. Rather he creates a place for me in which I feel safe enough to submit willingly, eagerly. He recognizes the responsibility it is to claim me, and he accepts it. At the same time he is demanding. He expects more of me than I think I can give and then he teaches me that I can give more, that I can be more, for him, and for myself. He makes me want to be better, for him, but even when he isn«æ looking. He motivates me because I have a desire to be pleasing to him, not because I fear punishment.
He is, who he is, and when I look into his eyes the only thing that I can do is give him all that I am in return.
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