God, who am I? Depends on who you ask I suppose. I used to be the ultimate professional Domina...controlling a company and those within it, a bright smile and quick wit that cover sharp fangs. I'm smart, capable and efficient. These days I spend exploring my psyche and those of my Two and spending time with those I cherish. To my friends I'm laughter and light, strength and softness. Always ready to help them laugh, dry their tears, make them think and hold their hands. To those that attempt to hurt those friends, I'm a fury with a rapier sharp tongue ready to draw blood in their defense. I always protect those I love with everything I am. To those that I find beneath contempt I'm the ice cold bitch. To the men I love I am all of those and more that few truly see (except maybe the fury...ok, maybe that too sometimes...lol). I am heart and soul, depth and longing, love and lust and passion and tenderness. I am many things...a sum of many parts. I live life with a true passion and lust...for living, for loving, for feeling, for learning, for experiencing. Every day is new...every experience exhilirating...every sunset a new beginning. I am (or was) the night dancer...forever wild and untamed.
The above is me, all me, but I keep getting more requests for more specific information. This is my attempt at addressing those requests. Sooooo *takes a deep breath* I'm an sensually hedonistic ambisexdrous poly alpha sub/switch. Clearer? No? Hmmm...
I'm an intense sensual hedonist. I love the flirt and play and eroticism in those moments with someone else who understands. The breathless kiss before the kiss, the flash of eyes and scent of pheromones as they fill the air, the need lust and longing that you feel in the presence of someone with whom you share that special chemistry. And that's just the 'nilla part of me. But I soon discovered that wasn't enough...
I found my way entering the life...and started about a gazillion years ago as a Domina. It was a natural extension of my personality - I'm smart, dominant, sometimes aggressive, but mostly it's always been a mental thing for me. I love that feeling of having someone put themselves in your hands, reaching into their brain and libido and twiiiiisssssssting a little - in a "loving" way of course...lol. But better yet, I love having the ability to take people places through sensuality, control, dominance that leaves them breathless, eyes shining with wonder and a smile of complete contentment on their face as they snuggle against me afterwards. But I soon discovered that that wasn't enough....
I began to explore my submissive side with the help of some amazing men. I learned that the craving I had long felt really had a name...and a place in my life. I discovered that though dominant by nature, I also have a very real need for strength and dominance in my partner...and as an alpha sub, that not many men were actually capable of Domming me. Being loved and loving some of those amazing men taught me how to be poly - to not just swing, but to truly feel deep emotions for more than one beautiful soul. I'd almost lost hope of falling truly and deeply in love until my Two found me
There are those that don't believe switches exist...that we are just mixed up creatures that can't make up our mind. Well, meet one *bows a little* It has nothing to do with not making up my mind, but rather in leaving my rather complicated mind open to the possibilities that exist in the world. Don't believe in switches? I am subservient to those for whom I've learned to trust and respect greatly (though those people are few in number). I am an alpha sub to the Two whose collars I wear, I mentor fellow fem subs, train special male subs with permission and on rare occasions mentor budding Dominas. I'm a student of the life...I love it's complexities and beauty. Each new Dom friend, sister, student, sub, and my Two teaches me more. I used to believe that I had no concept of enough, and insofar as learning goes that is trueÂ
maybe someday I'll begin to understand the concept of enough. But not today...
[if255 1]
My Ideal Person:
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
---Robert Frost
Let me start out by saying (for those of you who like to read the last page in a book first)...I am taken...forever taken and seek no longer, not for play, not for sharing, not for anything beyond platonic friendship.
I am a submissive collared f/t r/t CastleLord46. He is a man of good heart and wisdom. In understanding the complicated woman he collared he grew and learned and accepted my poly ways. He has always supported me as I searched for the final completion to my psyche and my heart, knowing that there were pieces that I needed that he couldn't provide. Lest you think less of him for this, let me correct you, to do such a thing takes a big man, an understanding soul and a loving heart. There are not many that could do such a thing.
I walked many roads in search of this completion. There were many pitfalls along the way, many mistakes made, many lessons learned. What did I look for? A Man that understands the meaning of friendship, of honor, of dignity. An ephemeral quality that is all His own...intellect, but not raving intelligentsia...laughter, but not lunacy...strength and passion and vision and sight. The ability to love even when it made Him squirmy and achy...and an understanding that love should not be complicated, but pure and unconditional (or as much as a human can achieve) - AND have the ability to allow me to love Him back without freaking out and fearing my passionate nature. A man that could see beyond the shell to the beauty within, because all outer beauty fades...it is only the inner that remains, grows and glows forever. I sought a Man who understands that tears take strength, not weakness...and who can let me cry in his arms over something beautiful as much as for something tragic. I sought a Man with raw seething sensuality that understands that an entire sonata can be contained in a kiss...that touch is grace and poetry...that passion can make you cry and scream all at the same time...One who understands that fucking and making love are two different things ... yet can be combined into one perfect joining.
I sought the glorious...the inwardly beautiful, the cipher, the enigma, the special. The One whose eyes contained forever...who could be dark and light...who would not fear His Beast but revel in it. One who did not fear His fragility, but felt safe with it in my hands.
I sought One who could see, make me see...travel with me for a little while, or forever. I sought One that could see the inner me, touch the inner me and strive to make her better...as I do him.
The fates were kind and brought me to my Panther, the only man who could ever harness and love my beast with the Beast that prowls in his own soul He is all those things mentioned above that I have so long sought...the perfect description of him in ways I never imagined or dared to dream. We are a powerful pairing, not one that many could match...the air crackles with the energy that we generate - almost like being caught outside in a thunder and lightening storm on an open prairie. I knelt and asked for his collar and he took me, accepted me and bound us with the willow...our symbol of graceful strength and unending endurance. Magnetic32, this One, this glorious One has completed me in ways that leave me breathless. My heart is slavebound to him forever and the vistas of our life are endless. Each day we reach new heights only to discover that we have higher yet to go. It leaves us both gasping at the enormity some days and revelling in the growth we share always. I am deeply in love and am honored by the love he shows me every day, symbolized by the chain around my ankle that marks me as His.
I've searched all my life for and am simply stunned every waking day that my dreams, dreams that I'd ceased believing in have come true. My heart is full..my mind, body and soul are full. I am honored, humbled and deeply grateful for the gift of being allowed to serve and to be all the best things seen in me.
I never thought I'd say this, never thought I'd believe it, but I am now complete...forever complete. Captured, taken, owned and possessed...HAPPY.
I seek no longer.
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