Seeking a dominant man, age 25-45, who lives close, for intimacy/exploration w/possibilities of a future commitment. Only willing to entertain the idea of "just sex" with no "future possibilities" with you if you are either very hot, or if it's with more than one man (either hetero or bi, but I prefer hetero). I also have a side-interest in finding other open-minded hetero or bi- women who might enjoy pleasing each others' men together, on a strictly "casual" basis (not interested in couples unless she is allowed to play with my man too - two-way street)
Im 36, single, attractive, intelligent, funny, spiritual; executive by day, stoner/beach-bum by night/weekend. I don't watch TV (there is a reason they call it "programming"); have political beliefs most people would call radical (people who don't want to see the truth would label me as a "conspiracy theorist"); and spiritual beliefs that most people would probably call "New Age," (a mish-mash of verious faiths and teachings as well as my own experiences and lessons - I consider myself to be "very aware" yet don't really claim to have the insight and the answers for anybody else, only myself). I love to cook, love fresh herbs, real garlic, and homegrown tomatoes. Love canoeing and swimming, would love to try surfing (private tutors welcome). I have lived in all kinds of situations, from dirt poor (even homeless) to fairly well off; get along with people from all kinds of backgrounds, and you can take me pretty much anyplace from casual to upscale (although I am more comfortable with casual).
I'm very independent, but longing to devote myself to the right man. One of the reasons that I am seeking him here, as opposed to a more "conventional" place is because I have about 10 yrs interest/experience in D/s and BDSM - mostly in the context of private LTRs, that most people would probably refer to as "extreme." As for what the future holds for me, I'm not sure - I don't have any "regrets" per se but am not necessarily looking to repeat some of my past (in some cases unhealthy) experiences with it - I am still "interested" in it but I also have grown out of it in-that it just really isn't that important to me - there are a helluva lot more important things in life than D/s and BDSM - y'know it really doesn't matter to me in the whole grand scheme of things whether my man likes to spank me or not *laughs* But for starters, it does seem somehow important to me to find someone who is at-least open-minded enough to understand my perspective(s) on that stuff, and the reason(s) that it interests me and excites me, without thinking it means I am some kind of a freak.
I am NOT here - like many here are - looking for meaningless sexual relationships. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with them, if that's what you're looking for, and I do have an open-mind to exploring some "strictly sexual" fantasies (as outlined above). But otherwise - to each his or her own - but I personally am offended by up-front offers/inquiries for me to share the most intimate parts of myself with someone who, right from the start, intends to "deny me" to someone else, or not even bother being friends with me, doesn't plan on giving two shits about me or my "future" - no thanks. If that's what you are offering you could also at-least offer to pay me like you would pay a common prostitute for the service of you not even having to pretend to care. I still wish to be married and hope to have children (don't have my heart set on that, but would at least like the opportunity to offer that to my One if/when I do find Him). So please respect my time and please do not bother me with "casual" propositions if you clearly do not meet my description of what I am seeking.
For the most part, I am just a regular girl looking for just a regular guy, a guy who know how to "wear the pants," who isn't intimdated by me or my emotions (or my looks), who knows how to "handle" me. To me, "D/s" isn't alternative as much as it is traditional - it used to be acceptable (not that long ago) for a man to slap his woman, even in public, for acting foolish (although she would never do that to him) - these days a man could be lynched for doing that - we have gone too far with the women's movement. I'm not saying I "want" to be slapped in public, or looking for a man who "wants" to slap me around - just one who isn't "afraid" to go there, if the situation warrants it. Too many men are "afraid of" their women these days (in denial of themselves and their role) - so many men, if they DO really care, act like they are afraid to break me or upset me,"walk on eggshells" if they can tell I'm upset, freak out going "omigod are you ok?" if they see my tears. I don't want that - I want a man who doesnt allow ME to blow his cool - not saying I am looking for a man who never blows his cool (that would be unrealistic) - just one who is "man-enough" not to allow me to manipulate him into doing so by throwing a temper-tantrum of some sort (not that I purposely throw temper-tantrums but throwing emotions around is partly what women do).
To me, "Dom" and "sub" roles are synonomous with natural male and female roles/instincts (that most people aren't very in-touch with) - like just for one "example" the way that men are more "logical" and rational (not always right, haha, but rational), linear and directed, more geared to control and to act - while women are more emotional and intuitive, more geared to re-act, based on their feelings. The dynamic exists whether you call it "Dom" and "sub" or not (and it isn't about one person being "superior to" or "better" than the other, or more important or more needy or vulnerable than the other). The difference in even just the simple act of calling it "Dom" and Sub," to me, is major becasue it involves acknowledging and accepting the fundemantal and different natures of each others' roles and instincts, needs, desires, strengths and weaknesses - thereby leading to a more harmonious (= hotter) arrangement of working with those (natural) differences, rather than against them, understanding how they compliment one another and using that to heighten the experience and make it more rewarding for both at the same time.
