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rosaenaluin 65F
9837 posts
4/6/2018 1:07 am
I have this problem......


I would like your input on this, please?

I have this contact, he is a good man, he has other relations
i dont mind.....
poly something, what ever...

So, this man helped me overcome my fear, very, very deep fear, after some real big abuser/ socalled players (sm) roleplay shit....amp;

I like this guy, he is some sort of a dominant player...
with responsiblity for his subs....
At least, that is how i qualify him.. see him...

The sexual entree is the only possible way how he can see a D/s
with some emotional care, ofcourse.. it is all very light....
He is very proud of his empathic strength? wisdom?

He has somewhat the overall same ethics in life, as i have
same outlook on many, many matters in life.
So it is good to still have contact with him...

He is emotional stable.
That is sooo much more, than you can say about the majority of the NO-NOs who hide here, to hunt... masquerade for doms....amp;

Now he wants to have a daily contact, because we are talking of an other scene
But, when he goes on holliday with his first partner
there will be no more contact, at all....

That makes me feel very uncomfortable; is he able to just switch this on and off?

There is not a constant flow, no overall interest, involvement in, with my life
it is all "d//s light as he calls it....

TO me, that is empty,
Without a full commitment with me, with my daily life....
Without a totall emotional commitment.....?
what have you got?
just some play date, with a very nice man....?

It seems that he is not capable of grasping his mind around this....
It is like it does not touch anything.. with him...

So....

Mind you, i dont mind to have just some play dates now and then, with him
because well, he fits me almost perfectly as a sadistic dominant...

But, he drives me crazy with his want for un usual play assignments....
i dont play that game.

I mean, if it is healthy for me, to change some behaviour,
i am able to do that, out of my own, just because we talked about it,
I dont need "assignments"...

Just discuss the item, ask me to change that.. and why, and i will do that..
because i want to make you proud of me, and i want to obey you....

Assignments is for me, the play acting, that is just to stroke his ego
not for me, my health or what ever....

I also told him, when there is not the D/s as i need it,
(and there never will be any like that)
there will be no tying me up, blindfolding me, no gags
no crawling or sitting at his feet....

Because that, to me, is way tooo intimate to do with someone
who can not give me, what i need... on a regular base,
where there is consistency, commitment through and through...

Who can only give me some real good SM sessions....

Does this make any sense, to any of you?
By that i mean the serious BDSM lifestyle girls and boys....

To me, there is always this under tone, of non understanding
of light irritation, from both sides,, is how i feel it....

Trying to fit the round peg in the square hole...?

Well, Anyway...
i will think this over and see what comes out of it... if any......

rosaenaluin 65F
10779 posts
4/6/2018 1:09 am

writing can sometimes give 'you' so much insight in your self and your thought process too.


tinkerfun 46F
11150 posts
4/6/2018 2:32 am

It does sound like that there is a mismatch in terms of your needs and desires. I can totally understand why you would want (and deserve) more than just play. When earlier this year my lover (no ex) gave me permission to play with other men but had loads of limitations, not only in terms of sex we were supposed to have (no oral sex either way, not using the same toys we used, always wearing my gloves when touching them etc), but also overall the setting. I was to find a man, agree on a date to meet them for lunch, then if ok agree on a play date but then not talk much in between. For me this felt too superficial and also sort of made me feel ‘cheap’ as for me D/s isn’t only about physical pursuit.

I much prefer to get to know the other person, learn about their lives etc like I am currently doing with a potential lover. It feels so much more enriching and meaningful.

Maybe because your lover has other lovers he doesn’t need the emotional side of things as much. He might get that with his first partner or then he might really prefer things more distant. I can totally understand why you wouldn’t want to be crawling for someone you don’t have an emotional bond with. It’s almost like in my mind wearing a collar needs to be earned, both ways. I wouldn’t just do it on a first date.