To me being "sub" isn't something recreational, that I like to do for fun, I feel that it's part of who I am as a woman (whether I like it or not!), and I guess you would say I take it very "seriously" in that respect, it's not a game to me. I am easily "offended by" people who seem to be just strictly into the fetish activities themselves, like it IS a game to them (it is, for some) - I feel like they sort-of make a mockery of "who I am."
BDSM activities are a way of "playing with"/expressing the Dom/sub dynamics further, in the physical world, and can bring about a heightened understanding/experience of the "roles" (for either or for both) - that's what makes those activities "hot" that one could easily perceive as being weird or bad or wrong. But the activities themselves aren't the "point" for me - "the point" is finding someone who can understand and respect the concept of something like pain or bondage as being "erotic" to me without mistakenly thinking it means I am looking to be hurt, controlled, abused or disrespected. It doesn't even matter as much to me whether they necessarily want to do any of that themselves or not (although I have to assume that if they have that understanding, then they are probably also going to have that interest and experience, too).
I see the ultimate purpose and progression of a D/s relationship as being be not too different from most people's conventional idea of marriage - a lifetime bond based on (two-way) love, understanding, commitment, honesty, loyalty, honor, trust, and respect - the only difference being in its level of intimacy, intensity, and awareness of the real underlying dynamics of the relationship (a lot "hotter").
I'm not looking to be "controlled" - I do enjoy being given rules, chores, "assignments" and resulting approval or disapproval regarding the way he likes me to do things, but that is more a matter of "attention," and the "fantasy" of being controlled (which is hot) - it is unrealistic (in a voluntary relationship) to think that a person can really be "controlled" by anything other than love and devotion - not fear, pain, or intimidation. And totally unhealthy and unwise to try to base a relationship on that concept.
I do not "like" pain, per se (pain hurts me) - however pain can mean a lot of different things (from something as simple as a pinch or a bite to something more "extreme" like a riding crop), and can be administered in a lot of different ways (it can focus attention (always hot), it can be a lesson, it can be a reminder of who's in charge, it can be erotic, it can be a trust-builder, it can be a very powerful and bonding experience to be taken to a place of pain or fear and then calmed and soothed and cared for afterwards, all in a safe and controlled environment). Giving and receiving pain is one of many forms of BDSM that can heighten the physical experience by helping to "get into" each others' Dom/male and sub/female insticts/roles, and "headspace." It can be hot.
I actually find more/better "prospects" as far as partners outside of the so-called D/s and BDSM lifestyle than in it - too many who are in it are truly obsessed-with/addicted-to specific fetishes, or are just otherwise are a little TOO "alternative" for me. Wanting me to call them "Master" on the first date or some such nonsense. Most men, just by their very natures, are my "type" as far as having "dominant" qualities - even if they have never been with a woman like me who really called it that before - to me, the smell of testosterone is "Dom" - being really particular about the way you like to have your eggs cooked or your socks arranged is "Dom" - I'm not attracted strictly to men who necessarily have "formal" experience in "D/s" or BDSM.
Unfortunately I get all kinds of wacky reactions and misinterpretations, though, from the inexperienced and/or those who aren't really sure what I mean by introducing myself as a "submissive"(that's why I'm taking so much time here to try to clarify what I mean by that). Some men think that means there is something "wrong" with me, some are offended. Some think I am claiming to be some kind of sex-slave for them, necessarily - like I automatically want (or know how) to be their fantasy, or who want me to "seduce" THEM, or help them act out some submissive fantasy of theirs, or else who want ME to teach THEM how to dominate me! All of these things are exactly opposite of what I'm looking for.
I don't claim to have no needs and desires of my own, don't claim to have no criteria or personal preferences as far as whom I choose to submit to, don't claim to be interested in teaching YOU about "the lifestyle" or how to be a "Dom," and don't claim to be some kind of a sexual guru all on my own, either - the kinky woman of your dreams. I'm just a regular girl. I CAN be kinky, but what really turns ME on is for the man to help guide me and teach me to be his kinky fantasy (and thereby also get the pleasure of ultimately "owning" me being that) rather than just expecting it to come from me.
It isn't that I'm NOT kinky or pleasing on my own - I am, to the extent that what I really long for is a man who "participates" more in me pleasing him, who isn't afraid to control and direct it, and to help make happen whatever it is that he wants to happen, instead of just leaving it up to me to "perform" for him without his guidance and encouragement. A little hair-pull, a little face-fuck, the sound of his voice, during (either instructing me, even criticizing me at times, or just talking to me, nice, or nasty - giving me his attention and just reminding everybody who's in-control of the situation). Little things like that make all the difference in the world to me. It's not necessarily about specific "fetish" activities in particular - it's more about a certain overall kind of "approach"/attitude, both in and out of the bedroom.
Once again, regarding monogamy and commitment: I ask for you to please don't bother me with "no strings attached" offers with no possibility of a real "future" (that means no married and no "just passing through but living in Timbuktu"). In-return, I won't expect marriage on the first date, either. In fact - not that I am seeking an "open" relationship, I'm not - I am seeking a "commitment," to just one man - to me (and to most people, I think, which is why we have such a tendency to fall into the monogamy trap with people who aren't really "right" for us) "open" relationships can be tiresome and awkward - but I think it's important, unless a conscious decision HAS been made to "commit," to maintain the freedom to see other people (regardless of whether we actually even do or not). Do not expect to keep me from others unless you intend to own me yourself. As for my current "status," I am "seeing" a couple of people right now - though nothing "serious" at this time.
If you are interested in really meeting me - please email me, and since I am a standard member please include a pic (including at least one where I actually get to see your FACE) so I can see you. Please do not approach me with r/t offers in the public chat room (there may be someone I am already seeing, there, for one - a little discretion? And for two, if/when the answer is no, I really don't enjoy being publicly pressured or asked to explain my reasons, as if I have to "defend" myself - I go there to chat and be "social" - if you have a real offer/interest, please at-least give me the opportunity to consider it and my response to it in-private (via email), instead of "putting me on the spot" in the chat room (if you do, the answer will probably be "no thank you").
I do enjoy broadcasting my webcam both just to put a real face to the handle, and I do also get a kick out of the male attention it brings (sometimes) - one reason may be that I have been obese for most of my life - I have been at my goal weight for over a year, and I was "cute" before - but the attention I get now is still a relatively new experience for me (and so is learning how to "handle" it - in some ways I seem so much less submissive/friendly than before because I wind up being overwhelmed with attention to the point of being annoyed with it, and just having to say "no" more often - but at the same time I need a Master soooo bad now, more than ever, to come along and rescue me from all this!). Sometimes I show more skin than others - however, it's MY fuckin' bod and MY fuckin' webcam and unless you are paying me or unless I am allowing you to dominate me, I will show what I want to show when I want to show it, take it or leave it! You can make requests but do not order me to put on a show for you, or criticize me for not putting on a show for you, as if you paid (me) to "perform" for you - please! Either go a porn site (or else figure out how to actually dominate me) if you want to see specific body parts and sex acts on-demand. I also am not a huge fan of watching you masturbate on your webcam unless you're at-least kinda hot - I would much prefer to see your smile.
I get quite a number of responses to my ad just because of the nature of the sex ratios on these sites - being a single attractive female gets responses and propositions, no matter what I say in my profile I am looking for (and no matter how incompatible we they may be!) If I turn on my webcam I can get upwards of 100 messages in one day. It can be cumbersome just dealing with the emails - a turn-off in-and-of-itself - not to mention some of the messages being turn-offs - the system will only even let me do something like 5 replies per day - and there is not enough time in the day for me to respond to each and every email that I receive, even if I wanted to, much less to im with people with whom there seem to be no r/t possibilities. Please excuse me for seeming too picky or "unfriendly" to you if I am not personally interested in "seeing" you - I mean you no offense or disrespect - I simply do not have the time to be "online friends" with a jazillion people (with whom I have no real-life connection). If you really think we are compatible, and I don't respond, it could be just that I was particularly overwhelmed with responses that day, or the timing was just otherwise not right - please don't be discouraged from trying again in a couple/few weeks if you think we really might be compatible and I might have just missed you the first time.
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My Ideal Person:
My ideal partner is 25-45, lives closeby (within about an hour's drive - that might sound picky to some people but I do live in a highly populated area where this criteria is not that narrow), he is attractive, funny, sexy, sensitive, strong, smart, spiritual, loving, confident, and very very male, including sometimes being egotistical, stubborn, selfish, sometimes having a one-track-mind, and all the other wonderful "Dom" things that men are. He won't be afraid to mold be or show me how to be better and more pleasing to him, he won't be afraid to direct the activities in the bedroom, he won't be afraid to get "extreme" at times with whatever it is that he really likes, and won't be afraid (hopefully will enjoy) to explore "edgy" limits with me. If there is something he likes or wants that I'm not comfortable with at first, I want him to be patient with me and not necessarily give in or give up - not just throw up his hands and walk away going "she doesn't like it" - I want him to take ownership and
responsibility for helping to teach me to like it - instead of just expecting something and then being disappointed if I don't make it happen, without his help. He will understand my desire for his attention and approval and how to use that for his own pleasure as much as mine. He will be able to get me off, sexually, ideally, whether I even want him to or not, even "against my will" he would be able to make me (mm now that's hot) - maybe that's unrealstic of me - but at the very least, for starters, he will be able to figure out how to make me come, and what really gets me wet and what doesn't (and how to use that to his advantage), without me necessarily having to provide a detailed instruction manual (hint: if I have to show you how to do it, then it isn't what turns me on) - that may seem contradictory or hypocritical of me based on the fact that I prefer instruction and guidance, but I don't see it that way - I enjoy following instructions, not giving them. My ideal partner will care for my honor and my future, not just about using me for momentary pleasure. If you do email me, since I am just a standard member, please attach a photo (of your face, please?) so I can see you, thanks.
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