I think you know the answer deep in your heart. Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve. Unless you just want to have some temporary fun until you find someone whose desires/ kinks (including emotional involvement) are more in line with yours x


steelcager 61M
1996 posts
4/6/2018 3:03 am

Many of us are here for different reasons, some want a reprieve from their vanilla life, some want to play occasionally as their busy lives permit, some have a need to be wanted by many, some want lifetime relationships, some want serious relationships on a regular basis, and then there are those here for more devious reasons.

With the doubts you have, although a part of it gives you part of what you need, it sounds like he and you are not a match, as you need a more consistent interaction on a different level, he wants physical and you desire more emotional ties.

The overall tone of your blog entry is of frustration and confusion, I don't see that getting better.

My advice would be to pass and find someone else more compatible with you.


Missbaf1 40F

4/6/2018 3:20 am

I went through something similar in my first D/s relationship. It ended up being very unsettling for me. I know it doesn't work for me in the least.


tinkerfun 46F
11150 posts
4/6/2018 5:06 am

*(noW ex)


rosaenaluin 65F
10779 posts
4/6/2018 5:47 am

Miss_Sixty,
MouseB,
tinkerfun,
steelcager,
Missbaf1,

Sighs..... with tears in my eyes...

Your insights, f you all, is very much appreciated and it resonates my thoughts on this too...

It is like, at least now i have someone who can give me the much wanted physical release...... but still leaves my empty behind....

but emotional there is not much... depth, connection, continuity....

while I am still searching for that man that fits... all the important boxes...

Thank you all, so very much...
All of your different view is something i can learn from, i thank you very much, all!

I have to get the knife out, i geus! cut him free
and me too....
shite!


brandygirasol 54T
9346 posts
4/6/2018 6:08 am

Rosa I think this guy just wants a one night stand- and thats OK if you are agreeable to it ... Of course I've had quick flings also but my preference is for guys inclined to want more- and you seem similar to myself in that regard


steelcager 61M
1996 posts
4/6/2018 6:19 am

You only need to loosen the string around you, no knife required on yourself...there are plenty more fish in the ocean...give yourself a treat today


rosaenaluin 65F
10779 posts
4/6/2018 9:45 am

steelcager,

thank you so much, i will,


rosaenaluin 65F
10779 posts
4/6/2018 9:47 am

brandy, i know, i know, but it is not enough for me, ever

i have done that... not fulfilling at all, leaves me more empty than before...


rosaenaluin 65F
10779 posts
4/6/2018 9:52 am

ProudlySquirming;

you are so right about this.
Well, he made it easier for me, to stop this, because now, all of the sudden he does not have time anymore, this weekend to App with me....
i am not some ping-pong ball......

While we talked about my lack of trust... my distrust... yesterday...

i might be getting screaming mad!!!! axe murderer!!!

i blocked him.


heartofmush 55F
7884 posts
4/6/2018 10:10 am

it is a mismatch. some can do the non emotional connection, and some cannot. some can only are for you when you are with them, or talk to them, otherwise, you do not matter.

you need better and seek it.

The cut worm forgives the plow. W. Blake, Proverbs of Hell


rosaenaluin 65F
10779 posts
4/6/2018 1:07 pm

heartofmush,

for now i am retreating in to my womanscave...
eat chocolate, drink carrot juice,
try to find my composure again.....

listen to good music, read a good novel, sleep a lot, go do nice activities.

thank you for your kind words.


drmgirl622 68F  
25821 posts
4/6/2018 7:04 pm

the main thing to remember is that this is the time to be selfish......your wants and needs must come first. If you do not put yourself first then you will not be the woman that a true Dom is deserving of.......


rosaenaluin 65F
10779 posts
4/6/2018 11:10 pm

drmgirl,
hmmm, such wise words! thank you!
I am gonna put that in neon letters on some paper;
My wants and needs must come first!

i am already done with him.
removed him from all my social network.

i am now only in shock of his brutal behaviour... totally cant grasp my head around this....
But that will fade out, eventually...

i am fine,
i survived more evil then this....



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